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572 · Mar 2015
My one and only wish(10w)
I wish
I could go up
And
Not come down
570 · Jul 2014
Lost Respect
Everyone complains
How you treat me
So wrong
No love
No care
No nothing
Yet when faced
You lie about me
To make yourself
Look good
Before I still
Looked up to you
Because you are my father
But now
**You've lost all respect
567 · Jun 2016
I'm an artist
I like to think I'm an artist
My body is the canvas
And yes my paint brush scars me
But at least it makes me feel better
They are so thirsty for me
The men I mean
They're like vampires that have been forced to starve
You'll never know which is thirstiest for my blood

The soft ones will soon back down
They'll quickly realize how my eyes show no sign of joy
My heart does not contain love
And my mind is over taken by the thoughts of death and ***

The others with stay
For they don't care about how broken a girl is
They'll only ever worry about how perky my breast are and how lustful the sight of my *** is
Maybe even see the brokeness as an easier way to take advantage
556 · Jul 2015
Untitled
My words do not match the dreadful truth that suffocates the human being within me
555 · Dec 2015
Happiness is the Enemy
Happiness is only temporary
It ends and leaves you damaged
It builds up and then it disappears

All emotions are good for is pain
It's like a disease that slowly attacks the heart
Eating it until it's gone and all you have left is an empty soul

I'm broken
And I blame happiness
It's the true monster that destroys our beings
551 · Aug 2014
opulent and rare
Your love is so opulent and rare
I can't help but gape at the thought
The thought of that love being mine
When other girls must gibe at the thought
The thought of that love belonging to another
I must say
Before you my emotions were unkempt
They weren't properly maintained
And to be honest I'm not even sure what my emotions even were
I even think I was too tentative to want to know
And even though I was unkempt and tentative
I often found myself being stolid at times
I was being stolid and unresponsive to my emotions
But stolid was something I used
Yes that's right I used it
I used it to guise my emotions
I used it as a cover a mask to keep my emotions hidden
Not now
Not anymore
Now I have fortitude towards my emotions and it's all because of you
You took your opulent and rare love and used it as a grenade to break my four walls I worked so hard to build
542 · Dec 2015
My Test of Life
I fear that one day my life will be controlled by substances
It's sad to say that I put myself in these situations
But my body yearns to feel numb and I know of no other way to make the pain go away
Maybe not feeling is okay but my bad choices could conflict badly on something amazing in my future
To decide which is more important and at the same time not allowing my body to be over taken by drugs is difficult
I always thought I was strong and this is my test
It will define the person of whom I will become and if I fail then I apologize
I apologize to the future me because I know you will suffer
And I know happiness will not be an option for you
Stars remind me of hope
It's like they are painted upon the sky each night just for me
And even though I know stars fall
It never seems like they really do
It seems as if they stay perfectly placed in a black mist
Like it's the one thing that's good and never goes away
The one happiness that does last forever
534 · Jun 2014
Under a trillion stars
I watched the night go by
Under a trillion stars
The sun comes creeping in
It makes me think of you

These walls stand between us
I stood so tall
As did you
It was not enough

I remember your laugh
I remember your gentle touch
I remember how divine the taste of your lips were
I remember under those trillion of stars we would dance
Dance to the song that explained what we had most

