One upon a time there
     was just me.
A head filled with dreams
     of the things I'd do and see.
     We all dream of big things we want to do.
     If you're lucky, some come true.
     But no matter what they may say....
     Life can get in the way.
     But that's OK
     Because of all the adventures I thought I'd go through....
     The most fun I've ever had has been being a mom you.

It's the rage,
  I didn't expect.
    All because...
      You couldn't accept.
        That you didn't affect,
          My ability to be happy
            And do what's right.
               Not because of you,
                  But in spite.

I held it by its stem to blow all the seeds away.
A dandelion to grant me the perfect wish that day.
I found it in a beautiful field of green.
With the most colorful wild fowers I'd ever seen.
I thought all the colors were a positive sign.
That whatever I wished for would surely be mine.
So on that breezy spring day...
"Please make him love me" is what I did say.
But Dandelion Magic isn't real,
And it can't change the way you feel.
So just because I blew the seeds away.
It didn't do anything to make you stay.

How did this happen?
I can still feel your hand
in my hair.
I can't comprehend...
How could I prepare?
I thought we covered every angle.
But now I'm alone,
With my heart in a tangle.
We set the boundries.
You agreed, just for fun.
You said no feelings.
We said no emotion.
Then we both did things
we said we wouldn't do.
But you started it.
You said "I love you".
What did I say when u let it slip?
Never again I said
"Thats It!"
Actualy, I begged,
It was more like a plea.
This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
You just got back into bed,
threaded your fingers through my hair.
I thought, "Please don't do this to me..."
And with that stare,
you made me see.
Like a Knife cutting through
You said "It's ok to love me"
And Oh God, how I loved you.
And it was was done.
There was nothing else I could do.
No more just for fun.
You said right there.
Promised you wouldn't go.
There with Your fingers threaded through my hair.
And now I don't know
U don't play fair.
I'm  Caught...
You should be there
Some how I forgot...
I wasn't supposed to care...
No forget me not...
It was that penetrating stare...
Somehow I missed that angle...
With Your hand in my hair....
You're forever stuck in the tangle.

Lied to
from the start.
By you, with
no heart.
Manipulated.
Dug in deep.
Confiscated.
Secrets you keep.
Cruelty,
words you use.
Fragile me.
Mental abuse.
Emotional beating
all I've lost
Self depleting
to high a cost.
Insecure,
After you.
No detour.
What could I do?
Control it all.
Constant stalking.
I can't call,
we're not talking.
Fist to face.
Cover it over.
Leave no trace.
I'm Still sober.
Bleed me dry
Use my fear
See me cry.
Enjoy that tear.
Why can't they see?
I must leave.
Torturing me.
You deceive,
Can't appease
I can't relieve.
There is no peace
How can there be?
I tried to run.
Now I hide.
But he won.
I must confide.
Will always see.
My Fear does linger
That I'll forever be.
Under his finger

I died inside when you said "I don't know".
I thought..."Really?"
"Seriously?"
"How can this be?"
Wasn't it your toung that helped you to
form the words that came from
The mouth attached to your face.
A face on your head, that has 2 eyes to see,
And 2 ears that hear,
And a mind that works so fast.
With millions of electrical impules,
Racing around at the speed of light
To form ideas and thoughts and emotions?
Yet out of all of a million possible things
That you could have done or said,
You CHOSE the one thing that
You knew would hurt me the most.
As my eyes filled with tears,
And my world collapsed.
I asked you "Why?"
And all you can say is
"I don't know".

Only a coward hides....
Behind fake bravado.
When his ego subsides,
It's your fault.." His motto.
He reads you like a book.
Remembers every page. Once he's sure you're on the hook,
He'll start to rattle your cage.
He knows which nerve to strike.
He consumes every pain.
Sometimes, he's so lifelike,
you forget he's so insane.
He doesn't even have to try.
It's just the way he is.
At your brain he'll slowly pry.
But he'll never reveal his.  
He's arrogance screaming of entitlement.
He really doesn't consider that bad.
So Don't expect any enlightenment.
Hell, he say its the most fun he's had.
No rest for the wicked he'll say.
And its still your fault he'll insist.
He's been up tweekin a week + a day.
Its pointless to try to resist.

Oh the horrible he stories he will tell about you....
And some will believe his version.
There isn't much you can do.
You can't explain such *******.

All you can do is keep him out of your mind.
Run away & dont ever look back.
Its evil of a whole other kind.
Remember there's something he'll forever lack,
Look hard,  its his soul you'll never find.

All you were then.
     All  you've become.
Look at where you’ve been.
     Look at all you’ve done.
All you create.
     All you destroy.
All that you hate.
     All you enjoy.
Those you have charmed,
     with all of your lies.
Those  you have harmed,
     while in your disguise.
All you have taken and
     All you have lost.
All you’ve forsaken and
     All it has cost.
All your deception and
     You still won't admit.
All manipulation.
     Remorse? Not one a bit.
I once was your tool.
     You once had control.
But today I'm no fool.
    And I still have my soul.