It’s 10:31
And here I am again I wasn't trying to think of you
I try to resist these thoughts, I promise to God I do,
but you and I both know I can’t resist anything that has to do with you.

It’s 10:32
And my face its lit up by my phone instead of the room
because for some reason even the pixel version of you
shine ten times better than the stars ever do
listen to the thoughts that go over my head
before you think I am annoying as ****
for messaging you,
but first

maybe she’s busy and that’s why she didn’t send me
one of her funny videos
liked the picture I shared
or liked my status I posted 17 minutes ago
maybe she just lost her laptop
I shouldn’t worry at all she’ll message me
I tell myself she’s busy
her phone got stolen
maybe her laptop did too
I shouldn’t message first
it shows weakness in a man
let her come to me

It’s 10:33
3!
That's the amount of people I saw drinking tea today
light bulb
What if she’s just preparing tea
I’ve be devastated if someone interrupted my tea time too  
so I understand
Maybe there is more important things than me
she is probably cooking or eating
oh moo moo

10:34
4!!
That's the amount of guys or should I say copy machines
that decide to copy off her
Operations Management
marketing
Organizational behavior
social network
or media management
Homework!
We all know how Steve Job organized Apple
Do your own homework!
Homework?
Yeah that’s what she’s doing, homework.
But would she rather network with startups
or network with me  
I’m going to scream if she doesn’t message….
new message
OH MY GOD!
she messaged me

starts spitting lyrics
Every centimeter of my body is flying
she was busy
now she isn’t
yeah she wrote me up a message
let me push this button
I’m excited let me see….
Client: “Hey wassup homie, can you give me a haircut soon.”
NOOOO!!!!!!!
typing  typing  typing

I told you not to text me I’ve been waiting for my queen
the girl that drives me crazy I can see her in my dreams
the only place she isn’t is the image of my screen
her beauty is a beauty the world has never seen

But now its 10:35
Maybe I should be the one who messages first,
I’ll just leave my pride behind, but
Why do I have to be the one who messages first?
She’s the one who always says she loves me
I’ll wait on her
waits for a second
I’m tired of waiting for this girl to realize..
She just posted a picture with this guy
and I just realize that these feelings were alive
It’s funny how love can make you romanticize

its 10:39
And I don’t need you
The teacher just asked us,
“What elements are needed to maintain life?”
I told him,
Nitrogen
Hydrogen
Oxygen
and U
Not you like uranium
But you like your heart
cause that’s the only things that’s powering mine
I don’t know why you haven't replied yet
but hey wouldn’t it be crazy
if you were awake, and thinking about me too
Carlos, what are you scared for?
it’s not like the world is going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb
the worst thing that could happen is for you not to respond

Now it’s 11
so what’s it going to be
typing  typing  typing
Me: Hey!
Me: I’m sorry for messing with you.
Me: I was just thinking about you.

She loved the rain.
She loved the way it fell with purpose,
The way it changed from sprinkle to downpour.
The way it caressed her face
When she looked to the clouds
She thought it to be gentle
Beautiful.
So maybe that's why she didn't notice,
When the flood began,
That she was drowning.

Is there tear gas in this room?
Because I can't stop crying
The gas crawls down my esophagus
And crushes my wounded heart.

“God this hurts”

I keep typing,
Praying to computer screen
That I'll forget the smell of your hair
I type till my fingers bleed
So I can forget what your touch feels like
How our lips fit perfectly together.

“God I hate myself”

The only phrase I think of
When I'm pleading for things to back to normal
Back to the days
Where you didn't want to to crack open my skull
And see all of the ugly things
That drift around my cranium

“Baby please I'm sorry. I’m a mess,
A klutz, who waltzes around with stupidity
Baby I get this feeling in my head
When you are not around
I want to keep writing you these love letters
By sliding them under your doors called your eyelids”
But I can’t

I sit alone in the bus called life
Looking across my seat
I see you, my love
Holding onto the bar
Your pretty Blue headlights
That make me drawn to you
Your pretty Blue headlights
Covered with the rain I caused
I'm a rain man,
you see, when people get close to me
I get scared
And force the skies rain to tears with pain.


The only thing that floats in my mind
Is that I hope the man of you life
Buys you flowers
Sunflowers especially
And shows up to your work unexpectedly.
I hope you can travel to Paris
and keep a long list of all of the countries
you've cuddled in.
With him.
I hope you he can handle seeing the stars
From your eyes every time you guys cuddle
Under the moon light.
I hope he can teach you how to slow dance
And I hope that he can teach me
On how to be a better man.

