I was naïve,
I used to think love was a disease
but then I found you
and you became my cure.
The illness that became me
started to fade like the sun
we liked to watch set up on that hill
that looked out to the unknown.
The disease began to disappear
with each day we spent together
    every touch
         every kiss
   every embrace.
The remission didn't last for long;
I was naïve,
I never thought the cure could be worse than the disease.

I know there is going to be a day where I will be able to sit on my basement couch and not think of all the nights you had spent on it.
I will be able to eat my favorite foods again without thinking of you.
I'll be able to sleep in my bed, alone, without feeling lonely because I had used to sleep alone only two days out of the week.
I'll be able to walk through a nice town with lights stringing in the trees without thinking about how we used to walk hand in hand
for days together.
I will be able to sit in my car and look at the passenger seat without picturing you sitting there with tears welling in your eyes saying
"I can't do this anymore."
I will come alive again.
I always do.

you are going to build your walls so high
and one day you will meet someone who
you'll let tear your walls down
and then one day they will wake up and change their mind
and it will feel like the ground is going to break
underneath you with each step you take
and you'll not want to wash your clothes or sheets ever again with the fear that
you're washing them out.
and you'll feel like you're going to die.
but the sun will shine again one day and your walls will build themselves back up.
you will be okay.

stop destroying your life
and yourself
for people who
don't deserve it.

sometimes I think about what I would do if someone handed me a liquid that ended my life right away without feeling any pain or putting in any effort.
a few years ago I probably would have taken it without hesitation,
but now I would stop and think about how the sky turns pink when the sun sets in the evening.
I would think about how my dogs lick and jump when I first walk through the door after a few short hours.
I would think about how the sun reflects off the buildings in the city on a beautiful day and how good it feels to look at while drinking a cup of coffee-
I would think about how at ease we laid on the train ride home that day and how whenever we're standing under a sky full of stars we look at eachother instead of up.
life is full of little moments that set us free

*do not drink the liquid.

how many times
have you told yourself
you would be better
off this way.

I can't believe it took
me this long to
realize people
will never be able to
save you,
but only destroy you.
it's either yourself
or nothing.