Does it make me evil
To love him
More than myself?

I got so high last night
That I actually thought
You were a good idea.

I know goodbye
Isn't forever
But time without you
Feels like eternity

The sunset looks so much more
Brutal
Without you

I never thought
you ever fought for me
Until now
as I see you still on the field
Fighting a war
that someone else already won

I cut my tongue
to bleed out the words
you've been dying to hear
but even in these final moments
of curt existence
you're still not satisfied

She has bad idea
Written all over her smile

I cant wait
To kiss it off

Of course I love you
But love is not as consuming
As pleasure.
I need that pleasure
To continue to love.
And if I cant get it from you
I'll just have to take it form him.
Nothing will please me more
Than him rolling in my innocence
And tearing my flesh apart.
All while knowing
You're none the wiser

I'm willing to risk it all
For a man
Not willing to risk anything
For me

Loosing weight
but not the right way
Hey,
sometimes that's how it needs to be done
Of course its not fun
and I'm coming undone
under the stress of starvation
and working the day shift
I cant stop because I need money
from paycheck to paycheck
I pay my bills and
you know it kills
when I'm forced to watch
the crisp green fall into the pockets
of those who are just gonna stock it
I'm trying not to waste
but so much of me is gone
my pants have long since abandoned my waist

And I'm just starting to think
****
maybe within just this black ink
Is all I dwindle down to

So in this one last plea
hear my decree
don't let me die like this
Just remember me

Before my heart claims you
And my head regrets it in the morning

This is a game.
I wouldn't lie to you,
it really is.
But don't think
for one ******* second
that I didn't come here to win.

The number one cause of being let down


Is hoping in the first place

This time,
it just feels better.
A friendship built
from trying to gather notes,
instead of shirt buttons.
And sliding into chairs
next to other another
instead of sliding hands
down jeans.
This time feels better,
because this time is healthy.
And real.

I don't know how to say it to you.
...So,
I guess I just shouldn't,
right?

Look Honey,
I bet you're funny

You're oh so sweet
I felt your friction and the heat

But this has got to end
I'm not looking for just another friend

Have you ever
cried so hard
your teeth rattled
and your body shook
So much so,
that you were convinced
without a doubt
that your entire being
would crack and crumble too?

I just can't do it
I can't stand
to hear your voice
and not feel your breath

Don't call him
He's not waiting for it anyway

I'll need replacements
within the next few years.
Not organs
or other tissues
people can donate.
No, I'll need
entirely new pieces
in seven to ten years.
I'll only be thirty or so-
and more or less
half bionic.
The news is cold,
some would say cold as steel.
Those people joke
in good humor
trying to dull my fears.
My worst ones.
Those mainly being-

Will my everything still find me attractive
-even after surgery?

Will my kids even think I'll be human?
-my legs wont be made of biological material

When half of me is prosthetic
-will I even love myself?

Watching my clothes
Drip from my skin
and slide down my bones
I realize the starvation
has worked too well
So now,
just how long
do I have left
before my face doesn't fit either?

You spill too much information
to lie to me now
and think you can get away with it

I am in a place
That you can't comprehend
Because if you had ever been here
You would have never made it out

Soon you'll learn
That time is no different than space

Rest now baby girl
You'll need your strength
for when he tries again tomorrow

Dont let the right time
Lead you into the arms
Of the wrong person

I can tell how he's doing
Just by how he answers the phone

We dated for four years
And I'm still not even sure
I know their birthday

You won't see me again under this moon
You won't even be
Seeing your own bed tonight,
will you?

Oh Love,
As I watch you fall
all I want is to offer my hand
and raise you in your glory once again.
It pains me that I cannot.
You know as well as I
that the flesh of an angel,
cannot withstand the sting
of a demon's touch.

In a few hours
The sun will come up
He will be gone
And will any of it
Even matter?

I'm still paranoid
And I'm sorry
I tried so hard
To smoke you away
That I almost did

I would never again
touch another drop
If it meant you'd be forever
but until then
allow me to drink myself
into complacency

Silly boy
Broke my heart

Hes a toy
Been from the start

But we got this way
And its all jumbled

Seems my hearts to pay
For this fumble

There is no sense,
or evidence,
that we should at all
call the world peaceful.

Those teaching us to survive
Are always the ones
Trying to take life from us

Mother,

I feel I should apologize
After hearing horror stories
of womb to street stories
I realize
You're not the monster of the world
You are just the monster
of my world
No less deadly,
just only to me.
You're harmless as a fly to the rest.
You've never run home
with needles full of ******,
sorry Kay.
But many times
you have sashayed home
with sharpened words
ready to rip apart my flesh.
You didn't abandon me in the dark
and make me scavenge for food
before men in suits took me away
...I'm really sorry Kay.
But often you ignored my pleas for help,
as I begged you to save me from myself.

But now we're here,
and I'm still the victim
       your victim.
Yet, I want to apologize to you, and I'm sorry
for believing you were a monster
when you never deserved that title either.
You're just a bully.
And I'm sorry I let you get to me.

Regards,
Given Name

I would do so many bad things
For that one good girl

I said it would take months
looks like it only took moments

For a woman from Hell

Darling, please,
Lay your head down
Even on my shoulder

Curl up nice and warm
Grab the blankets
And my arm

I'll fight the demons away
If only for tonight
You don't need to be strong

Your fight is over
The war has ended
Its time for me to save you

Close your eyes
I'll hold your head
It's time for you to rest

Some birds leave for the winter
It gets cold and they fly away
It's how they survive

But some of them
Fall in love
Before they go

They survive seasons and storms through
Just waiting until they can return
To their summer home and comforts

But as they fly back
On tired wings
Do you think they remember their love?

Because after this long winter between us
I don't recognize you

I see you crying
Counting every tear as it rolls down
and pools in the dirt

You say all these words
None of them string into a sentence
That I haven't already heard

Trembling-
your voice isn't the only thing shaking
But I'll say it anyway

It's true, crocodiles produce tears.
They can actually cry.

You looked at me confused.
Would you have given me
the same look
if you knew what I would say next?

But the tears aren't formed from remorse
or sadness
They're formed simply to clean out their eyes.
So as I watch you, I'm questioning,
How many crocodile tears your shedding now
-here, for me?

---

But you can save me

I know I'm late
For 11:11
But I wish
You'd come back home

It's sad that you dont see
A life with me

After all I'd ever give to you
But I will never do

Liquor doesnt always taste like honey
And without a job I have no money
All I do is drink when the sky ain't sunny
My life is ****- but to some that's funny

So let's let out a cheer
When we stare in the face of fear
And let's get it clear
That the end or maybe love is near

Life is crazy but maybe
Just maybe

If hes with me
He has the key

To unlock my heart
And this release will give me a fresh start

Because the way he feels is like addiction
But all this life gives me is fiction
When he speaks he has such good diction
And I dont even feel the friction

I love when my lovers calling lips
Still sting of the water

We're all self-destructive at heart
This practice is an art
That we've perfected
While emotions are left neglected

Come now, come now
I guess I could see how
Such a past
Would stick and last
But it's not healthy to dwell
Inside this hell
You trap yourself in

Maybe you're right but people are people
And no amount of praying under a steeple
Will save a soul
Or help wanderers know
How to thrive
Or keep tender moments alive
We'll destroy what we can't control
Just to fill a hole

I should probably stop drinking
And probably soon

I should probably stop myself
From drowning in a bottle by moonlight

If I were wise
I probably would