I can't decide if the grass is greener on the other side or if it just keeps getting brown as I walk to that side.
and I thought maybe if I drank myself to sleep tonight I'd stop having dreams about me dying.
have you ever noticed how the sky can be a bright blue on one side and the darkest black on the other right before it storms?
do you wonder if the bright blue side knows the dark black thunderstorm is coming,
or is it a surprise just as it is to us?
maybe if the storm waited a few more days or minutes it wouldn't have been as bad.
maybe it was always that bad.
maybe the rain is what makes the grass greener.

the people around me
don't understand what it's like
to be stuck living in
what seems like the smallest town in
the world
with a mind and dreams bigger
than the whole galaxy.
it feels like suffocating.
like each day passing I'm going
deeper into the water.
only hoping to one day
be set free.

I was always stuck.
always in a rough patch but I was also
always inspired.
and no matter what, I just kept
writing and writing and writing
and trying to yell
to scream about how I felt
but all I was screaming at was
blank pages.
and blank pages listen better than most people
and I could've sworn I was absolutely
out of my mind,
but I don't think I cared anymore.

And you see, thats the thing about me,
i don't know what i want.
one minute i want to live in this
beautiful city, and the next i want
to burn it to the ground.
I'm like a walking paradox
i want to quit but i also
want so badly to never stop trying.
and i'm never sure about anything
but i'm 100% sure about you.

there is no worse feeling in
the whole world than
trying so ******* hard
to only fail.
like i swear to god it smells
like this house is burning down
but everyone knows it burnt down
years ago.
and maybe i'm a little drunk,
but maybe i always am.
like god didn't give me
the power to do anything,
except write.
like i will never be heard by
anyone.
and my face lotion
smells just like you,
but now a days i smell
a house burning down
and i think it smells like you.
and the word "sorry" seems
to slip out of my mouth a lot
more than it should.
i think thats what a
burning house is like.
maybe its saying sorry, agreeing, and failing
even though you know
you shouldn't.

Have you ever wanted to take away
someone else's problems so much
that they become your own?
You want to get them a one way
ticket to God knows where
and say "Just for you and I."
so the world will stop crashing at their feet.
and God knows it'll stop crashing at yours too.
You love someone so much that
you just want want to take away their
pain so bad
that it starts to become your own.

you woke up one day and ripped my
heart out of my chest
and I'm happy that I picked it up
and grabbed it back from you before you left.
I think you thought I spent my time searching for my other half
but what you didn't know was that
I was never half.