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J Sep 2020
In and out of
Naps and daydreams
Imagining beauty
Imagining pain
I break my own heart
Every day
J Sep 2020
I love you like my favorite poets love alcohol.
Drunk and mad in the streets,
I love you.
I’m wasted.
I am one of my favorite poets.
J Sep 2020
I love you
I hate you
I’m sorry
I’m broken

I love you
I hate me
I’m sorry
I’m leaving

Don’t leave
Just stay
Don’t tell me what to do

I hate you
I love you
I’m broken
I’m sorry
J Aug 2012
Your body is always warm
Your hands are always rough
The words that left your mouth melted into one long, faint whisper
Unmatched to the power of your dull blue eyes

I hate when you don't look at me
I want to feel your thoughts,
Not hear them...
S h o w  m e  y o u  m e a n  i t

After that moment, your eyes were permanently glued to mine
Nobody has ever looked at me like that
Constant peering at the remnants of my soul,
and my heart,
and whatever else is inside there that
H u r t s  s o  b a d

I don't want you to see me like this...
Sad, angry, sad again
I'm doing you a favor, I swear
Just stop looking at me like that

I want to give you every piece of me that is left
But the fear of you not liking what you get
Rattles my bones so loud when I'm with you
And even louder when you're gone

It hurts, baby
I t  j u s t  ******* i n g  h u r t s

Is this what love feels like?
J Jun 2012
Hand holding,
Cigarette smoking,
Spiced gin drinking,
And bare flesh touching...
Y o u  h a d  m e.
(Only for 24 hours,
But that’s more than most get)

24 hour boyfriend,
The perfect relationship.
One complete day of undivided lust and adoration.
It almost felt like I loved you.
Sharing souls and secrets and your king sized bed,
I  h a d  y o u.
That loving gaze, the sweet whispers;
It made me sick

In an early morning, half-drunk haze,
Your skin wouldn’t let go of mine,
Your smile asked me to stay,
And your sleepy eyes told me you wanted more…
You whispered you loved me,
I clenched my eyelids shut and pretended to sleep.
I could never love you.

I’m sorry,
But your 24 hours is up.
A quick snippet of recent events in my love life... this isn't finished yet
J Feb 2012
I murdered you in my sleep...
E v e r y   d a m n   n i g h t

My endless resentment
Built up in the back of my neck
Released bit by bit
Through every slam
From finger hitting keyboard
Loud, violent
Like waves crashing onto shore
I murdered you every night

And every letter you spoke
On constant replay in my head
Every single time you came to mind
Cutting through me in ways
I didn't know possible
Seeping into my bloodstream like poison
I felt your words the world over
You should have killed me, friend
It wouldn't have hurt as badly

I hated you relentlessly
I murdered you in my sleep
Please don't tell me you're sorry
I can't just forget the things you said
... i can't do it

Please, please don't tell me you're sorry
You know better than I
That after a little smile
And some kind words,
I'm waving white flags
Left hating no one
Except for myself

B e c a u s e


F o r g i v e

T o o

E a s y
J Feb 2012
We're faking.
Happiness lasts but a second.
That fragile fleeting moment before the click of a shutter.
It fades away after your eyes stop stinging.

Sometimes, the sky is so blue that it hurts.
I can't ever reach it with these hands.

I wonder if we were ever really happy.
I try to capture your smile.
But this camera is old, slow.

We're breaking.
Photo frames slips off walls, non-existent.
I hide inside corners of doors, my hands shielding my ears.
Angry voices shake the foundations of this house.
These photographs were only a mere second of our whole lifetime.
But they aren't exactly telling lies.
We were happy once.
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