I'm Tired of Playing Board Games

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing chess,
Always being the pawn.
Defending the King and Queen,
Distracting the other team.
It can be useful when you trade it in,
But when the pawn's taken away,
No one cares, they just keep playing the game.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Monopoly,
Always in jail,
Just 'cause my luck landed me on the wrong square.
While it's been fun watching everyone rage quit since 2009,
My little thimble can't take one more lap past the go line,
Because it always comes back to me broke, and out of the game.

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Apples to Apple.
Always pull the dead end cards.
People question
My random answers.
I never win, so I watch the other victory dancers.
Someone has five green card, the game is done, I look down and
                       see none

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of playing Operation,
Always buzzed at the slightest mistake.
Yelling at the board, "Why won't this funny bone come out!?"
I try and try but it always ends with a shout.
The board obviously has a short circuit, just not for anyone else.

Life is not a board game, well technically it is,
With the tiny cars and tiny people, all trying to get to retirement.
That's besides the point.
What I'm trying to say is that life isn't a board game,
but sometimes it seems like it works just the same.

I feel like I defend my family and friends, but am always replaced.
I feel like I rolled unlucky dice and landed on Divorced Parents.
I feel like I'm pulling all the bad cards,
Anxiety, depression, self doubt, social problems, and more.
I feel like my car isn't going anywhere.
I feel like I'm doing everything wrong,
As I hear a distant buzz of another panic attack coming along.
I'm tired of playing these board games.

Life is not a board game,
It is, but that's not my point.
Life isn't a board game,
But it will keep feeling that way
As long as I keep thinking this way.

I need to find a happy hope.
Past not being my parents.
Past not breaking down every night.
Past jumping through a portal to wield a light saber,
                 Rather than squeeze my empty fists from anxiety.
Past going to Hogwarts by train.
This happy hope might sound insane,
but I think I just want to make this a good game.

I paint myself blue and yellow and fiery red.
I glow in the dark and echo with each step.

Please look.

I channel the sea's gasp and bloom pansies with my breath.
I carry the sun on my shoulders, feet deep in snow.

Please hold my gaze.

You think me crazy, a child in older skin, a neon sign in a silent night.

You don't understand. I'm just trying to make you stay.

Do you see in me
what is see in you?

Come sit with me friend hold my hand till the end . Tell me a story once knew .Help my passing be fine , take my mind from this time .
Replace my sorrow with memories true.

Take me far far away to those magical days when youth was my only delight .
When a melody played and we danced for an age , sometimes from morning till night. Rest your hand upon mine while we relive a time soon my journey will come to an end , though while we’re apart , know you’ll live in my heart , forever always my friend.

Crafting gentle spells
Collecting worn shells
Finding new smells
With you