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wake up to the sun
blink once and the stars are out
another day *gone
Time's escaping me.
I'm not living.
 Jun 2016 Marshie The Mellow
Pax
Sometimes life has a
bitter ending.
6word story.

Sorry for being away. Not sure i'll come back as soon as after this post. Ive lost my father just afew weeks ago. And im still in mourning even though i still cant believe his gone too soon from us. My friends and family advice me to stay strong. And i will but im not sure for how long, my loneliness and insecurities are eating me up inside. I can only share a few of my struggles. I was glad that i was able to tell my siblings what my inner struggle but im afraid what are they thinking right now, i know they love me but i cant still love myself, i hate thinking how much i dont like myself. I fear so many... i feel so tired at times without reason.  

Dear papa,

I wish your happy now in heaven with mama with you. I know how much you love her and us. Im sorry that sometimes i am not honest to you or i have put much distance between us when im in abroad working. Please don't take it too personally, i just wanted to be alone for awhile, trying to figure out what i want or need and im still searching in vain. Im sorry that im keeping a little disappointment from you,  thinking that you never cared for me. Because youll always say my sisters this and that, and that all your concerns are about their problem. Well i can't blame you, because when you say are you okay there? All i ever reply to you is im good. Even my relatives told me that he doesn't worry about me, perhaps beause they're thinking im too independent on my own that i don't need much of anything. Perhaps im just too good of an actor that they don't see what im struggling for. Okay, im all good now... ill make my life good as long as i still can. Thank you for being such a good father, ill miss you, goodbye...
Simply,
I am in love
with the thoughts of being in love.
It'd be hard to see,
A future of mine,
to be in love with someone.
Whereas
Thoughts are my domain
And
Reality is uncharted territory.
Who would've thought it was you.
A beautiful creature
  Disguised as a nightmare.
Lurking around
  and Making a mess.
My lips tremble
  and My eyes shake.
But such a kind man was shadowed by his appearance.
If only he had looked better,
  the whole world would be grateful.
But it's only the looks they see,
  for they haven't seen the Beauty in the Beast.
i already buried my voice a long time ago
when i chose to be a poet
i buried it with words in papers
in ink of pen with blues*

©IGMS
it seems like
im so exhausted
of all the talking
of all the reasoning
of defending myself
so i remained silent
For that guy who acts like a ******* bullet
That would burst into flower petals all over,
How dare you?

How dare you,
Make my heart flutter with just one shot of a look,
Make me smile just by looking at yours,
Make me scared because I can never predict what you'll do,
Make me fall for you even though you know it's not possible.

You know it's true
Yet you have no mercy on my heart.
I hate you for that
Yet I can't help but fall for you even more.
Just because* he loves you
  doesn't mean he won't leave you.
Just because he hurt you
  doesn't mean you can't forgive him.
Just because you're the perfect girl
  doesn't mean you get recognition.
Just because you're sad about a break-up
  doesn't mean you won't have another lover.
Just because of all these misunderstandings
doesn't mean they won't clear up.
Just because you think it's love
doesn't mean it's really love.
I thought I would be different today
I expected midnight this morning would have wrought a change
In me like Cinderella's coach that turned into a wrinkled pumpkin
Leaving her to walk home from the ball.

But that didn't happen.

Midnight struck this morning and the gentle heart and
Glowing soul who lies beside me through every lonely night
Reached back, pulled my face close to hers and said,
"Happy birthday, I love you".
Then she kissed me and I was young all over again.
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