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Sirena Mar 2014
..
This is enough
You walked all over me
I mean ALL over me
I was here when times got rough
Yet my trust is a game to you
Oh how pathetic you are
Not knowing that when something good is gone it won't come back
Oh how pathetic you look
Begging me to please forgive
you one more time
Darling believe me I won't come back this time
I had enough
-SAMM
Sirena Jul 2016
20 & confused
20 & learning
20 & unsure
20 & trying
20 & lost
20 & sad
20..
Sirena Sep 2015
Thoughts of the words
The words that I want to say
They circulate around my brain
Think think think THINK
How do I ask a "yes or no " question without getting a "no"?
Oh come on THINK
a thousand words
a thousand ways  
Maybe I should've asked earlier ..you were in a good mood earlier
Maybe I should wait until later
Should I????
Oh my god is that a good idea?
No it's not
Why would I wait
THINK
And I can't think
I beat myself up and then I go back to feeling dead
Because I can't think of a way to ask you a "yes or no" question and not getting a "no"
- S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2014
The smell of your skin
The taste of your pink lips
My soul is for you to keep
Close
To you
The sparkle in your beautiful eyes is what keeps the fireworks alive
You are my fourth of July
-SAMM
Sirena Mar 2014
You're so funny I love that about you
The way you make me laugh at the stupidest things
You're so outgoing
Everyone loves you
I love you


You don't know when to stop
You just keep going until you can't
Like an alcoholic
You make the most idiotic comments
To fill the abyss deep down in you with light 
You don't seem to see the damage that you cause
The way others look at you with fear
Too scared
Too weak  
Your mouth never stops
But even when it does your words haunt
I hate you
-SAMM
Sirena Feb 2016
Don't let my ******* ways fool you, I'm capable of making you feel like heaven is a place on earth with me
I'll break that little heart of yours with just one sentence
Forever I'll b able to know what corners to hit for the deepest cuts
I am like your worst nightmare
And I can also make you feel like you're living a fairy tale
I'll look at you until you get lost in my brown eyes
And then I'll take your hand and help you find you
But don't get me wrong
I also get lost
At times I even feel belittled
I'm not perfect
I'm way too sensitive
I love too hard
But I also let go too fast
I am the girl that you want to bring home to your mom
But I am also the ***** that your friends tell you stay away from
I am toxic
But I'll come to you in the most beautiful ways
Because
I am bipolar...
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2014
Neck, back, both sets of lips, *******,
Deep breaths & soft moans
Light bites

