I never imagine living without you, somehow the thought never crossed my mind. But the tree in the forest that falls when no one is there does make a sound, it sounds like years of tears that won't seem to dry, you see the tree falls gradually, first the leaves leaving so swiftly it seems as if they were never there. Then the branch eventually the tree itself starts to decay until there's nothing left but the stump. My heart is similar to the tree, first, the blood vessels that kept it pumping were numbed that's when the memories dissipated. I used you hope of your presents and await your arrival, now it's like I don't know you. I never thought I'd lose my bestfriend, how am breathing with no lungs? Dreaming with no sleep, or running with no legs. How am I here without you?...

When you close your eyes at night, do you see me?

Do you see me doing your daughters hair?
Do you see me nursing your son or changing his diaper? When you're excited about something am I the first person you want to call, do I give you butterflies in the heart of your stomach. Do I put a smile on your face, tears in your eyes and wonder in your soul?

When you look at the next fifty years of your life do you see me in every rain filled, sunny time, and drought season? When you're mad will you talk to me or her and then tell me she means nothing, but I know she must be something if she has your heart. Will you shut me out when it gets tough or will you embrace my body and let these curves caress your fears, and these hands ease the pain... But I guess you'll never know because you won't text back.

I lived a minute longer than my fears.

Climbing those stairs to find you there, facing my fears with an inch of my insecurities. Pain doesn’t seem so bad when I’m with you, it’s sting lies beneath our skin like sweat from being at the third heaven. Dreams smell like colors of purple, red, & orange glazed over your body, the night isn’t as dark when you’re present because the moon is in the foreground of your face behind those pupils are memories of us I wish to relive not because we won’t share anymore but because love is too great a thought to forget. Mystery yielding.  Frightened, illuminated, reborn, strengthened, trust (My First) I hoped to be protected by you like my father would have or maybe cherished like my brother did. But you gave me something else, poetry that was for me. Not the girl in the corner that knows she’s loved but me the one who sometimes doesn’t believe that I am. I hold onto your words like she held the hem of His garment but in this case He makes us whole. I feared you not because I thought you would harm me but because I knew I could fall in your arms and you’d catch me here I am thinking you’re not capable but somehow the pain of the past life dwindles in your eyes as I tilt my head back to see that smile, it pours in me like water from a well, washing the hurt with a stare. that God formed in you as a child. I know you’ve been seen as less than by those who wish they had what you possess,
I don’t see you as less than or too much of, but just enough to quench this sojourner’s search for truth, kind to the eyes is your countenance pure is your beat. Shoulder to the heat, ear to the street frightened to become one of them. Pursuing me with fear that I’ll leave not believing the trees are green breath escapes the one who runs too far, let curiosity be your bed and drape your body with this nitted blanket of affirmations from me to you. That was created by pieces of your heart. No I have not seen what you have but I have lived my struggle to the fullest and now I’m ready to embrace lit rooms with echos of your voice contorting my body to it’s tone moving this dancers hips to a tune she’s not familiar with, but then again danger seems safe with you. So I am safe with you
We aren’t apples and oranges we are the seeds of Him to be watered by hurt, disappointment, rejection, and love because when we blossom we will be a manifestation of HIS creation not a product of their discrimination.

Can I run into you and you not break. Would you be able to withstand the whirlwind that is me? I am broken beyond my own repair shattered in a millon pieces not even ***** could put me back together. I'm lost not like on the GPS where you can miss the turn and make a different turn, all the streets are one way. I'm fighting to hold on to my sanity struggling to remeber why I'm even here. And then I realize, it's not for me to understand but believe and trust in the one who's skin was torn for me so when I'm torn between decision I understand where my help comes from. I will point to the hills and go all the way up.

Even though you are young, and I am older. You somehow control my emotions it’s funny because it took me being twice your age to obtain the courage you have, even though you are not much older than my son there is a difference in you. The warmth of your body is breathtaking and the firmness of your hands is chilling, everything about you is new to me, your logic is rational in your mind; if you love someone make them your everything, I’ve somehow not made you my everything. The part of me you ignite is a side I have hidden from even myself “I don’t know who she is” but she only surfaces when you’re around. Why can’t she be free, maybe because I’m not like you, you see I make it seem as though you are so eager because of your age, but truthfully I am ashamed to admit it is because of your courage something that at even my age I haven’t fully grasped until now. Love is not about money, ***, control, emotions, or even feelings: it’s about what you know, there were a million men on the island but I found you, I don’t believe in happenstances. I met you because I lost myself, and you helped me find her. Underneath the covers of my insecurities hiding she was. It took every part of you to make me believe in love again, I've loved with you, I've cried with you, I’ve dreamed with you, I’ve bursted with you. But, most of all I’ve been with YOU.

Being in your shadow is like God kissing my soul being near you is vital to my existence, the fragrance of your thoughts is one I will forever shake my hips to. You are my muse for life, for love. The John to this Coltrane that used to be my heart, the Miles we travel no man knows only God, but the kind of blues we will see are tailored to our deliverance as a couple. When we struggle to pay bills you will still be my Cliff Huxtable when life gets hard and not you, I will be your Nina. Be my Darius the funk in my right thigh, tingle in my spine and laughter in my fingertips.