This Boy walks the earth
Displaying fraudulent pride
Keeping to himself
The number of times he's painfully cried..

This Boy walks the earth
Spreading smiles and cheers
Not letting a single person
Know his deepest & greatest fears..

This Boy walks the earth
With a head full of dreams
Smiling and goofy but hiding
That things are not as they seem..

This Boy walks the earth
With quite a lot to say
But it's what he never says
That bothers him every day...

This Boy walks the earth
Appearing so happy and free,
While most wouldn't guess it but,
This misunderstood Boy is me...

How am I supposed to trust people
How could I ever learn to believe words again
Saying "I promise" is so easy
But it means nothing
It's so easy to lie about feelings
It's best not to trust anyone
You won't be disappointed
When their "I promise"
Turns to "Goodbye"
It will happen
It's inevitable

if i could I would change the world to be a better place
not this troubled one that we have to face
there would be no worries, no selfishness, or greed
& a hungry mouth i would gladly feed
soldiers wouldnt die fighting in a war
i would change it all & we'd live in peace once more
I'd change it all around and make it a place fit to live
if i could change the world this is wat i would freely give...

How do you tell ya heart she's gone forever n not coming back? How does one pull off a smile when tears are always first to react? How do I keep you out my dreams if you're there every night? How do u jus let go of wat you always held so tight? How do you jus become friends with someone you were once in love with? How do u accept that you're now 2nd to who u put 1st? What happens to the future that was planned? What happens if her heart starts to love another? All the promises that were made, is there still hope? If not, how do u expect me to cope? Will the broken promises & hearts ever not be apart? What happened to the person that you were, why didn't I notice the changes start to occur?
When you've lost all u ever wanted, how can u ever smile again when your heart is now Haunted....

Love
Such a beautiful word.
But it can also be
Destructive,
Deceitful,
Uncontrollable,
Unpredictable,
And scary...
So simple yet, so complex...
I speak bout love so much
So recently I was asked what love means to me...

So Love, to me, means:

Never feeling alone. When you are with them, or when you are apart...

You want to know everything and anything about them. You want to hear their stories and their deepest darkest secrets, and keep them for only you and them to share...

Nothing that pops into your head is not heard by them. They understand. They know you And even if they don't completely understand, it's okay. You know that everything is safe with them. You can confide in them..

To you, they feel like home, your safe place, and an adventure all in one.

You never want them to feel alone or scared, or sad. You wish they could always feel loved..

You want them to always be happy. Whether they're with you, or even with someone else..
Always putting God before each other..
To see them smile.
To watch them feel whole...

That is what love means to me....

"Dear Mama",
Question...
"Is life worth living or should I blast myself"
I'm always searching for those "better days"
knowing that peace in my heart will come In "Thugs Mansion".
Where I can "sip champagne
while I listen to Billy Holliday sing
and sit there kickin it with Malcolm till the day came."

Should I "ride on my enemies"?
Become one of "Amerikas most wanted"?
Or should I remember
that "the road is hard so I'll never give up"?
And "time don't stop, always going by.
So I'll puff on mine, hoping that it will get me high"

Smile for me.
"Won't you smile for me now"?
"It ain't easy" being a changed man
so when it feels like "all eyez on me".
I just remember that
"heaven ain't hard to find".

But I'm Not starving, I been eatin Hardy,...like the night at that "Gangsta Party"....
Certain things happen, I wana be happy so I have to make some arranges... Hopin in my life I have the ability to 1 day make those "Changes"...

A lot of times I feel Lost in the confusion of my mind
Looking for a way out
Held captive by my own fears and insecurities
Caught up in my emotions of love & lust, joy & pain....
A heart filled with rage that seems to grow with age..
Biting my tongue for others because of the fear of being alone
Compromising for everyone else but never getting anything in return
Wondering why life is such a pain, but loving everything about it?  
The ups and downs, the tears and smiles! Praying that someone can love me for me
Regretting all the things that I've done in my past to bring pain to others.... Lost with no way out..
Afraid to take off my mask because of the judgment that lies ahead
Lost in my own confusion..
Can someone help me? Or have I already drowned? I believe the pain is all over, if so, then why on my face is there this constant frown?

It's like for a brief moment i escape from the pains of This life.. In that moment I feel no pain or strife...

I dont even know where I go, or if I go at all, all I kno is sometimes to get there I must fall..

Some say to make it to paradise you must come up with the ultimate sacrifice.. But wat is it? And how do I caress it?

When I go to this strange place I begin to see, maybe exactly wat paradise means to me...

But after the brief moment is up, and I then wake up, the perfect picture of paradise I can no longer paint.. That strange place I only see when I Faint..

Seventh Grade.
I wrote about a kid..
A troubled kid with memories, memories he did dread.. Of which he seen he grandmother in her deathbed.. He didn't kno he could write, but he did because it was his only Defense in the fight..

Eighth Grade.
My English teacher tried to
“Harness” my talent,
in the raw.. Said in me she seen no flaws..
Never forget that competition I lost to Chris, but this teacher Pushed me into competitions
Of which I had no interest...

Freshman Year..
I got accused of plagiarism. They Didn't believe these were my writings..
After all,
What could I possibly know
About the world's tragedies, poverty, or how the stars were symbolic to my thoughts and tears...
after jus a mere 14 years I've spent living here?
I was told to “stick to something
a 14-year-old could write" because a young man my age knows nothing about how world hunger just isn't right...

Sophomore Year
I wrote about the young girl that had my heart... That is, until she completely ripped it apart..
So I began to change it, grew cold, wrote bout "these hoes" because love was sumthin I just didn't want no mo!

Junior year
I began to mature, so I wrote about life, love things of that nature... Listened in class & found new ways to write, new things like using hyperboles, or changing it up & adding Analogies..

Senior year
I had no fear, at least that's wat they seen. I was focused and my eye was keen..started to learn I didn't have to cry, so I wrote about stages In my life, I learned to say goodbye, bye to the things tht made me cry, held my head high & looked to the skies.. I didn't have to run, I learned I could be Fighter.. I learned by looking bak at the Evolutions of a young writer...

Sometimes you jus have to constantly remind yourself that it'll all be okay..Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day..Remind yourself enough that one day you actually start to believe it! Remind Ya self that things have changed & they've changed for a reason, people change for a reason...jus gotta let go & move on..it'll be hard & at times you'll feel lonely, But God said he'll never leave you nor forsake u... & that's the only friend u truly need...Jus believe that.. When ya fed up jus remember to keep ya head up, besides... Who's to say tomorrow won't be the Best day of your life?

When words are said, sometimes I wish I hadn’t said anything at all. when I remain silent I feel like the words could have meant something. Stuck in between saying something or keeping it all in. I’m confused with myself. I need to get my emotions together, to the point where I don’t breakdown at the simple thought of having to do it without you. I don’t even know what makes sense anymore. I don’t know what has me stuck, trying to figure out what is it about you that has me going back and forth or trying to figure out how it felt to not love you. How to cope with a Lost Love..But I know When we have each other, we have everything, & Nothing in this world has ever felt more real to me then that statement. I could look at you and you know that I want to say something but just won’t. You know me better then I kno myself, I'm jus looking for the reason why everything changed and why all of a sudden everything that once mattered just doesn’t anymore. I tend to only write when I am falling in love, or when I'm falling apart.....
and I am already in love with you...