Touch me

Kiss me passionately

Show me

I want you right here
Touch me with your hands and touch me with your body
I crave you
But
But
Kiss me slow,very slow
Kiss me until I am soaked
Kiss me until you lose control
But most importantly kiss me until I no longer can sustain myself
-SAMM
It is 3 am and I crave you like chocolate
Sirena Aug 2015
We all try to be so different
Oh your hair is blue?
Well then I'll dye mine green
Oh you like Drake?
Well I love J.Cole  
We disagree just to be the same
We compete just to feel like we both lost
So who has actually won?
A generation
Filled with lost souls
But together we are one
Copies of each other
That's what we are
You are me
I am you
What's the difference?
What's your difference?
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Nov 2015
You wrote me poems
Beautiful ones with such good words
I even felt something every now and then through your poems
However you always forgot to be like in the poems
You forgot to love me like you did in the poems
You said words like "I'm in love" and "you mean the world to me"
But you're 18
And you think like  13
I'm 19
And I feel 30
You wrote the poems
And I allowed the poems to live in me
You didn't
You wrote them because that's the only thing that you were good at
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2014
Your kisses feel like nothing
They are plain
Empty
The place
Your heart
Where you kept all your love for me is abbyss
Empty
You're looking at me into my eyes
But I don't feel you here
I look back at you and try to find you
All I am to find is my refection looking back at me
I am scared
You're not here
And I'm breaking
Slowly
But painfully
Though I no longer can feel your warmth while you hold on to me
I hug you
Tightly
I don't want you to forget that I'm here
Waiting
-SAMM
Sirena Dec 2015
The blue in the sky suddenly had been taken away and replace with colors that scream anger
I try to touch... That heart of yours
Your big smile the one that I felt in love with..it seems painful on your face
We are laying here listening to rain that no longer brings nostalgia, because it sounds like earth is throwing rocks at us
I try to touch... Again
But you're solid under the layers of skin
and I feel the rocks fall on my chest..every single one
I'm trying
I feel myself lose air, while I feel you gaining it
Your smile is back and for a second the rocks feel like actual rain
Your heart beats they are back as well
But you're not smiling because of me and your heart doesn't beat for me
I'm losing
Air
I am nothing while you feel like everything
I'm breathless now, I feel dizzy and I also feel pain
This pain I have never felt
I gave myself to you
Half and then half my heart is what you got
I watch you walk away with all of it
But suddenly the sky is not angry
And the rain feels like rain
I was keeping you in, I was the toxic one this time
now I'm heartless
I look for love in things that can only love me back
you left me heartless
I can only love things that can't change
you made me weak
I'm too broken,too weak
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2014
I live under the sea
Beauty all around me is all I see
I am north
I am south
One fin up
One fin down
Marvolous lotrous eyes
Always honest so trust and believe
At times mood signs occurs
Mostly when too much is going on in my mind
I care
Too much
An old soul
Who knows
Lust
Who knows
Love
-SAMM
I wrote this a while back
Sirena Mar 2014
I am ****
The end
Sirena Dec 2015
We kissed two days ago
The world stopped
Ever since then you have been consuming my every thought
I don't understand what's wrong with me
But I keep on asking myself if it's really possible to fall in love in less than a month?
-S.A.M.M
dec. 4th
Sirena May 2015
Dear mom,
Your taste in men is pathetic
I your gay daughter have a much better taste in men
These men where do you find them?
Jerks.com ?
Every relationship is worst than the one before
Every relationship starts right after the last one ends
Dear mom,
You're so beautiful so strong
I your daughter admire you
The strength to keep you going where do you get it from?
Every bill gets pay some how
Everyday I see you struggle to make life for us easy
Mom can you find someone that'll treat you how you deserve to be treated?
Can you find a real king ?
Mom can you be patient and let your king come to you?
Mom let these men know your worth
Mom please I beg you
Love yourself
Like you love us
I wrote this a while ago
Sirena Mar 2014
No one has taken control of my thoughts the way you do
No one has express so much through a kiss the way you do
No one has made me feel so welcomed the way you do
Baby no one has ever looked at me the way you do
No one has been able to both make me laugh and get me so wet
No one believed in me the way you have
No one has liked me so much
No one can look at me and have me smile so much
No one has touched me with such care
No one has listened to me so well
No one has looked into my eyes and has taken my breath away as much as you have and do
No one is like you
No one gets me the way you do
No one ..
No one has ever made me feel like this
No one..
I look at you and it's pretty hard not to smile
Whether I'm mad at you or not you will always have that effect on me
You say that you're lucky and well I know I have been blessed
So I thank whoever and whatever is up there
-SAMM
Me
Sirena May 2016
Me
I don't know when did I lose you
But I miss you
Imperfections and all
Your pride, your assertiveness
I miss when you had my back
I didn't have to depend on anyone for my happiness, or love
It was just you and me
I had you and that was all I needed
But now anxiety gets the best of me, I sit here while it controls me
Everything is misunderstood and it's blurry and it's hard and it's not real
It's not real at all
I miss you so much
You were the only real thing I ever had
You understood, you listened
A hard love and an impossible love..what's the difference?
The way you allow things to happen and the way things happens...what makes more sense?
The last straw and the cravings for a love so deep...what can I do?
Reality and delusions
Reality and delusions
The Aquarius and the Pisces
My concious and my stupid damage
I miss you so much

