Gaze into my eyes
Pull me close
Touch me
Inhale
Kiss me
Inhale
Bite me
Inhale
Hearts pounding
Sweat dripping
Knees trembling
******

technically: i am just skin & bones
muscle, fat, sinews, hair
blood, brains & teeth

physically: i am soft, curved
easily broken, easily overtaken

mentally: i am mostly sharp edges
knives & rusty nails

i wish i was made of broken glass
or razor wire

Familiar places
Unknown faces
Except the one you're next to
The one you love
But you can't have
You couldn't do that
Not to yourself
You want him
So
     So
          Bad
You think about him
You talk to him whenever you can
And you love it when he tells you
I love you
In his mind, it is merely
Platonic
You're walking around
Together
Arms around each other
He brings his head down to you
(He's a whole head taller than you)
Whispers in your ear
And his breath is enough
Chills down your spine
You love it
'You know I love you'
'You're first in my heart'
And you know the significance
Of why you're first
Your best friend is second
Previously first
And that's where it ends
You wake up
And
         everything
d is  a p  p  e a   r   s

12/15/2015

"You, doctor, go from breakfast
to madness."
Anne Sexton

The engine of my amygdala:
                   so burnt out
I needed coolant, I needed something to prevent my
   immolation
a sort of precautionary measure

***'s flammable
  I'd soon find out
In a crowd of hundred dark and
smoke crawled through my shoulders
    social little parasite
apologize for being an interruption to everyone

   "Wish I could've been there"
Sucrose altruism,
back at the mental hospital id relived
every single second with you

thinking of your anger I read Tennessee William's letters
I loved you

I even loved your hatred.
A girl across the hall screaming
about Jesus and her ****
shouting singing Shenandoah

"But I don't need to be here,"
   I turned to my roommate,
a strong figure I still admire,
"Everyone says that, even with a Thorazine needle halfway down their ***."

They'd had a name for it
Something about kisses, I don't remember

"Yeah, it leaves a huge bruise on
your ***," they laughed in the
tv parlor

there we were
The tristate area's teenage
girls too unstable for the world

a step above "oh, you know how
teenagers are"
A girl with grey eyes

Came in my last night there
"Is it normal to cry on your
first day?"

I wasn't allowed to
even touch her shoulder
and so

with the alcohol and the
Lamotrogine I tried to figure
out where it'd all gone wrong

but it'd been hiding in me
psychotic seed,
a virus carrier a patient zero of my own

tepid insanity!

Everytime I see that look,
You crawl around in my skin.
Every shiver,
Every prickled hair raised.
The thought of you is tumultuous,
Every memory saved, scrapes by.
I can't burn you out cleanly,
Your markings left over on my wall.
I get angry at you,
Wanting to burn every part of me till you're gone.
But hate never rests here in me,
I beg to know your hugs and touch all over again.
It's a fascinating,
Yet disheartening truth of me.
Of what I felt and still feel all this time,
I've let you burn in through me.
Every.....single....time.