I hide......
The demons I am resisting  
The battles I am fighting inside
because I don't have the energy or the will
to explain to people who don't want to understand
My heart is a battlefield

I lie in bed
Wide awake

What to do
I’m so confused

My heart is racing
Palms are sweating

I’ve lost control of this

Legs are shaking
Mind is spinning

Why aren’t I over this?

I try to breath
To lower my anxiety

But all I think is that I’m dying... dying

Am I really dying tonight?

I’m so tired, exhausted in fact.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of feeling.
Tired of believing.

I wish I could sleep through it all.
Dream through the hurt.
Dream through the time.
Dream through the numbness.

But I can’t sleep.
Even if I could, I’d still be tired of living.

This drug,
It's  destroying me
It's  wrecking my life
to the point where I can hardly breathe

I thought of ecstasy
it became my addiction
And like that smoke in my lungs
it slowly burned me instead

Sometimes the forbidden drug is you.

tell me how
the most broken
beaten down
torn up
stripped to the flesh
people

could ever get back up
brush off the dirt
and carry on
like nothing ever
happened.