you don't know
how this one-sided love feels
knowing that we'll only ever be
best friends
and that you're unintentionally
hurting me
murdering me
and eradicating me from within
and those candid words
from your mind
and onto my screen
and into my heart
they hurt
and those compliments
were they merely said
to be amicable?
to keep me
entranced by you?
to make me love you
even more than i already do?

i don't understand you
and why you tell me
that i'm your world
and then you ignore me
and suddenly need me
and i especially
abhor the fact
that what we had
isn't the same as before
and will never ever
be the same again
and i miss you
i miss our non-stop conversations
i miss the time we spent together
i miss your presence
and your voice
and your messages  
and the face you make
when you're trying so hard
not to laugh
it's adorable
but most importantly
i miss us

but i hate you
so much
for making me believe
that you loved me as well
but now it's clear
because now
all our conversations
are about someone
and sadly
that someone isn't me

but in the end
i'm happy
and euphoric
because you are

it still hurts
but i'm so,
so very happy

This is my story.
Do not assume that you
Are the hero, even though

I dedicated a lot of

Lengthy chapters to you.

You are just a
Leaf passing through,
Leaving a slight impression

On a few pages and

A pop of colour among

Some black and white words.

You are a spot of blue ink

Left in the corner, as I wrote

Quickly and passionately

On white blank pages.

You are the muse I loved

Enough to write into my story
And spend time nurturing,
Creating something beautiful
However long it may have lasted.

But do not forget,
Even for a second that

This is my story.

However incomplete or

nonsensical it may seem.
However narcissistic I may sound.
How many ever hours

I spent crafting it.

Rough

Draft

Over

Rough

Draft.
**
This is my story.

I am so tried of fighting a love which cannot be beating.each time i try to stay away you come and find me.these feelings are wrong but they feel so right to me.

Remember that night you threw me up againist the wall and we kissed.our tongues danced in a blissful pleasure.a wild exiciement stood around the bed i got lost in your beautiful green eyes.

Touching your chest stomach and hips felt so good i wanted more.our bodise entwine and ecstay found in the darkness of night.

As i scream your name loudly i say tell my self we won't do this again.but the smile upon face says this will happen again very soon

I tried,
So hard
To make it work.

I tried so hard because  I hoped,
I hoped that you still loved me.
But you didn't
No matter what I did,
No matter how much I changed my self,
You couldn't love me any more.
It broke my heart when you left me,
And you know you did it
Though,
You never tried to fix it,
Just left me there like a broken doll
No one wanted to love.

************
He tried way to hard,
Couldn't he see,
I didn't love him anymore?
It was almost ridicules,
How much he tried to change.
It almost made me feel bad
when I broke it off,
Almost.

Now when I see you,
I think of how you look,
And act,
And sound.
You sound broken,
Like I was all you had to live for,
And you will never be happy with out me.

Well I have news for you,
There are plenty of fish in the sea,
Go catch one

Hand holding,
Cigarette smoking,
Spiced gin drinking,
And bare flesh touching...
Y o u  h a d  m e.
(Only for 24 hours,
But that’s more than most get)

24 hour boyfriend,
The perfect relationship.
One complete day of undivided lust and adoration.
It almost felt like I loved you.
Sharing souls and secrets and your king sized bed,
I  h a d  y o u.
That loving gaze, the sweet whispers;
It made me sick

In an early morning, half-drunk haze,
Your skin wouldn’t let go of mine,
Your smile asked me to stay,
And your sleepy eyes told me you wanted more…
You whispered you loved me,
I clenched my eyelids shut and pretended to sleep.
I could never love you.

I’m sorry,
But your 24 hours is up.

Take my heart
Veins cut
From unloyalty
Unfaithfulness
And injustice
Shattered by
This cruel world
But still beats
Your name
Hoping yours
Does the same
Wishing it could
Be yours
Forever.

I want you to be
as ****** up as me

I want a boyfriend who makes me laugh and smile.
A boyfriend who gives me butterflies.
I want a boyfriend who will hold my hand when we walk places.
A boyfriend who will call me beautiful and kiss me when I least expect it.
I want a boyfriend who shows me that he cares.
A boyfriend who makes me feel important to him.
I want a boyfriend who will stay home with me on a Friday night and watch movies with me.
A boyfriend who will cuddle me and get fat with me.
I want a boyfriend who loves me.
A boyfriend who will stay for a while.