Now alone
I watch the night go by
Under a trillion stars
The sun comes creeping in
It makes me think of you
534 · Jun 2015
My Mind is it's Own Person
My mind is it's own person
Always taking control of it's thoughts
Being careless of my feelings
Not knowing it's thoughts effect my weakening soul
I'll never forget how each night I lay awake
As my mind forcing me to see myself trapped
Trapped with in a dark forest
I can feel the vines wrap around my body pulling me
It pulls my soul into nothing
And when I scream
No one comes
Because no one cares
My mind is it's own person
And reminds me each night
That I am alone
And in that moment my heart knows
To always be shielded
And in that moment I smile
Because even though I'm sad
I know that I'm protected
529 · Sep 2014
Wind
Wind
The voice of the world
The songs of the mountains
It's a beautiful melody
Filled with swirling storms
Consumed with so much emotion
It's like a flowing volcano
Ragging with strong emotion
Letting it slip out ever so beautifully
525 · Jun 2015
A Poet Who Causes Smiles
There's this poet who makes me smile
We are still sort of like strangers
I don't know his smile
Or the sound of his laugh
But I do know a simple hello in my inbox can brighten my day
It may not mean much to you
But I can't remember the last time I smiled
And my eyes smiled as well
521 · Sep 2016
Untitled
How do I explain to people that when I say I'm tired I don't mean I'm sleepy
I mean living is exhausting and I need a break
But that's just it isn't it?
I can't explain it to anyone
No one will understand
The darkness I lost myself in has me chained and I will not fight for freedom
I'm weak and fragile
My demons refuse to let me baptize myself in the happiness that everyone seems to be drenched in
And the worst part of it all is my peers think I'm happy
They see my smile and hear my laughter
They are blinded from my trembling lips and deaf from my screams
And don't get me wrong I know I'm not the only one
But those who suffer as I am fail to realize it's not just sadness
It's so much more
It's like I'm burning alive with no one to save me
The struggle is unnoticed
And even though I have so many people who care about me I feel as if I have no one because the person I want to be here for me isn't
This battle to live when I want to die is breaking me
I only live so the one I love most won't feel alone
But that loved one fails to realize I'm suffering most
I just need the drugs and the pills
I'll spend my days smelling of ciggerates and sleep
But forever isn't promised and the bridge is sketchy
If I fall just know I held on as long as my insanity let me
515 · May 2015
Our Last Words
Alone and forgotten
Like a crumbled sheet of paper
Until I found you
With your goofy laugh and charming heart
Your love locked me down
Enslaving me in a forever happiness with your tender lips and embracing arms
Sometimes fear appears
Thoughts of loosing your love
Thoughts of not being enough
But life goes on and at the end of the day
My heart beats with yours
my eyes admire you as you admire me
And our last words are always
I love you
511 · Jul 2016
Untitled
They say everyone has a story
And there's always people who want to hear it
But let me tell you something about mine
It's not a story
It's real life
It actually happened
And I'm haunted by it everyday
People expect others to just tell about our faults and tragedy like it's nothing
Like it's something sad from a story book
But it's not that at all
The pain
The battle
And the struggle was all very real
You can't just take words and put them together and expect it to be a story when it actually reality
510 · Oct 2014
Then There Will Be No Pain
I don't know
What's wrong with me
I'm weak
I'm tired
I'm shaking

I don't know
What's wrong with me
I'm not feeling happy anymore
I just don't understand
Everything is going right

I have someone who loves me
I'm doing excellent in school
My friends are great
Yet..
I am broken on the in side

My heart isn't whole
It bleeds tears
Cries out
And no one hears

Crying
Crying
Crying
For so long
Not even I have noticed
And it's my broken heart

I don't know
What's wrong with me
I think I'm going insane

Give me stitches
Too patch up these holes
Give me band aids
Too cover these wounds
Get me a dentist
Too take these cavities
So then there will be no pain
And I will feel **nothing
509 · Mar 2016
My Name Is
My name is Lonely
And I hate people
Because my social anxiety holds me hostage

My name is God
And I hate my creator
Because the temple he built for me is ugly

My name is Depression
And I hate happiness
Because it regected me so many times before

My name is Anxeity
And I hate to fear
Because I am afraid of living

My name is ****
And I hate my body
Because men sexualize it

My name is Nothing
And I hate everything
Because everything is something
506 · Apr 2015
My strive
I strive for a great escape.
501 · Feb 2015
when I cut myself
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
Ill never forget the way I sit in the bathroom floor
Or the way my legs stretch out on the floor
Or how my back feels pressed against the wall
Or even how I hold the blade in my right hand
Ill never forget the way
The blade feels against my left arm
How the blood  slips through my skin
Or how the world gets find of quiet
When I cut myself
I feel at peace
As if no one can hurt me
Because I'm already hurting myself
Sitting on a chair
The color of yellow
Made if plastic and metal

Wearing tight ripped skinny jeans
With warm snug boots
That just so happenly to be planted upon a table

Widow by my left side
Giving view of a chilly day
Blue sky painted with gray clouds
And trees filled with branches and no leaves

Tick tock tick tock
Says the clock on my right side
Time is too slow
This class is too long
Just another ordinary boring day at school
497 · May 2014
Your name
I try writing your name
I try to write it on paper,
But now that paper is missing.

