I am not afraid of love.
I am afraid of being hurt beyond repair.

I am afraid of giving my all to one,
Who may not always be there.

I am afraid of losing myself
And never finding my way back.

I am afraid of falling in love--
If you aren't falling back.

I keep planning conversations in my head
About pointless things or serious things
Ideas and planning
I always end up talking to you
I play a movie in my head of the scenes that might happen with every move I make
I think about what I would say and do if I got married to you " **** them all we did it!"
Or the conversation I would have if I met your dad and I was telling him what I liked to do "well that's a tough question I have a lot of angles to me"
Or the tougher conversations
Like having the conversation about us being official " this would be easier if we were ACTUALLY dating"
Most of these conversations never work out as planned, they never say the right things to set up my whole internal monologue and relinquish it all at once in a rehearsed flood.
I care about having the conversation that I think most about
"Can you stop being so mean?" "Can you stop lying to me?" "Tell me how you feel" "what do you want from me?" "Why do you even like me?" "Why did you come back into my life?" "Why can't you tell me how much you love me all the time?" "Why don't you ever tell me you're sorry?"
But I never get an answer in my head or in my life
It's just another one-sided conversation that I will have in my head

I say that I dont need clingy or like it but I'm kinda a sucker for clingy. I love being shown someone cares I love being constantly kissed and hugged and held and just have contact. I ou e being told you love me and I love being told I'm cute or attractive. I love when you grab my ****. I love clingy and I know you aren't one to be clingy but dang I'm so clingy. I like when you talk to me and I like being complimented. I love singing to you ****** songs that I make up while I go. I love loving you. You don't have to be clingy but I like that ****.

When I have my kid(s) I'm going to hold them in my arms as if I was never going to let him/her go. I'm going to treat them to the best of my ability. I'm going to love them and care for them their entire life.
I'm going to try to help them through their problems. I'm going to tell them the truth about this world as they get older and teach them life lessons. I'm going to try to guide them through life the best that I can. Help them through happy and dark times. I want to tell them how I met there mom (like cliche parents would). And I want them to grow up and make me a grand father and I want to be the kick *** grandpa I was born to be.

It's been so short the time I've spent with you. So short but feels like I've known you forever. I am afraid of the word and the thought of saying it, but I LOVE you.
Four innocent letters but put together is something so powerful. Something special, or magic even. Something different. Something hard to find, but I'm lucky I found. Something I would have never found without you. The meaning; I don't know. The feeling; unexplainable. But I still know. I know this is it. The thing they call love. I feel it. I LOVE you and you're the only one catching my eye.

I'm scared of stupid things like water, bugs, and I am terrified of scary movies. But what I am most scared of is YOU. You are the scariest of them all. You are scary because you're not scary at all. You're scary because you have this power. You're scary cause no one sees how scary you are. Just me. I'm scared because I love you. I'm scared because you can make me so happy and yet so sad. I'm scared because I've never felt THIS way. I mean I thought I had but it wasn't real. I'm scared because I am so in love with you. For so long I thought love wasn't real cause everyone said it wasn't but I've come to find out it is. And it is evil. It is evil. It is so ******* evil. But even so, I love it.

The way I feel hurts more than it makes me happy. Always scared for the next second. Your are like the sun that shines on a cold morning to wake me up from what I wish we're an eternal sleep.
You're the reason I keep going. You're the only reason but you don't know that cause I don't want you to feel like you have to stay. I'm so hesitant of you. I'm so scared.