missing you hits me in waves and right when I think I'm swimming I drown again

some people already have a view, a light over the horizon.
their feet are dipped into an ocean that holds many of their secrets,
but they become bored with the mundane & seek more meaning to their existence.
perhaps someone else's ocean will taste differently.
perhaps they'll finally learn how to swim.
willing hearts & open hands accept these travelers because maybe they're an adventurer just like me.
but really they're just passing through.
they only want to experience new flavors, to swim in unknown seas.
they need to escape but they'll never leave.
cowards perhaps, to temporarily give up the comfort of the river and sink into the oceans' depths.
but the ocean is not quiet & neither is the wind.
she will shred your sails & sink your ship.
she will not forget how you stirred her waves into a tsunami and left her there to drown.
when the night becomes indifferent, seek change first within yourself.
you will never find light in another if you do not love your own hands.
do not take arms you know you will eventually let go of.
do not awaken hearts you cannot call your home.

and so we go on. and the ocean waits alone, for the next light on the horizon.

I just want to die than to feel pain like this again.

Something between us came and gone...
..,
Thought it was love or lust or desire
...
But if love comes to our hearts with worry!
...
It does not leave or knows to end the furry!!
...
Tis only a cloud with a drift passing by ...
....
In a dry desert with a hot sun in the sky ..
....
My sweat of love evaporated off my skin ..,
...,
My blood dried out and my heart stopped beating ...
....
I am not like yesterday.. My love is cured ..
...
One side pulling on the rope.. won't tighten the love even if the rope is tight ...
...
I dont deny that my love became heavy on the one I desire ..
...
There lyes my heart dead engulfed in flame and fire ...
...
She came and weeped at my heart crying really hard ..,

She said forgive me Bassam .. "I am too cold"
...
Her tears started dribbling down a little stream to my heart nub ...
....
And suddenly she heard my heart say "lub ... dub"
...
And some how my heart recouped from death absorbing its sorrow ...
....
It's started to beat with hopes of love and desires of tomorrow...
...
It rose in hopes of love of golden yarrow
...
She was happy to see me and wiped her tears ...
...
She said .., "Let's start a new beginning free of dismay and jeers" ...
...
"And endless love without delay"
...
"Away from false hopes and blame"

"Something with lust and without shame!"

I said "I am here ... my love is tamed!

"Take me on with lust ordained"

"I admit to you that my love has changed"
..
She said "Forever now ... you are locked within" ...

I don't know how to make a rhyme
but if I could I'd write it...
I hope that you will take the time
to read and say you like it

I know your far away from home
and miss your house and friends
But, I'm glad you came with me
and I'll be sad when it ends

As adults we sometimes fight
and sometimes disagree
But the things that we talk about
should never come between you and me

I love you very much and yes
all your brothers and sisters too.
But if I could spend the summer with one
I'd want it to be with you

So please, Mandy
make yourself at home
Here you are loved by family
and should never feel alone.

WE love you baby!


My Uncle wrote this for me in my poetry notebook when I was asleep. He knew about my depression so he left this for me to find when I woke up. I named this poem "Grand Junction, Colorado" because that is where I was when this was written. I was there for the summer visiting family and that summer was and still is my favorite summer.

It never was that I loved a cigarette,
more than you.
Just that I knew every morning,
when I rolled over,
my smokes would still be on the nightstand.
But your keys would be gone.