I wake up every other day wishing I could just **** the pain
Or just jump ship and never see another again
This ship is sinking
In this sea of thoughts and feelings
Then you notice your phone there's a message at the tone
Her voice rings through your soul
Your my symbol of hope
A SOS when i feel alone
Take a shower
Watch the water drain away
Wishing it could carry the pain away
I'll hold my breath, I'll tempt death
But in those moments
My body and mind are side by side
I can feel the water in my eyes
I guess this is how it is to be alive
Get up, get dressed and meet your girl
I'll find the strength even at my lowest depths just to see her smile
I'll never let her see that side
That's the only secret I'll ever hide
Reject that frown
I'll never let this ship go down
Even when I'm sinking she makes me float
She's the life raft and I'm the boat
And I don't understand why she's given me a chance just some lonely broken kid with a fake smile and nothing much to give chilling in a maiden shirt listening to offspring
I'm not her Normal type
From the lowest of all clicks
The bottom of the food chain
A goldfish in the ocean
Take a deep breath you're going under
The currents pulling your mind astray
Drowning in my bottled up ways
You'll talk on the phone
Just so she can moan about
All her worries and her fears and  the occasional tears
But you don't mind
You're her rock in her hard time
The thoughts in your head decline and you're no longer stranded out at tide  
That fake smile you provide is Keeping her alive
If only you knew you're the picture in her head
The strength that pulls her out of bed
And you don't understand why she's given you a chance.

My work doesn't reflect a picture of me
It's more like a family photo you don't want to see
Shown by a aunty in pretence to remember how it used to be
And you look at yourself and see the struggle to express
From the way that you dress
And that fake smile
You've held for which seems like a awfully long while
They can't contemplate how the image the camera makes fails to translate the frown that you've Hidden away

You call and I can't help but answer
I've got a address book of reasons why I should cut you off
What happened to when we used to talk about the flowers
And a growth more significant than our own
constantly asking if you're feeling better
You never take advice, first hand experience dripping from these words
Guess you'll after make your own mistakes
I'm a tangled headphone cord
Getting on your nerves
Constantly asking if you're feeling better
Now I'm by your side while you struggle to sleep and refuse to eat
I'm the seventeen messages on your answer phone
Reminding you to breath
You're more of a invert than I've ever been
It took my school years to realise I wasn't weak
You've got to let go
Realise you're the gray clouds I always preach about
And the flowers struggle to grow without a helping hand

I hate to see you down there at the bottom of the pool
I'll breath for you
I'll keep you on my shoulders if the pressure gets too much
We can go swimming
I'll take that risk for you
Add salt to the wound
Like stubbing your toe a thousand times
Your goggles are filling up
Your eyes are red
But for you it's a lovely shade
I always said you could pull off any colour
Take your mind off stuff
Focus on kicking your legs and staying afloat
We're at a gym or some kinda swimmingming pool
Guess I'm neither brains or brawn
Or whichever way it's said  
I'll take you swimming
We'll do whatever you want too
We could go dancing
I've got two left feet but you're always right
There's no other person's feet I'd rather set on in a slow dance
I'll take that risk for you
Break all my toes so you don't have too.

The stones in my shoes remind me of you
A reflection of my regrets and failures
We'd talk endlessly
About nothing really
Just the perfect fairy tale we built in our own heads
I fell for your spell your deceptive nature worked so well
Like a lamb to the slaughter
You lead my like the piper hypnotized by words and lies
You built me up to bring me down from the safety of your screen
You became my world my everything my refuge from reality
A faceless voice behind a screen
A touch without feeling
You fed my dreams and desires until I couldn't eat no more
I let down my defence's
You seiged my castle walls
While I was battling a dragon in my own halls
But how was I to know you where only there to let the dragon in
You're the witch not the heroine
You made me believe I was weak and needed saving
You're the nightmare in my fairy tale
You're the wolf in my bed but this time I'll take off your head

Looking through my window
Waiting for a change in weather
The chipped paint reminds me of worse days
And a disconnection from the things I used to know
Like a fly on the window
Curious
With freedom in plain sight
Shorts and long Sock season
The sun's rays beaming
Blasting Skrwd as our mutual summer time theme tune
Such irony
Because now the weather's changed I won't settle for room temperature again
I feel a growth in my bones
I'm not waiting
I'm not waiting anymore
I'm just taking
Taking whatevers thrown
The cold doesn't effect me like it used too
My teeth don't chatter from fear of being alone
If summers the place to be
Let's make it a permanent state of mind I'll try find warmth in the greyest of skies.

