Jay M

Jay M Dec 2020

Lost

Cold, chilling touch
Withering, crunching leaves
Rustling as they blow
Right along the path
To a gaping archway
Of well-worn stone

Walls so smooth
Plain and grey
Whispering ever faintly
"Stay..."

Turn after turn
Corner after corner
Passage after passage
And still no telling
If there has been any progress
To the other side of the expanse
That is the troublesome maze

Take a moment,
Take a breath,
Let it all rest
Settle down
To the ground
Merely be...

Trapped in a labyrinth
Of grey, now cracking walls
Uneven, patchy ground
Leading to what
Possibly none may know

Rise again
Recall back to when
There was color

Pace after pace
Step after step
The walls
They begin to crumble
Gradually fall
The ground below
Sprouting with grass
A path left long ago

Lost in a field,
Not a trace of the passages
Just tall, towering grass
As each moment does pass
Nothing but a vision of stalks of green

Take a breath,
Take a moment,
Listen close, and listen well
Off in the distance
Water runs and it swell

Take to the feet
That aid oh so
Greatly on this journey
Into the unknown

- Jay M
December 3rd, 2020

#lost #mazes #unknown #confusion

Dec 2020

Slightly Lovely

Still (#3948329487948750349857 of my notes to you)

When the night comes,
or that song plays.
When I sit down in the shower,
or I drive by your place.

That's when I think of you.

Silent
Still.

Jay M Dec 2020

Dreamlike

Everything feels dreamlike

Nothing feels real

With each strike

Of a worn match

Smoking but never catching fire

- Jay M

November 18th, 2020

Everything has felt dreamlike lately. Not sure why.

#dreamlike #unreal

Jay M Nov 2020

Where Do I Fall?

With the things I do
Day in and day out
In almost every waking moment
Trying to meet that line
Maybe that's the borderline
Of possible
And testing patience

No matter how hard I try
Do what you ask of me
Get by and through
It'll never be enough
Not for you

I try, I do something nice
Then you turn is around
Weigh on the day
What you say
Poisons my mind
Stumble and hit the ground
Tell me what you find
So I can understand
Just what it is that drives
This deep poke and pry
Into all I do
As always
Never good enough for you

Once
Just once
Can something I do
Come without a lecture?
Can it, instead
Come with feedback
Rather than an unforgiving pain?

Can there not be one good night?
Day without a fight
Of a sort and of course
A day without plight?

Do any of my words
Make sense
Or do they merely fall
Upon cold deaf ears?

Will you hear my plea
To let me be
Just let me go
And heed it so?

Do my words
The vastness of them
Have any effect?
Do they not linger
In that mind of yours?
Do they not have meaning
Nor reason when it comes to you?

Does anything I do
Within these cold, chilling walls
Hold any significance?
Do my efforts mean but a thing
To the likes of you?

- Jay M
November 13th, 2020

To the one who I live with who never seems to understand, nor even hear me. To the one who has to pick apart my day, finding any reason for me to be restricted.

#words #listen #actions #understand

Jay M Nov 2020

Internal Misery

When I see your face
I'll swear I'm dreaming

When you call my name
I'll swear it was the wind

When you pass me by
I'll swear it's in my head

For in what time
For in what place
Could we simply be
Just you and me?

Forbidden by all means
All odds against us
Yet still, through it all,
I stand firm against the crashing tide
To stand against the test of time
Waiting ever so patiently
For the chance of your return

For the possibility
That you may come again
Into my life
Grace my ears with your laugh
My eyes with your visage
My arms with your embrace
Even just once more

Darling, my days and nights
Crawl by like an eternity
Every moment you are away
Is a moment I wish to cry out
To proclaim my love for you

Alas, if such were voiced
All would come undone
Those around would indeed surround
Circle in like vultures
Tearing apart my poor heart

So here I stand
Upon the cliffside
Suffering in my silence
Hoping you are safe and well
In this chaos and violence
Of these troubling times

- Jay M
November 4th, 2020

#love #forbidden #hopes #dreams

Jay M Oct 2020

Sinking Ship

Trapped
In a boat full of holes
Water entering
At first slow, subtle
Then overwhelming
The ship is sinking
Faster and faster
While the sailor is patching holes
Left and right
Hoping to make it through the night

- Jay M
October 30th, 2020

School is hard, I'm barely staying afloat.

#grades #school #boat #mayday

Jay M Oct 2020

Dream Of The Heart

Dark, cold yet content
Slipping into a scene
So real and near
Close to the heart

Standing on a doorstep
Dark and drear
Enter here
Little dear

Authority talks
A long awaited exchange of words
Much needed, cooled and focused
Run along, small one
Go, see that which you have been without

Turn through a corridor
Off-white walls
To an opening
Doorway so dark and unsure
Within a familiar voice
A laugh from long ago

"A dream come true"

Out comes the angel
Glancing into that glittering green
A moment before shock
Embrace for at long last
In each others grasp

Feathers wrap around a shivering torso
Hold the fighter
Pulled in tighter
For nothing could pull us apart again

Taking a seat
Side by side, like old times
Pressing buttons and laughing
Victory and defeat

Then, a moment all is spun
Moving unnaturally
Held, told all is well
Embrace, then a moment
Of sweet roses

Over and held
White feathers around
As time crawls by
A comforting scent
Lingerings as I listen
To the heartbeat of an angel

Sweet is the sound
Of his every word
Comforting is the feel
Of his arm around my shoulders
Familiar and lingering is his scent
Heart melting is the only way
To describe the sound of his laughter
And gripping heartache
Is to describe waking up
Half expecting it all to be real
To awaken beside the angel
Only to awaken alone
Cold once again.

- Jay M
October 27th, 2020

Based on a dream I had. Oh, how it wish it would come true...

#dreams #heart #love #longing #heartache