Waking up in cold sweat
was it real or just a threat?

I'm not...


                                                 sure.


It really scares me sometimes
              /not seeing with my eyes/

Desperately looking through my             memories

What isn't real, or rather, what is?
Maybe I need to take my pills
                                to see the kills
                                      of my dreams

It gives me chills
To have the feels

                                               -awake-

The Friend
  The Rock
  The Ally
  The Partner
  The Shoulder
  The Protector

                         that's what you were

  but in the greatest time of need
  you failed
                              and weren't there.

When time came to an end
you left just to pretend
                       that you didn't know.

        I call *******

Deep in your heart you knew
far before anyone else
But when the time came

           you were too weak to face it.

My "friends" came to say 'hey' on my birthday.

I was so surprised, almost happy until She came into my flat.
Just like that.

I knew I could not go with my friends, for I have to take care of her.

But she was different. Something was wrong.

High? Drunk? Sick?

Her eyes empty. Hands cold and shaking

But that just can't be her; she has been gone forever now.

                So who is this stranger          
                that I let in..?

It hurt.

When I was a teen
all that I wished for was to turn into a bird and flee.

Far away, far above
Away from all the things I know

I know I'm bitter, it's the easiest feeling.

I know it's there, yet I try to avoid the things with I'm dealing.

I don't understand... why.



It hurts.

I can't stand how
you just sit by the window now.
Staring at the leaves in the trees.
         spring leaves, growing
                 summer leaves, glowing
                            fall leaves, blowing
t h e   l e a v e s

The same ones you saw back then
The FIRST thing you saw after hearing
Still unfairly alive when       no.

         Don't think about it
         Don't think about it
         Just don't think about it

I beg of you.

I sigh
and keep my eyes fixated on those leaves