January again
And I'm already counting down the days til the next one
Already made enough mistakes in a matter of days
Febuary I'm so done with the rain and the  pattering on the window pain
It's march again
Another year older but I feel more or less the same and not much wiser
Continuing counting down the days
Maybe I'll learn a lesson or two along the way
And learn to line what I think and what I say
April,May
There's nothing much to say just a reminder of the wasted days and praying next year won't turn out the same
June, July
Summer time
I'll just watch and wait inside
November  in sight
Just more sitting and waiting inside
I missed my bus but you know how I get when I write loose all concept of time
December is here met by a cheer
This year it might turn out alright

I'll hold your hand down the rabbit hole
I'm considerate like that
Or maybe just crazy
My fragile minds nieve
To the devil behind my own eyes
I'll forever hold onto last autumn and all the things we shared in common
I'm everything your parents warned you about
From the sins under my soles to the air in my head
Take me back
Take me back to wonderland

Your own son said you're as good as dead
But you're not
You're the strongest person I've ever known
No matter the weather rain or snow
You always brought the bread home
Remember you're my idol the reason I kept fighting
I know you're forgetting things lately
Like names,numbers and even your payments
But I'll never forget you're the strongest person I've ever known
The ghost stories you told me and my sister
Have nothing on the horrors you faced
The ****** in the story couldn't compete with you
You fought a good fight
Won a war
Wear pink with pride
But it all changed when he died
You gave up your home
Because they said you couldn't manage alone  
But you're still, I hope you know
The strongest person I'll ever know

I'm tall enough now for my head to meet head to head with the shower
I'm only hundred and ten pounds and the tale of the tapes against me
I know you haven't noticed
But my feet hang out the bunk beds at your house
Seasons have come and gone since I stayed the weekend
but I've pushed through the weeks learned to use this swing without you
I believe in photosynthesis, self growth and the strength to overcome myself
I'm not rooted down
The ground around me is mine to take
I know it's hard from a neutral point of view
But I don't struggle
To see the ground  I've made up
Small steps mean everything
When the stickers behind your door are stuck with blu-tac in fear you'll fail to stick
It's good to know the only thing that haunts me in the night is a poster falling.

Passing time with talks of red wine
But I don't even drink!
You won't even take this as a metaphor
Guess that's just another reason why
Your words find a home in my mind
Labels, types, grapes and vines
Time fly's in your presence like a child in awe of a war time story
It's not like I care about a single word but I'm a connoisseur I hang on every verse you've ever spoken
I love the gestures you make
Your hands dance you stumble your words you go red faced
I'm sick of writing songs about the downsides
Writing songs about sad boys with broken hearts
Red wines good for that it can ease the pain, cover all the *** holes in your vains
But I don't even drink
I don't think the wines to blame
One day you'll catch me smiling and you'll wonder why I'll have the littlest details on my mind of time forgotten but I won't mind and the talks of labels, types, Grape's and vines

Trying to find the right passage in every verse that leads to the better ending
The one where all the characters survive with peace of mind, no consultation
I can't keep consantration
I need to keep this pace
No hesitation
Keep turning the page no matter what bookmarks get in the way
I'm a none believer in the yelnats curse
I need to keep this pace
Every unpronounceable word like a three legged race
My body is screaming determination while my mind is saying just give up
Sometimes the screams black out the counterparts but sometimes it's just not enough
I'll make it through these mind fields
Take a chance on these steady hands
Keep turning the page no matter what book marks get in the way
I find no refuge in the blurb on the back
I feel the nostalgia of being at school and not haveing the best grasp on life to tell the truth
I know it sounds strange but I'm getting the hang of turning the page

I might be in your bad books
But least you've written me down
I know we've got history
In a black book
A front bottoms ticket and relics of unconditional trust
The sort of thing that could break a man
with the code words it's not long now, it's not long I'll see you around
Eight hour round trips worth every mile
Do you remember how we fashioned junk food and late night TV as our new found routine
And I know this Saga is far from over plot twists no blank pages
We won't follow the lines
Stumble into the margin
Avoiding holes pre punched for us
Doodle my my name on almost anything
Least you've written me down.

