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What gives them the right to say
everything will be okay?
When in fact,
years and years have passed
with my emotions masked.
I struggle through each day
without the strength to say,
I hate the useless fights.
I cry myself to sleep each night.

I've mastered the art of silent tears.
Each night. Each month. Each year.
My family tries to understand my emotions,
claims they've been in this same motion
but, oh, how could they have been?

I watch from the outside,
continuously struggling to get inside.
I watch the family of four,
though only from the door.
And ask myself,
Where am I in this mix?
It's simple. I merely don't exist.

But it didn't start off this way. No.
When exactly did I go?
My soul is trampled on.
My heart seams simply gone.

I watch as my siblings change,
growing each and every day,
and here I am staying precisely the same.

They say I'm afraid to develop.
When in fact, I've simply given up.
They say each day is a token.
Then why does it just leave me broken?
When I try to explain,
they say don't complain.
But they just don't see,
It's not my surroundings that make me unhappy.
It's simply what's inside of me.
Which happens to be nothing.

So now I will ask,
When will this pass?
Another day. Another month. Another year.
How long must I continue with these silent tears?
My first poem! It's a bit of a sad one, but it really exemplifies my emotional struggles recently. My friend said she really related to it, so I thought I would share it. Thanks for reading.
When the leaves will fall
You would miss me
When the cold will crawl
You would wish for me

When tears will fill your eyes
You would long for me
When you breakdown with cries
You would wish for me

When you watch the stars at night
You would think of me
When you sitting at a height
You would wish for me

When your tears will finally dry
You would intend to forget me
When you drink and cry
You would only wish for me

Β©sim
Or maybe not...
One day an 11-year-old girl asked her daddy, " What are you doing to get me for my 15th birthday?" The father replied, " There is much time left." When the girl was 14 she fainted and was rushed to the hospital. The doctor came out and told her dad she had a bad heart. When she was lying in the hospital bed she said: "Daddy, have they told you I'm going to die yet?" The father replied yes as he left weeping. She said, " How can you be sure." He turned around from the door and said" "I know". She turns 15 when she is recovering and comes home to find a letter on her bed. It says " My dearest Daughter, if you are reading this it means all went well as I told you. One day you asked me what I was giving you for your 15th birthday, I didn't know then but now my present to you is MY HEART." Her father donated his heart.
When I close my eyes to sleep at night,
I see you lying there,
alone in bed so far away,
it just doesn't seem quite fair.

If wishes worked like magic,
that's not what I would see.
For you would be much closer,
lying next to me.

Your head would be upon my chest,
your leg draped over mine.
Softly, you'd be sleeping,
and life would be just fine.

And as I drifted off to sleep,
your arms would hold me tight.
Together we would dream the truth,
of this and every night.

That this is how we're meant to be,
together, intertwined.
Just look at all the paths we took,
each other just to find.
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
who knew that in about
4 years time,
or maybe
10,000 years lost in
10,000 multi hued tears,
id be on the same trip-
dancing to the same
shimmering inner grove as before-
braiding fresh cut
flowers-
delicate genital-hands, unfolding in prayer
into my subconscious mind
or perhaps into my hair-
saving colored prism fragments
of knowledge or nonsense-
digesting intoxicating
incense smoke into the
deep throated green streaked
laughter chasms
that are my lungs-
spinning vinyl, spun mind
unwinding, undulating
through string music-
contemplating the sunset's sweet
immaculate form, reoccuring
and balancing itself right outside my window-
dressing in shells, bones,
and beads; kaleidoscope fabric dripping from
the ******* like mother Kali in a Fellini
flick-
peeping out at heads slinking down
the ****** pavement streets-
my hairy angelic form grooving
intensely, spastic-
body flung, strung out in
hot patterns of
mirrored arms and legs-
brain brew bubbling; wicked, fantastic-
limbs waving and grabbing at
tangible tasty morsels,
smelling strongly of indigo
and patchouli-
the East smiling on me and
my intrepid journey to the ocean city-
head thrown back in
tranquil madness-
pipe smoke curling like
ancient hound howls from the corners
of my lips-
smiles spread like insanity, a wicked disease
lost in the forgotten finger painted
confounds of creamy
****** milk consciousness-
basking in lamplight
of the golden glistening
                                  Now.
Shhh...
Close the shade to the windows
of your soul.

Listen... Listen... Listen some more
Do you hear it?

Silence. Yes. Lets listen for a bit more.
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