When I was little I liked to catch  firefly's
I kept them in a glass jar just for the night
And then I'd let them go
Looking back at it now I think I made them suffer
Capturing them
Locking them away
Making them feel suffocated
I hurt them
It saddens me because I hurt too
So much that the pain becomes numb
And then it's like I don't hurt anymore
The difference is my pain is still there
I'm still locked away
The firefly's are the lucky ones
*They got back their freedom

I'd like to wrap my soul in the wind
I'll blow away to the skys limit
In the process I'd be an adventurer
I'd search for love
Seek for happiness
Look for the other part of me
And be satisfied with the rest of my life

inspire someone
2. See something majestic
3. Feed a sting ray
4. Climb to the top of Mount Everest
5. Discover a new species
6. Go ski diving
7. Fall in love
8. Become a mom
9. Scuba diving
10. Swim with a dolphin
11. Marry
12. Become a grandmother
13. Save a life
14. Feed the poor
15. Be in two places at once
16. Get a tattoo
17. Kiss the most handsome man in the world
18. Go to Paris
19. *Give my life to God

I've found someone
Who makes me feel alive
Who makes my heart skip a beat
Who makes me feel as if I'm not inadequate

He is the rose that bloomed through the thorns I was trapped in
And God crafted him just for me
But to say we'll last is an understatement
My insanity could always set free

Don't call me beautiful
Before you notice how much I read
Or how often I drown empty pages with words
Or even how often I light up a joint

Don't call me beautiful
Before you learn all my faults
Or my insecurities
Or even my death yearning addictions

Don't call me beautiful
Before you get to really know me
Even if my past makes you think less of me
Because I hate being identified by my body

Smiling is so overrated
And so is shedding tears

If I smile then I'm fake
If I cry then I'm weak

I will lock away all my emotions
And be the broken shadow no one notices

I push people away before they get close to me
That way they don't get the chance to hurt me
It's not that I'm not strong
It's just I'm a rare soul
One who's in love with love
I fear that if I'm hurt
Then that pain will be strong enough ruin my love

You're strong. You're beautiful. You are enough.

no I'm not.

Let me hold you. Let me steal your tears. Let me heal you.

it's too late

**Sometimes you're too damaged to be saved. Sometimes love can't even heal you. Sometimes having a hand to hold isn't enough reason to live.

I have an addiction
I cut and burn myself
It's not that I want attention
But for those of you who don't know this
The world is a huge tragedy
Filled with sadness and depression
And alot of times you won't feel loved
So you'll hurt yourself to feel something
Or maybe this is just an exaggeration

I was only 10 years old
You were 23
I lived with my great grandmother
Oh how she loved me

You were my big cousin
I was your little cousin
I laughed and played
You called me in your room and touched me

I promised not to speak
I promised to keep it a secret
but some promises should break

I only told my best friend
We grew up together and
any secret of mine was a secret of hers
She promised not to tell
but she did anyways

She tried to keep it for a while
I swear
but then my school friends found out
They promised to keep it a secret too
but then they told the principle at school

She called for me
and I approached
"Cheyenne is what the girls told me true?"
I looked down
and cried
nodding my head
She hugged me
and told me to go to her office
I did

I sat there for a while
Eventually the police came
Then i talked
hours later the nurse was kind enough to give me a ride home

I know you are angry at me
but some secrets should break
You don't know what pain I've been through over this

One of my friends went against me
and told the whole class
and thought it was funny

I was taken away from my great grandmother
Oh how she cried when I left
and now i'm forced to live with my abusive father

Yet I have no petty for me
Your the one I feel sorry for
and this is my apology

I apologize that I put you in jail
I apologize that every night in your cell that man touches you
The same way you touched me

This is my fault
I should of kept my mouth shut
If I would of I'd still live with my great grandmother
Your mom wouldn't tell the family I lied about what you did to me
Then my family wouldn't hate and criticize me
I'd still be loved by the people I grew up around

Some may say you should apologize
Because your the one who touched me
Your the reason my family hates me
Your the reason I have no one

But I can't blame you
I'm too soft hearted
I can't hold grudges
Forgive me please
This is my apology

She is so beautiful
Short sun golden hair
Eyes made by the stars
Truely a majestic being

Of course she has flaw
A limp when she walks
Small weakening bones
A voice that lacks of an impaccable speech

It hurts me
To watch her hurt
Watching everyday
Death approaching slowly

My love for such a small child
Shall never be understood by anyone
Except by my heart

I though I understood it
But I didnt
The pain I mean
You know the kind that haunts you
Follows you like a stalker
On the bright side
I must say that every morning
Right when I wake up
Theres a split second
Where I am at peace
Where everything is okay
Then it all comes back to me

It hurts me
To watch her hurt
I thought I understood it
But I didnt
That no matter how much I pray
She will be the one sick
She will be the one in her grave

His lips felt so rugged against mine
More like a graveyard
His arms embrace felt so firm
More like the grip of a wild animals teeth when clenched down on its prey
His dominance can be so lustful at times
But when I'm weak and he's angry I'm trapped in every woman's nightmare
In that moment I am unaware if the hollowness of my body or the death glare he gives frightens me the most
Either way it's safe to say he is the reason I feel dead inside

He sees her body
Not her sore tears
Or her forced smile
She's afraid and crying out
But he only sees her flushed pink lips
Not her unhealed scars
Or her numb heart
He's blinded by her beautiful appearance
He doesn't hear her screams
He's too focused on what her hands might do in the dark
He'd be disappointed to know they only turn on lights
Because the dark scares her
Just like happy faces and crowded places do
Moral of the story she's broken
Like shattered tempered glass
And she has an excellent disguise
Like chameleons in the trees
So to the world she's completely fine

It's the worst when you can't cry anymore
You're breaking and everything is gone
You're in a so much pain
Your heart races and the oxygen feels low
But you have no tears
So you just sit there staring blankly at the wall
It's like you're slowly dying and you can't scream for help
So you just sit there until you take your last breath

You
Are
So
Broken
My
Darling*

When he whispered those words to me I immediately hated him

And I will always hate him

Stop having more children when you can't take care of the ones you already **have.

Hell is when you relive the worst moment in your life over and over again