-S.A.M.M
Me
Sirena Nov 2015
Me
I decided that you and me
Can't be an us
You are not like me
And though, once upon a time our differences attracted each other, it united us to become one
I can't no longer live with this fact
You're the old me
Selfish, immature, dramatic, impatient, unable to love yourself
My counselor told me that we do this thing where we don't allow ourselves to see the truth until we are ready
I honestly don't know how ready I am to have days and nights without you
But I do know that I am ready for long hours of meditation, alone
For days and nights, alone
Allowing myself to grow
Allowing myself to fall, to learn
To love me, to appreciate me
I just hope that you as well grow, that the hate that you feel towards me becomes what it was before, love...
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Apr 2019
this is not a poem, it is simply the truth




I am sitting here looking pretty
I am sitting here no longer greedy  
I used to think that to love someone it meant that I needed to  remind them
remind them that I am still here and that I will always be here
looking back I can’t help it, I feel stupid
I watched too many movies, read too many books, wrote too many poems
Society put this idea of what love is in our heads and we run with it
to act obsessively
to be possessive
to be crazy in love
But why can’t we be sanely in love?
Why can't we give the person that we love space?
Why cant we meet each other in the middle?
I have a secret
the moment I let go, the moment I stopped reminding someone that my love is unconditional
I grew spirituality, mentality, emotionally
the universe treated me like a gift, a precious gift
it is sad to say but I felt like the moment that someone said they 'loved me'
they belonged to me
subconsciously I used to see them like an object, especially when I felt like I didn't deserve how they treated me
see my problem was that I was trying to find worth from someone else
I held on to people like a rope,
even after the break up
I realized that I will never be satisfy if I am not comfortable being open
but I couldn't be open
I was holding to a rope so tight that I needed both my hands, completely covering my heart
I broke the ropes
my life got better, this is not a poem this is a public announcement
No matter how much you love a person, no matter how much you gave them
that person does not belong to you
if they love you and if you love them
there will always be a middle
the middle is like nothing you could imagine
the middle is more about you
to be in the middle you need to sit pretty, you need to not be greedy
you need to put your legs up and enjoy yourself
you need to have a good time alone, and with new people
but most importantly you need to let go
letting go does not mean you love any less
because when two people are meant they are forever tied to each other
because love is strong
love unites people
and love heals
and sometimes even though we love, we need to not be together
and that is okay
It took me 2 years but this is where I am. I hope whoever read this finds peace.
Sirena Nov 2019
ever missed a person
but, then realized that what you really miss is the person you were with them and not them?
I thought I missed your cold hands at the beginning of the school year, around my neck as you kissed me
I thought I missed the way your foot steps sounded next to mine as we walked to your house
I thought I missed the way you looked at me before I knew you loved me
but, maybe I just miss how naive I was
maybe I just miss believing in someone
maybe I just miss high school, the way the hallway smelled, the way the locker room was painted, the way my feet felt as I ran in circles around the gym,
maybe I just miss being 15, being 16, being 17, being 18
or maybe I just really miss you
the way your bed felt
the way you touched me
the way you made me feel
Sirena Mar 2014
My alarm wakes my brain up
My body aches
I miss Sunday already
-SAMM
Sirena Mar 2014
As I lay here naked
My body kissing my covers
I have come to a realization
No naked body should be naked alone
I want you here
Naked with me
Because being naked means closer than close
And that's exactly what I want
-SAMM
Sirena May 2015
Every year on the twenty first of February you are the reason for the big smile on face
You add a new prettier bigger candle onto my birthday cake
You bring me into your strong arms and give me the warmest hug that a father could give
Every year I wish for the same thing, for you to spend my birthday with me again
The perfect husband and father
You are my mother's soulmate
And my best friend
You, however,are nonexistent
You left my mother
And you never showed me love,not even on the twenty- first of February
You never gave me a warm hug not even once
In my imagination is were you live
But reality would always get rid of you
And it broke my heart every year on the same day
Every year until my sixteenth birthday I wished for the same thing, for you to spend the twenty first of February at least once with me
All I wanted
All I needed
Was to be your little girl
At least just once
On the twenty-first of February
But you are nonexistent...
Sirena May 2015
Is it really so bad?
My heart can't take this crap anymore
My soul is black in sorrow
***** you !
I can't eat, I can't sleep, and breathing is way too hard to do
My eyes hurt way too much from all this crying
My body aches
But is this really so bad?
My heart is broken
I can't even feel it anymore