I sat on your lap
while we chewed pink bubblegum.
I knew you didn't like it,
but you assured me you did.

We blew bubbles
until I knew how.
Over and over.
I made you laugh
so hard you cried.

My little arms
were wrapped tight around your neck.
I laid my head on your chest,
and I still remember
your perfect, sweet smell.

I yawned,
you stroked my head.
And you told me,
"Time to spit out the bubblegum,
and get some rest."

You carried me on your hip
up to my bed.
Although that night
all we did was chew bubblegum,
it was a night well spent.

To the first boy
Who broke my heart
Telling me that cheating
Is really no big deal.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Wasn't paying attention,
Texting and driving,
Then colliding with me.

"I forgive you."

To the man who thought
It was a good idea
To break my heart,
And his fiancé's too.

"I forgive you."

To the one who said
He loved me,
Yet in public
Wouldn't touch me.

"I forgive you."

To the friend who
Wasn't really a friend,
Pushed himself into me
Without hearing my pleas.

"I forgive you."

To the man who decided
To have *** with her,
Resulting in a pregnancy
That ruined us.

"I forgive you."

To every person
Who has hurt me
In one way or another,
Small or great.

"I forgive you."

To the person who
Can't find it in themselves
To offer forgiveness
Due to overwhelming pain.

"I forgive them for you."

To those who decided
To give this poem a read,
Tell me now if you think
The world is a little brighter.

If not, "I forgive you."

If you cannot find
Love in you, know
"I forgive you"
For the hate in your heart;

For the cold that now
Encases you,
Not permitting that
Forgiveness to take hold;

To love those who
Have hurt us before,
To care because
We all have those days,

To smile and spread
The warmth of love,
To hold someone else
Because you know the ache.

"I forgive you"
For the hate.
"I forgive you"
For the anger.

"I forgive you"
For the lust.
"I forgive you"
For the danger.

Remember to forgive,
We are all the same
Sinners in this hell,
And living in pain.

– billiondays

I sit and stare at a photograph
Or two or three
Or every picture that he saw fit to gift to me
And my gaze lingers in those hazel eyes
Losing myself in half-awake dreams at 4 a.m.
What if, and then
So let's say we are fated
Pulled and connected like the strongest of magnets
Mind to mind and heart to heart
Knowing that there is a freedom in that kind of unity
Believing, without choice, that we own the best pieces of each other
Still, what if isn't what is
What is isn't what could be
What could be is just another
What. if.
So I stare into those hazel eyes at 4:22 a.m.
And I wonder, if for him, I could overlook the cigarettes and stale coffee
Remnants of a history that has been unkind
Leave it to me to love a man
Who smells like the first one to **** me
But here at 4:30 a.m. I can believe
I can believe he smells like the earth after a winter rain
And I can believe, that to him, I smell like heaven
Lost in that sweetness
Captured on a phone
A thousand miles away
I can feel his skin on mine
His breath in my ear
Saying nothing and everything all at once
Here in the dark at 4:38 a.m., I can know beyond doubt
That he is where my heart is
With no rhyme or reason
I know, that should I ask
He would give me all of him
And I know this
As I sit here
Staring at a picture
Or two, or three
Or every picture that he saw fit to gift to me
As I stare into those hazel eyes
Losing myself in half-awake dreams
at 4:43 a.m.

I inspected the dirt road in front of me
I depend on it
I need it to reach my destination
I adventured with six colleagues
I and them try to reach the top.

One by one each fly was swatted
by their own misunderstanding of pain,
My curiosity on pain tolerance baffled me
The earth’s lap around the sun was coming to an end
but I must finish first

I began to scamper away from fear.
The higher I traveled
the closer I felt to the him,
the privilege of mystery was on my favor
because I knew not where I was going
but the path seemed to whisper,
“Trust me, he is right this way”

As I caught my breath
I looked around
and saw emptiness,
but felt full inside.
I hiked slowly over the a mountain I believed was it
then gradually the last hill appeared to my eyes

The final sprint was done
I sat next to a perfect shaped rock
and I began to talk to him
his light began to vanish,
but before he completely disappeared
before his last photon hit the retina of my eye
it made a detour
not into my brain
but into my soul
I visioned the future
the future he has for me
and now
I know what I need to do.