I was told to never give up
So then I wrote it in the sand,
But not just any sand
It was sand that stood by the waves of my heart
I thought it would stay there forever
Then suddenly it got washed away

I had tried twice and lost both times,
But the third time is a charm
I wrote your name in my heart,
But not by the ocean shore of my heart
I wrote it right in the middle and till this day it stays there with all your love
497 · Jul 2014
This madman's song
This madman's song
It vibrates through my veins
I feel pain

This madman's song
It bruises my pale skin
As we dance
Why do we dance

This madman's song
You love it so well
I close my eyes as we dance
But not softly
I close them tightly
As tears slither down the apples of my cheeks

This madman's song
It turns my pale skin to the color of black and blue

Why madman
Why do you hurt me

I am tired of dancing
My throat is soar from screaming
Are you happy now
You have won

Every bone in me is broken
Every inch of my pale skin is black and blue
Even my heart is shaded grey
It's filled with a mist where I've had no love

Finally

This madman's song is ending
My eyes are closed
But please no casket
I'd like to be ash
And poor me over the mountain tops
So then i can see the world
491 · Nov 2015
Dear Dream Guy
I am damaged and unhappy
But I care about you a lot
And truth be told you get distant when I'm unhappy
I can't promise I'll be fixed
But I promise I'll never show my faults
I'll never cry or grieve over my wounded soul
I'll pretend to be happy
I'll pretend to be whole so I can keep you in my life
Even though I hurt ten times worse when I pretend
I'll still do it because the warmth of you being mine means a lot more to me than expressing my true emotions
482 · Jun 2015
My Undescribable Emotions
As I am writing this poem
I sit alone...
In a messy room upon a messy bed
I'm trying to write the emotions of my crumbled heart
And answer the questions I shouldn't have to ask myself

Whats wrong with me?
Why am I unloved?
Why do I push people away?
Why am I not enough?
Why am I the one who hurts?

I feel as if I'm the forgotten puzzle peice
The peice no one knows is missing
And that there can't even describe what I am feeling
My heart yearns to be noticed
But instead it's left to be bitter and cold

I feel the need to claw at my skin
Shovel tears out of my eyes
Maybe then I won't cry anymore
From all the loneliness
That seems to envelope my soul

Is it too much to ask to be loved?
If it is then I'll continue to sit here alone
In a messy room upon a messy bed
Trying to write the emotions of my crumbled heart
And answer the questions I shouldn't have to ask myself
481 · Nov 2015
Dying Being
I'm enslaved within a dying fire
I can't feel the flames
But I can the hollowness under my skin
To admit I'm dying with it would be too hard
I can't cope with the fact it's breaking an already broken heart
So I'll go into a deep slumber and dream of a beating heart to save me
Live life the way you want to
For there are monsters who will convince you otherwise
Remember you are fragile
And if you wait too long they'll break you
454 · Sep 2014
Someone's words
A long time ago
When rain was music
And the sun was magical
People fell in love with someone's words

In this time
The rain is just rain
And the sun is just the sun
People fall in love with someone's looks
448 · Nov 2014
A Secret I'll Never Tell
That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Alcohol in hand
Quickly falling down our throats
Blunt in hand
Press softly against lips
Mist of only short happiness

That night
So long go
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Per-pressure falling against me
I shake my head
Say no
Voices surround me
Say yes

That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
Foot against gas petal
Hand on steering wheel
Giggling and laughing
then....
Darkness

That night
So long ago
I was so young
They were so old

Moon out
Stars out
The car is crashed
I'm being shoved out of the car
Fingers pointing
Telling me to run
My hands shake
I shed tears
Everyone in the car is alright

but what about outside the car?

Everything's black
Then it's morning
I'm still a 12 year old girl
Who looks ALOT older
Trying to be cool
Hangout with the college kids
**** it!
We all know I'm a ***** up.

JD I love you.
***** to say you were the strong one.
The one taking the blame for someone else's doing.
We all know I'm a **** up.
Don't lie and cover it up.
I'm 17 now.
It's about time I take responsibility for my actions.
*but not this one... Not yet... Maybe not ever
446 · Jun 2015
Untitled
It hurts having someone tell you your not good enough

But you know what hurts even more...