Drive south into the sunset
Roll down your window let me kiss you away
A repeat of the same old story
That I'm still trying to get my head around
You always said the sun will rise again over a mountain with a far too familiar name
I always said I wish these days would never end
That's just another night without you
Tell me what it's like up there
Because I swear it's hard to reach the summit of these walls
Oxygen is getting scarce and the winds of change are picking up
It's not the first time I've been blown away  
We'll watch the sunset sleep together

I wish I could meet him
Have a heart to heart
Ask a few questions and talk it out
I'll be the interviewer
You be Theresa May lie about strong and stable til you're blue in the face
"Why me?" I ask
You slip on your words and I swear I hear you say
"You've got to understand i only plague the mind of the strong and we need to learn to get along"
I sit up at the edge of my bed questioning why I'm talking to myself  
I'm not that gone yet.
I'll find the common strength to overcome myself .

If you ever have the audacity to feel worthless
I know things didn't quite work for us
But remember the purpose that I wrote this
To remind you that you're beautiful
And I know there's not much to my life right now
Other than living in clouds and looking down
Trying to bargain your value while I don't even know my own
Why should you take the time to read a single line?
A poem I wrote in just fragments of my spare time
Because every second is priceless
But it'll always be worthwhile to try make you smile
And Every second I took to write this I was thinking of you

sat with hands clenched
Praying ghost will haunt these halls
Hoping that my door will creak open or maybe you'll even call and my chest will once again  become a pillow for your head
Did you find the  words at the bottom of a bottle
Or from the pile you left on the floor
Let's play a game of Scrabble so you can try string together a word that means anything at all
I'm not one for childish games
But I've grown up with people drinking far too much
Liquid courage always helped
Ignite the words they'd never of said
Take a shot or maybe even two
A small reminder of all the bullets I took for you
I left you a note on the table on the back of a wine bottle label
Which tells you why I'm unable to be here when you wake

I've got so much to say but my words fail the capability of causing release
so I turn to smashing my fist against the wall leaving blood spots on your calendar  
Exactly June the 24th so I always remember the day I tried to make the pain go away
The scratches on my legs from everytime I got bruised or bent are never deep enough to leave a permanent reminder
Maybe I need a voice sometimes to drown out my own
Sit there and moan about the bands we love and how generic they've grown
For years I've been a closed book
Stuck on a chapter with all my words thoroughly jumbled up
In fear of being seen as vulnerable and just a little ****** up
Shape me like glass so you can see right through
I've stopped giving my emotions the cold shoulder
Wasting my none to little time Circling my head with heated convosations and evaporation
I've come to realise I'm a gray cloud that needs a release
And a downpour would do us all a favour.

We sit and dwell
Waiting on clear skies and our skin to do the same
I'm trying to write down my heart
Mint condition filted out
A myth of perfection
You can't move forward from inside a box
Does it sound like I'm failing or giving all I've got?
When I was younger
I'd have laughed it off
If you'd have told me I'd write with so much feeling
If I say I'm writing down my heart
Does it sound like I'm failing or giving all I've got?
Words on paper give me so much comfort
When the words inside my head manage to loose meaning when they reach my tongue
Pushing myself to just get through a day
While words push back through gritted teeth
No matter the forces that come into play
I always find myself with pen in hand
Does it sound like I'm failing?

What if I can't look again?
Without disliking the words I say
I'm a manic
And the words in my head never truely translate
I wanna be a artist and create
Banish all forms of hate
That self deprecate
I wanna be happy and smile
But I can wait for a while
I'm impatient
But not like before
6am to see if Santa's called
Is this even good I question it all
But I've realised to move forward I have to scale every wall with due course.