But there are people that forget that they have a heart
There are people that do not have any sunlight or full moons
So is this really so ******* bad?
It sure does feel like it
But it's not
No it's not
There's worst
And though this might one be one of the worst
This heartache isn't the worst
Pain
We all feel it
Just like love we all feel it
But pain that's what makes us, us
Pain
And this pain
This ******* pain
This pain that is slowly but surely killing me
Is not going to **** me
Because there is worst
And no
No
No ******!
This is not the worst
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Aug 2015
Am I a woman?
Am I alive?
Am I important?
Am I enough?
These questions
These bad dreams
These thoughts
Who am I ?
But who was I?
-S.A.M.M
I tend to have dreams that make me feel connected to someone that's not me now..
Sirena May 2015
Gorgeous bright yellow sun flowers in the winter
Long rides in the middle of a hot lazy summer day, when all you want to do is stay in
The moon during the day, and a hot sun at night
For me
All for me
Why?
Because I want to be selfish
  I want you to take sacrifices
All types of sacrifices
Forget the words "I love you"
And forgot the long poems
Forget "I'm sorry" too
Let me be selfish
Love me more
Why?
Because that's what I did
For you
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Dec 2015
Everytime I try to write  about you something stops me
I think I know why now, you broke my heart beautiful
I was never in love with you so how, how does that make sense?
I loved our friendship
We had the strongest bond
So alike that somehow we felt like opposites
I regret our first kiss, and that text
I also regret lying to you
I wasn't ready
but don't worry
I still have love for you
There are days like these when I can't help but wish that I was in your room watching movies and talking about our parents
You 13 and me 14
I doubt that we will ever be how we were
Things are so different now and sometimes that hurts
You were the bestest friend, literally my shoulder to cry on,  and it makes sense as to why we thought that it would be okay to try dating
And yes I do, I do regret our first kiss, and that text
Just how I regret lying to you
Because I was not ready
And you definitely don't need to worry I will always have love for you beautiful
-S.A.M.M
Sirena May 2015
True love doesn't act like this
A "soul mate" doesn't love like this
So why waste our time?
You try to kiss me with your lying lips
Hug me with your back stabbing arms
Look at me with your now empty eyes
My stomach turns and I just can't stomach
This thought, this idea of us
Being an us ever again
You say I have too much pride but true is
You just took long
Forgive you?
Forgive you in a couple of days for stuff that you did for six months?
You are still selfish
You got to break my heart for 180 days
And I get 72 hours to get over it
You are still a liar
You say whatever is convenient
You say the same things because you run out of beautiful words
But true love never runs out
True love doesn't overly repeat the same mistakes
A soul mate understands that patient is a part of true love
A soul mate keeps the fireworks alive
So why is it that now I am happier?
This is
The truth is
I am now enlighten with joy
While you're passive aggressive
I am assertive
While you find the negative
I am the positive because I find only positives
While you cry in your stoic manners because you are indeed lost
And you have indeed lost
I learn, I mediate, I
I live
I am alive and I am grateful
The truth is
Life goes on
So I moved on
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2016
perhaps the reason why you assumed that I wasn't yours was because you are not mine
"you need to get over her..and that's okay"
confusion
what you really meant to say was "I'm not over her.. I need your help"
gut feelings
how I felt about you Jan. 15th is how you are starting to feel about me now is mid March
I am 10 steps ahead in love with you
you are making me pay a price that I never...ever
she broke you
you had me think that you were ready
but her name is on your skin, her clothes are in your closet, she lives in your memories...
I am paying
for her wrongs
and no baby I am not insecure
is this gut feeling
you are unstable
unsure
but when you look into my brown eyes and I get lost in your big dark ones
I swear the world stops, and I know that I am yours
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Mar 2014
You're far
Physically you're here
But mentally you're long gone
You're not here
And I miss you
-SAMM
Sirena Jan 2018
What exactly is a poem?
Sirena Mar 2014
I'm crazy about you
Your hugs
Your big hugs
Your quick hugs
Your kisses
Your soft kisses
Your passionate agresive kisses
Your voice
Your sleepy voice
Your "baby come here" voice
Your looks
Your "I'm okay " look
Your "I want to kiss you " look
Your "I'm tired" look the one  when your  eyes  are watery
Your hands
The way they feel agaisnt my skin
The way they hold on to mine
The way your fingers wrap around  your pen when writing
Your lips
The way they touch mine
The way they become so small when  you're mad at me
You
Your hugs
Your kisses
Your voice
Your looks
Your hands
Your lips
I must admit I love the fact that I'm crazy about you
-SAMM
Sirena Apr 2014
Not the best
Not perfect
None can you make you laugh
None may make you feel so unsure
None is so mysterious
None may make you get goosebumps in those places
-SAMM
Sirena Nov 2015
Depression for a positive individual is like this