Knowing you will never be good enough
427 · Jul 2015
Weakening Daisy
In the middle of a meadow I stand alone
*I'm a small daisy in a field of roses
I'm not strong
For I once was but now in the process of weakening
I know I won't make it
As there is a hooded claw within the roses
Who is in search of a dying daisy
But I will continue to have hope
As well as I'll continue to weaken
All though I am one who will go with saying I did try
And that my friend is something to be proud of
423 · Jul 2014
Do you remember
Do you remember
Those warm sunny days
When the sky was never grey
And our hearts were only love

Do you remember
Those chilly dark days
When the sky was painted black
And our moments shattered it with stars

Thinking back
On those days
I finally remember a day
I was actually
**happy
423 · Jun 2015
Buttons
I am jealous of buttons
It angers me how they are always perfectly placed in one spot
Like they know where their meant to be
They don't have to spend time frightened of where they'll end up
Because they are just put in a special spot
A spot that's just for them
When here I am wondering where I'll end up
Not knowing if I'll be loved or hated
Not knowing if I'll be where I'm supposed to be
Not knowing if I'll be happy there
This fist of a man
Who painted pictures
Of black and blue
On a woman
Is a *anker that crushes the heart
404 · Jul 2014
I want a baby
I want a baby.
I want to carry
Life
In me
I want it planted
From the
Man
That I
Love
I want it kick
It's little
Feet
Against me
I want to hold
It when covered
In blood
When being born
I want to hear
It's first
Laugh
I want to hold
It when it
Cries
Read to it
At night
Watch it take
It's first steps
But most
Importantly
I want to
Give it the
Life
That I never had
396 · Feb 2015
Wanting to Forget
It was arrogant to think that dating you would help me forget my lost lover

It was arrogant to think that your mellow dramatic and over reacting temper would help me forget my lost lovers tender heart and warm welcoming arms

I'm so ignorant for thinking that someone as disrespectful, viscous, and vial as you could fix my wounded heart

I just want to forget the way you mistreated me so I can move forward, but mainly I just want to forget my lost lover

I want to forget the way his fingers ran through my tangled hair
The way his tender lips felt against mine
The way his arms enveloped me with forever tender and care
The way his eyes demanded the truth
And our love
I oh so desperately want to forget our love
*Is that really too much to ask for?*
393 · Jun 2016
Untitled
They say to finish what you started

Does the same go for the Suicidal?
386 · Dec 2014
It took one love
It took one love
To break my heart
Only by losing my trust

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to end up with him

It took one love
To break my heart
Only for me to get beat by another

I thought being with him would distract me
From my once upon broken heart
Instead it ended differently

He called me pretty
Said no strings attached
Got me drunk

Now my head aches
From being slammed against the wall
Atleast the finger prints on my back are gone

It took one love
To break my heart
To make me realize I don't need a man

I am happy
I gaze at the stars
I sing in the shower

It too one love
To break my heart
Only to let me find true happiness

I didn't love you
I thought I did
I thought I needed you

when only all I needed was a hand to hold when I'm in tears
and for a light to guide me in my darkest nights.

It took one love
To break my heart
Only to let me realize that I needed my mother
I thought I wanted a forever with a man. Only because I wanted comfort when in fear or in tears. I wanted a hand to hold. But the truth is I'm not ready for forever. I'm not ready to be loved my a man. All I'm ready for is having a mother to comfort me. I didn't know I had her but now I do. And she's the only person who understand me and I am so greatful.
383 · Apr 2016
Who Will Remember Me
The world is a majestic place
Filled with love and beauty
So many secrets hidden within the memories
The series of moments shared upon the earth are forgotten so quickly
Buried beneath the dirt are the dead lost in someones memory
It's sad to know that one day you'll be forgotten
But I can't help but ask... what about me?
I am dying
And the question is not why am I dying
No one will care
I'll just be another dead girl
Just another body rotting six feet under
And the question is not why I chose death
No one will understand
I'm just another sad girl
Just another girl tied down by depression and anxiety
The question is who will remember me
Will my mother remember my warm hugs
Will my father remember all the I hate yous
Will my friends remember all the laughs
Will the earth remember my tiny hands the dug within the dirt
Or will they all go on and move forward to a future I did not choose to be apart of
373 · Mar 2015
How could you of loved me?
I am like the wind
You can feel me
But you can't see me

How could you of loved me?

I am not but a pettel that falls from a rose
I was once beautiful
But in time I fell apart from the others

How could you of loved me?

I am like a hooded claw at your door
I knock ever so gently at first
Then harder and louder until you fall

How could you of loved me?

