The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush
The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his arm
*The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less
The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"
The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries
The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it
The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Blasting music
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone
One quick swipe
It's all over

The worse loss in the world
Is the loss of those you care about
No I'm not speaking of death but of
The loss of trust, love, and the image you've had of this person
It burns you
It destroys you
And all you can do is stare at the pieces
Stare and cry

I cry
I cry for the loss of love, trust, and respect
And the pile of broken shards that was my self-esteem
For all the times you make me feel like you love them more
Love her more
Maybe you do

But I cry because no one has ever
Made me feel like they love me more
More than any of my siblings
More than that other girl
Loved me to the point that I could be their favorite
Be the one that is cherish

But I am not cherished
I am not loved
I am not wanted above the rest
My life is like an endless test
So I have had a loss

*A loss of the feelings that
Have lived in my soul

To trust is to give yourself wholly to someone
You have no secrets
You have no wall in which you hide behind and cry
You have nothing to protect yourself from the times when your guards down

Your defenseless if they want to hurt you
You are weak if you trust some say
You let yourself open to someone
Which sometimes makes it hard to be brave

Why would you let this person into yourself?
Welcome them with open arms
Why let them have ammunition to hurt you with?
It's like you have given them a loaded gun
Why would you let them have that much power over you?

That is stupid
So stupid but humans are stupid
They let themselves trust
Let their love for another bring them to their knees

I was stupid enough to trust
That person let me down
Now I know that trust is stupid
I'm stupid for loving again

For letting my hopes get up
Because they always crash and burn
And it takes years for me to pick up all the tiny pieces of my heart
I know now I can't trust
I just can't anymore

Everyone in the world find it impossible to not hurt each other
To take the trust & break it
To exploit the trust that was bestowed to them
To hurt

Because that's
What people do
That's why I can't trust
Not anymore

I was talking to my little sister yesterday
She looked at me
  And this is what she had to say
Do you think I'm pretty
Like those people on T.V.
Those fashion models
Business Mongrels
That walk the L.A. streets

The girls at school say I'm not
They say that I'll never be
They laugh, tease & taunt me
They make me feel small
They make me feel ugly, not wanted
And worst of all

They make me feel less like the girl you tell me I am
You tell me I''m pretty
Amazing in every way
But those girls the ones I see every day
They hurt me in a way that doesn't
Make me want to walk tall

Because I've heard it a lot
So much that I am beginning to feel
That I have no appeal to anyone
So I'll ask you again

Not as you being my sister
But my closest friend
Do you think I'm pretty?

I looked at her
I could see the pain of what those girls had done
I could see that my work was not yet done
So I smiled even though
I had tears in my eyes

I smiled to her
And to her I replied
You are beautiful in every single way
From now on I'll tell you every single day
I know it's hard but listen to me
Even though you may not want to
Don't listen to what those mean girls say
They know that you are pretty

They really do
They know you are pretty
And now you know it too
With those last words I saw a new light in her eyes
She smiled and straightened her back with pride

Say it I told her knowing she needed to
Just like she needed me to say it too
I'm pretty she stated
I'm pretty she beamed
I knew I had helped her self-esteem
I was proud and now my work was through

How hard is it to give someone a little kindness
To tell them they are pretty when they ask
If they are
To help to raise themselves
From the pit in which they fell

How easy would it be to have a little kindness
To be the light
In someones darkness
To be the healer, & friend that would help
To save them from themselves

How unbelievable is it to see someone needs your kindness
Someone who's arms hang low from shame
Who's head is filled with pains unknown
Who's arms are scarred & self hatred grown

What do you think that little bit of kindness
That you could have given to someone today
Could  have brought them to continue on
When they planned to end their life
Because now they know that there are good people out there

Where is the kindness
That we should all have in our hearts
Show to our neighbors
Have from the start

Do you know where that kindness is
Where it's hidden
Where it's gone
Because if not then we've all lost the most important
Reason to live at all

So show that kindness
Let it shine through
Show kindness
So it can become a part of you