At first you don't even realize that you're depressed
Because you are naturally good at mostly seeing the good
But then laughing starts to hurt so you stop laughing so much
At 3am it wakes you up
And then again at 5am
But it doesn't let you get out of bed until 12pm, or maybe 1pm, or maybe 2pm
Days are so short and so are the long nights
You tell yourself that you are just upset and wake up the next day "motivated" to be better so that you could feel better
You lie to yourself
You are positive
But depression starts to follow you around you start to see it when you are having a good time out with some friends
You feel it watch you try to sleep
And then you find yourself watching TedTalk videos, funny comedies, and they actually help
Because you are such a positive person
But then
You feel this hole deep inside you aching with sorrow and wrath
And laughing is just impossible
3am becomes hell and so does 5am because depression took your sleep
And one moment you feel like you're on top of the world but the next these suicidal  thoughts creep into your brain

Depression for a positive individual like me it's like

At first of course I ignore it
I don't admit the fact that I'm actually more than just upset because I'm naturally positive
And then I treat it as if it's nothing big
But hours turn into days that later turn  into months
Most days I feel "happy" but at night when it's just me and my thoughts, I am not allowed to sleep
And if I do get a good sleep my days do not have any sun light, or rainbows
One moment I am the happiest person in the world
But the next I can barely get out of bed

Depression for everyone is like

A dark shadow that later on becomes all of you
An enemy that eats you alive, slowly but so painful that
You cry start to cry empty tears
Headaches are migraines
Friends, family, lovers, are hard to please so they are ignored
Because you feel ignored
It is the empty feelings that become your mornings and nights
And it's hard to understand
No one understands that just because you had a good day
It doesn't mean that tonight you will get any sleep
No matter how positive you decide to be depression lets you know every night that it is indeed better than you
Because you are, your own enemy
We are our own enemies and who knows to hurt us better than us?
Depression you
Depression me
And no matter how positive you are
Depression will try its hardest to win
to break you into pieces
And even after you are better
a part of you would forever be a part of depression
-S.A.M.M
Sirena Aug 2015
Just like my throat my eyes feel red
Just like you my heart is cold
You talk but you don't listen
You do but you don't finish
Sometimes, I wonder
And sometimes I wish
Do you enjoy it?
What do you get from hurting my feelings?
Over and over I ask myself
How could my mother break my heart more than any lover?
How could the woman that I am to depend on for comfort, love, and stability make feel so lost in this world?
I used to wish for a better me
Maybe if I was funnier, maybe if I wasn't so sensitive
Maybe
But I'm not the problem never have been, it's you
And I want to thank you
For never letting your arms be warm with love for me
For never knowing what words to say without making me hate my life
For never having my back
For never allowing me to look up to you
For leaving me no other choice than to stand for myself, than to hug myself,  than to give myself love, and comfort
No other choice than to stop being a kid
No other choice than to stop loving you
No other choice than to be independent
But just like my throat my eyes feel red
And just like you my heart is cold
This poem is just something to reread later on to kinda give strength when I need it.

— The End —