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Shanijua Jun 2014
When I was little, I had this toy guitar that I loved to play with, red and white.
Something a normal child would have. I went to school, made lots of friends,
Got invited to birthday parties, I even got a rose from one of my
Best friends at the time for Valentines Day. I had two friends whom I used
To call all the time. There wasn't a single day that went by that
I didn't call one of them. So normal.
I guess I understand why even those friends left me, although I didn’t
At the time. I was always destined to be this.
This is a portion of a suicide letter I wrote.
Shanijua Jun 2014
Can someone tell me what has happened?
What is this word that we often use, normal?
It seems as if it has lost it's meaning or maybe
I have forgotten.
Do you find yourself using this foreign word?
Surely you know, maybe you could explain for
I am anything but.
Oh, I hope you can. I hear it is good, to be "normal"?
I wish I could concur...
Shanijua Jun 2014
How can you love him more than you love me? I see the way you look at him when you think he's not looking. And how you hate to be even slightly embarrassed if he's around.
Shanijua Jun 2014
She gave you a smile.
Teeth showing and all.
You could almost hear
The crashing of her walls
As they hit the ground.

You go to take her hand
And she begins to twirl
A strand of hair between
Her fingers. Still shy and
Timid, the fragile girl.

Where will you ever see
Such beautiful almond shaped
Brown eyes other than standing here,
On this beauty. Oh, yes, you call
Her Beauty.  

****. You can't help yourself
From imagining all that you would
Like to happen if given the chance.
But, not here! Not at Church for God's
Sake! He should strike you down in
This very moment… Yet, who could
Blame you?

When the prayer ends, you look
At Beauty one last time before
Having to take your seat. A hint
Of a smirk plays on her lips and
She looks down to your pants.
Oh God. She knows.. How
Embarrassing. This is a place of
God and this is sin..
Yet you can't help but to feel
Pleased.
Shanijua Jun 2014
Love sits on a balcony, feeling the wind blow past.
Love has no anchors pulling it to the ground. It is
Free to get up and leave when it desires. Love does
Not have emotions that cloud it's judgment. Have you
Ever felt water as it slips through your fingers?  It just keeps
Going and going and going until you shut it off. It starts to
Burn. Hotter and hotter it feels against your skin, yet
You don't have the will to shut it off.. For that moment,
You're not alone. After being numb, you feel. But it
Burns! None the less, it's a feeling. As with this free spirit
Called love. Everyone knows all love isn't good, well if
It isn't good love, then is it even love at all? We accept love
No matter how it is presented, through appreciation or even
Abuse because it gives us feeling, joy, envy, worth, sadness, emotion!
No one likes being alone, we want to feel.
But soon enough, it reaches dawn and it is time for our friend,
Love to go. It is time for the next balcony, it is indeed windy
Out.

— The End —