I was the one who worked to show you things you hadn't experienced before

I was the one who convinced you it was okay to take care of yourself

I was the one you ran to when you had nightmares

I was the one who made sure you got enough sleep

I was the one who woke you up even after I knew you didn't

I was the one you called midday with your frustrations

I was the one you called midday with your break downs

I was the one who told you you weren't too broken to build

I was the one that held you to a certain standard

I was the one that made sure you were covered at night

I was the one who covered you with prayers no matter how mad I was

I was the one who reminded you to pray and give praise

I was the one who checked on you even when no one knew you needed to be checked on

And you

You are the one who broke me in two.

The one who made me choose between you and myself

The only thing I'd loved more than me

That's why I kept choosing you

It's why I must keep forcing myself to choose me today

Because I know you've already chosen yourself.

To know the depths of joy
You must go the length of sorrow

To see the sun rise
You must get up in the night

Moving forward
And moving on

When all of life
Feels completely gone

Is the only way
To truly see

Who it is
We are meant to be.

A woman's life is full of men.
They each see her as a prize.

A thing to touch and maybe hold.
Not intelligent. Not wise.

I am an object to you.
Walking ******* and skin.

You only think of what to say.
In the chance I might let you in.

My thoughts are deep
and my emotions pure
I have no time for boy games anymore.

My heart is full of pent up rage
Because I am an object to you.
Can't you see that the truth is...

You are an object to me too.

I choose you
Despite your flaws
And harsh words written on your back
I choose you
There will never be
an indiscretion I will
not face by your side
Because I choose you
Through every broken promise
And every broken dream
I choose you
When you choose the ones
who cannot love
but can always receive it
I will choose you
To face each dawning day
And prayerful night
I choose you
To love and cherish
To break and build
I choose you
I choose you
I choose you.

Sometimes, change is easy
It feels like trying on a new pair of shoes from a favorite department store
If the change feels good and fits, you move forward
You wear change like a badge of honor, a personal achievement
Then, feeling accomplished and joyful, with your chin raised a little higher, you let change enrich your spirit, a necessary transfusion to the soul

Sometimes, change is ugly
It feels like sticking bare feet into a thick  mud and wondering why there is resistance
You swing wildly at the fear, as if there was actually someone there
The possibility of change turns you into the victim and the aggressor, fighting tooth and nail to protect the now
Then, spent and weary, when your defenses are low, you let change break through, like water overflowing a dam

I didn't see the forecast
The one that predicted my blank slate
I thought it would look different
I thought it would follow a life filled with family, children, memories
I woke up one morning
An empty space in the bed
A calendar free of appointments
An unexpected ache in my soul
A blank slate