It hurts because you know everything about me.
Everything I struggle with.
Everything that looms over my head from sun up to sun down,
Like a giant storm cloud,
Waiting for the perfect moment to strike.
You know the stuff that whirls around in my head
Like a tornado,
Destroying everything inside of me.
Why do you use this stuff against me?
Why do you feel the need to throw it all back in my face until it burns?
I've been trying to pull myself out of this hole for years,
Only to have you dig me even deeper into the ground.
My psychiatrist says I should eliminate all the bad from my life.
So I decided to take her advice,
And I'm starting with you.
That's why I have your bags packed
And the front door wide open.
I finally have the courage to say I'm done.
I'm done with your ****.
And to be honest,
I really don't care if you have a nice life.
Just get out of mine.

Adrenaline pulses through my body with every touch.
You make me feel so alive.
I find it quite ironic.
One minute you make me feel like I'm 16 again,
So young, naive, and in love.
And the next minute you become the monster I never thought you would be.
The thing with love though,
Is that you can never get enough of it.
No matter how bad you treat me,
I still can't stop coming back for more.
We are like a magnetic field.
Roaming until we find each other.
We always do.
We always will.
I love that.

Morphine.
That is what I need to heal the pain you left me with.
The pain that my body has come so accustomed to.
You gave me a reason to live, but ripped it out from under my feet.
I let you have so much control over me.
My thoughts.
My feeling.
My future.
How could I have been such a fool?
When I hear your name, I don't smile anymore.
I don't even feel anything anymore.
I'm numb.
You have ****** the life out of me.
I'm not living, but I'm surviving.
Surviving to make it to the day when you mean absolutely nothing to me anymore.

I want you here with me so I don't have to keep taking a walk down memory, trying to remember the way it used to be.

I want to live it.

I want you here with me so when I get sad or scared I don't have to think back to a time when you used to hold me so tight in your arms.

I want to feel it.

I want you here so that every time I hear your name it's not a stab to my chest that makes my heart sink into my stomach.

I want butterflies.

I want you here with me so I don't have to keep thinking back to a time when I used to be happy.

I want my happiness back.

I want my life back.

I want our life back.

**Together.

The rain is coming down harder than I take my liquor.
My mind automatically takes me back to it's darkest state.
A state where you continue to occupy.
You think I'd be past this by now.
But I'm not.
I feel so stupid.
There is still this piece of me that continues to hold on,
In hopes that one day you will come back.
But I know you won't.
I know I'm just naive.
And maybe thats a good thing.
My heart sinks deeper,
As I let this storm engulf my whole body.

It not that I don't trust you.
I do.
I'm just so insecure about myself.
I'm not good enough for you.
And I know that.
It worries me.
Because one day I'm scared you're going to realize it too.
I'm scared that I will come home from work.
And your bags will be packed.
And I'll watch you walk away to something better.

Do you miss trail of light I left in your dark head?
While I was painting your mind of new colors,
You were painting mine black.
I ejected the pain from your body,
While at the same time you were injecting it into my heart.
I took the demons you fought with,
Only to have them make their way into my soul
I dont regret it though.
I'm glad I could fix you,
Even if I can't fix myself.