I can’t wait for the day when I don’t think of you, when I feel acid rain pouring on my face like fiery fingers and tears, or when curls bounce around my face like the phone cord in the first house I remember, or drink cinnamon orange tea and write forty pages of gender theory. I can’t wait for the day when I don't remember you won’t message back, and I’m left on read like a newspaper reporter without a following, or when brandy and coffee doesn’t smell like your breath or how I thought you’d taste. Because fiery tears are acid rain on my cheeks that won’t burn the scattered pieces of you away.
have I told you how it hurts how the pain never fades how every remark from your lips keeps adding to my shame have I told you how I hate every word from your tongue that whipsers her name and every her to come have I told you I'm broken every day a new repair how I'm trying to fix me how its impossible with her there
It's 10:55 on December 27th and I swear that I will be able to forget the constellation freckles on your arms and how you shoved the "passive aggressive" note you asked me to write like I used to into your bag and shrugged it off when I asked like-- like you don't know your own charm.
It told you to "stop messing around on Facebook and write your **** :)", which may have been the last thing I would ever tell you to do-- I forget-- just like you forgot how much you missed my notes and reminders and all of it (except for me).
So, if you can forget about every Sunday night and the way your fingers danced on my ankle and my thigh, then I can pretend I never loved you in a way I swore no one else could because, to this day, I'm upset that you seem to think that there was anyone else besides you in this endless universe that ever would do.
I will forget the way you said my name when you were tired, frustrated, and alone, and the way you asked me to get wine drunk, because the 150 reasons that I was in love with you are the same reasons that I need to let you go, too.
I feel alone in my sorrows like no matter how many times, you can't possibly understand because you're too good at being you, while I'm stuck being me and the unfairness of it leaves me feeling lost I don't want to make you feel as I do, no I just wish there was a way I could show you help you see clearly inside my heart I know it can be dark in there but who else can I show myself to if not you? I need help I feel sick where
people only love me for moments for misses touches abd kises the first couple seconds before im old to them first couple seconds before they're over it im not sure ill ever be over it not sure ill ever get over this I'll never get over how people never stay how i can feel the loss of somone i never had how i can feel heart break when i never really had a heart because these people never loved me and im not enough to know how to love so why does hurt me so much when they leave people only love me when they need me otherwise im just an empty vessel trying to fill your needs and nobody loves a nobody