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The Misconstrued Oct 2017
I started it.
I let you stay in love with me while I was with someone else,
All the while smothering my feelings, my vain attempts to **** it.

You claimed to be with other women to get over me,
Until you found the woman you fell in love with,
Who almost set you free.

Whispered promises of love we shared,
While we held each others heart hostage,
We united with other bodies and hurting each others feelings were not spared.

I wish I had the courage to make it stop,
Instead of us pretending to be okay with it,
And letting a shot at a life together drop.

I am like the book on your night table that you keep but never read,
Even though you were in love with her,
You said I was also what you need.

You thought all that died that day was your unborn child with her,
A part of my soul died too,
Knowing that you two almost held a beautiful moment so dear.

What I did not know was that I was capable of dying a death more painful,
when you made love to her again,
right after I shared my body with you, a union I thought was magical and beautiful.

You casually shrugged and asked me what did I expect,
well then please put an end to this misery that was once love,
and erase everything right up till the first time we met
Did we push it too far? There's no simple love is there?
get me out of my head before it all begins to crash.
I can already see the fire on my left arm turning my skin into ash.

the once healed streaks begging to be opened once more.
begging for the admiration of the cold sharp metal they much adore.

get me out of my head before my hands begin to shake.
save me from my vision that scatters in my brain like an earthquake.

full of fear and confusion as to why everything is turning gloom.
wondering why, if all you ever wanted was to be loved and put into a safe, warm room.

get me out of my head before my chest begins to tighten.
I'm choking on my own words, tears and breath only to make me feel less enlightened.

I am scared of myself but I can't find refuge or escape.
A battleground worn out and torn by pierced bullets through a heart shape.

get me out of my head before I tear through my flesh.
gauge out my eyes and tear myself apart because I'm such a vile mess.

let the river of veins flow to the surface with its red colored stream.
watch as my world go dim and into an ever-lasting dream.

get me out of my head before I break down and contemplate my fate
get me out of my head before...
****... it's too late.
It's getting worse.
  Oct 2017 The Misconstrued
Twelve
Reminisce the unending nightmares,
****** upon the darkness of yesterday,
wings locked from freedoms of tomorrow.
Memories turned into steel bars, making it almost impossible to escape.
Haunted by the monsters inside me.
Seeking for light in the walls of fear.
Raging seas trapped inside a raindrop.
Waking in the absence of you.
Knowing everything constantly change,
like we used to be.
Your protection from every thought,
every kindness and every single guy is so high that no one in reality could get in.
And I'm dying not to tell you that you're the last thing I saw at night and the first name I breathe when I wake up.
sometimes i feel too much
sometimes i feel too little
i wish i could stay in that happy place
that lies right in the middle

when i feel too much
it's a torrent of emotion
a downpour of epic proportion
and i pray for it to end

yet when it does i don't feel enough
i'm numb, frozen, depressed.
I then pray for this to end
and i'd do anything to feel again

so i'm stuck in this happy limbo
never feeling quite right
like goldilocks in the three bear's house
i can't sleep at night
  Oct 2017 The Misconstrued
Willow-Anne
Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place
Being suicidal doesn't mean i'm going to **** myself

Being suicidal is having this unexplicable ache while you're living

It's waiting for your life to end, and wishing you didn't have to carry on

Having this ache, an incapability to feel happy living, doesn't mean that I am going to **** myself -

It just means I wouldn't mind dying.
The Misconstrued Oct 2017
My end will almost be poetic,
Me painted all over the pavement... Oh! So dramatic!
Over and over, at least that's the way I imagine it to be,
Everything just how I fantasise about it,  right down to the T.
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