I am like a fire
Small at first and then I spread
Only to drag you down with me
373 · Apr 2016
I call it depression
The days are dark and cold
So I light fires on my skin to keep warm
Yeah it hurts and leaves scars
But I can't find the light
There's a hooded claw that guards my door
Sometimes it tries to hurt me
But mostly it keeps me a prisoner
I don't fight it
Because it's a ruthless and vicious creature
It can't be stopped
It can't be tamed
It can't be killed
I call the hooded claw... *depression
372 · Feb 2015
When I'm mad at you
Remember that night
When I angered you
You were so mad
I was so upset
I've never met anyone so stubborn
I told you I was sorry
I told you I didn't mean it
I told you I loved you
You said goodbye

It's 5am
I can't sleep
You text me
and simply say you love me
I ask why
Thinking your still mad at me
And you said
*i want you to know that I love you even when I'm mad at you
371 · Sep 2014
please lover
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
I am not an almost lover of yours
I am your lover
My heart beats only for you
You've given me a ring
That sits on my left hand
Placed in the only figure with a vane leading to my heart
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me you felt like giving up?
I am yours
And you are mine
I never ask you for anything
But I would like it if you told how you feel
Please lover
Is that too much to ask?
Dont be mute
1:27am
September 1st
I just read something I did not want to read
You feel useless
You feel like nothing
Please lover
Why didn't you tell me?
Lover sadness givingup silence mute
370 · May 2014
Nothing.
She is cold, pale, wet and tired.
She is the same on the inside as she is the outside,
and she will forever stay that way.

Maybe she could be something more.
Except something stands in her way.
You and everyone else that surrounds her.

She is popular.
She has friends.
She makes mistakes.
She is not forgiven.

Maybe if she didn't make mistakes then they would see.
They would see how true and pure she really is.
That is only a dream of hers.
A dream that shall not come true.

She then stares at a sink of blood and crushed veneers.
What has she become?  
She used to be filled with love.
It must of been skinny love.
Love that was fragile, love that did not last.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror and sees nothing.
Then she soon realizes that it’s always been nothing.
She’s been stuck between four walls with no doors, and no windows.
In those walls there is nothing and she is nothing.
This is my first poem. I apologize if it's not good. I have just got the interest in writing poems and I have a lot to learn.
I want to know what it's like to love someone
Of course I've been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with there's
But I never truly loved someone

I've never seen fireworks when I kiss
I've never had my heart race into an impossible speed
I've never actually wanted to hold hands
I've never been okay with looking back into someone's loving eyes

I've never loved someone

I've never been captured by someone's heart
Enveloping my heart with theirs
and sealing the envelop shut
I've never loved someone
But I'd like too
367 · Oct 2014
The Unsaved
Intending to go to church
Intended on going for a while
Life's too busy
Busy reading, doing school work
Keeping an high education
Sleepless nights
Moody days
Poisonous blood rushing through my veins
Grass to my lips
Misty smoke lumped in my throat
Fulfilling taste of alcohol
Consumed by darkness
No loved felt heart
No God in my life
At least I'm making straight A's
Doing good in school
Allows people to think everything's okay
*Someone save me
365 · Oct 2014
Use Somebody
I could use someday
Too hold me
at night
When the hooded claw
Is at my door

I could use somebody
Too kiss me
When I am at my worst
So then my wounds
Will fade

I could use somebody
Too love me
When I am not
So then I will never
Feel alone

I could use somebody
Too meet me with an apology
When I am fighting with you
So then I can go back to
The start

I could use somebody
Too listen to my heart
When I am crying
So then my heart can wash away
Those tears

I could use somebody
Too comfort me
When I am in the dark
So then I will not fear
What is unseen

I could use somebody
Too save me
When I am not well
So then I can not
Hurt myself
364 · Jun 2014
can't purify me
In history
When a city was destroyed
They would pour salt on the earth
To purify it

I am destroyed
Have been for along time
It's a shame
A shame that salt can't

Can't purify me..
358 · Feb 2015
Living in Fear
Living in fear
You are not here
Arms bleeding
Take my life
I don't care

Living in fear
You are not here
Knees to ground
I hate everything
It feels so cold

Living in fear
You are not here
Not going to bother
I'm screaming
Not one can hear

Living in fear
You are not hear
Wished I would die
Becoming a zombie
Broken dream are forgotten

Living in fear
You are not hear
Not moving on
I don't need to be hear
Life is regretful
353 · Mar 2016
Their Minds Would Change
If they knew what she did behind closed doors
When the lights were off
And there were no sounds

If they knew what she did with the blades
When she is sad
And feels so alone

If they knew what she did with the fire
When she was in pain
And she wanted to hurt more

*Their minds would change
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