Does your heart still feel like it did in August, a time when every word trembled with the weight of goodbye? When your tears fell like a relentless storm, and every poem you wrote ached with the words you couldn’t speak aloud. Do those words still linger in your heart, etched deeply, or have they begun to fade? Do you still hold me close in your thoughts, or has your grip loosened, like sand slipping through your fingers? Do you still ache for me in my absence, the way you once did when the thought of being apart was unbearable? I’ve read every poem you poured your heart into, each one pulsing with a love so fierce it refused to let go, even when the cracks in our love threatened to break us. Even goodbyes felt incomplete, as if our bond couldn’t truly be severed. But now, I’m left wondering, has time softened your love? Does the thought of me still burn as brightly in your chest, or have the flames dimmed, the fire fading to embers? Has your love for me grown or faltered? I find myself asking: Does your heart still feel like it did in August? Do you still love me with that same depth and intensity?

Merry Christmas, or at least, that’s what I’m supposed to say. But it doesn’t feel merry anymore, does it? Maybe it’s something that comes with age, or maybe it’s karma finally catching up to me, but I don’t want to be here right now. I plaster on a smile, do my best to get through the day, but inside, I’m lost. I disassociate just to keep the tears at bay. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to shout to the world that this isn’t fair. I don’t visit my family much anymore, it shouldn’t feel like such a burden. But it does, like being dragged to a never-ending doctor’s appointment as a kid. Every visit feels like a ticking time bomb, emotions spiraling out of control. The air grows heavy, words sharper than knives, cutting deep and leaving wounds that never fully heal. Even in the quieter moments, the tension lingers, never fully gone. I miss being a child, back when life was simple, back when the weight of expectations didn’t feel so crushing. Back when love didn’t feel so conditional, so complicated. I’ve always dreamed of having a family of my own, but now I wonder if I ever could. What if it just turns into this? A cycle of toxicity, repeating endlessly. I want to love and be loved, but this, this isn’t love anymore. Happy holidays, or maybe, not so happy after all.

Who am I? I feel adrift, lost in an endless sea of nothingness. This doesn’t feel like my family anymore. They no longer need me, life has carried them forward, leaving me behind. I feel stranded, unmoored, just a distant fragment of their past. The relentless tide of time has swept them away, while I remain frozen, anchored in place. This house, once alive with laughter and warmth, now echoes with memories of a life I barely recognize. Each of them has moved on, their chapters turning, their stories evolving. I don’t blame them for leaving me behind, but the emptiness weighs heavy. It’s been so long since this truly felt like a family. Now, all that’s left are shadows, slipping just beyond my grasp. Am I a relic? A fading remnant of what used to be? I reach for them, but the distance between us is insurmountable, a chasm carved by time, widening too quickly for me to cross. While their lives tick forward, mine stands still, stagnant and silent. I ache for purpose, for a place to belong. A void stretches within me, yearning to be filled. Perhaps one day I’ll find the shore I’ve been seeking, a place to rebuild, to heal, to feel whole again. For now, I watch as they drift further away, my soul burning in place like a solitary beacon. Through this endless night, I remain, lost yet hopeful, waiting to one day be found.

To truly love someone is so much more than uttering three simple words. It’s playing their favorite games, even when you’re unsure about them, just to savor the joy of being together. It’s gathering what they need before they even ask, sparing them from worry. Love is holding each other close, standing firm through their darkest battles. To truly love someone is to see their flaws clearly, not ignoring their imperfections but embracing them anyway. It’s found in the smallest gestures, like memorizing their favorite order, and in the grandest, like pouring hours into creating something meaningful just for them. True love doesn’t only exist when rainbows fill the sky, it’s present in the storms, standing steadfast before the calm. It’s not just whispered in moments of ease but declared through actions when fears and struggles become real. It’s the coffee you brew early in the morning to make their day brighter. It’s the warmth of a reassuring smile when all hope feels lost. It’s in the quiet glance, the recognition of a defeated sigh, and the countless reasons to stay when every instinct urges you to leave. Love notices the cracks, the scars of battles fought, and chooses to heal together. It’s striving for new heights, fueled by the strength you find in each other. To love is to make silent sacrifices, to honor an unspoken vow. It’s the foundation of trust, the unbreakable bond that endures. True love is far more than words, it’s the actions that give those words meaning. Love isn’t just a fleeting sound; it’s the home where your heart finds peace, where two souls live in harmony. I truly love you.

Why do I feel this way? Am I crazy? Maybe I’m manipulative, just like she says. Maybe I’m so far gone that I can’t even recognize it anymore. I’d like to believe I’m not, but doesn’t everyone think that about themselves? What if I hate them so much because, deep down, I’m just like them? You point out things I do, and in my mind, I rationalize them, they make sense to me, but isn’t that exactly what a crazy person would do? I don’t want to feel this way. My thoughts are racing, tumbling over each other like a runaway train, unstoppable. What’s happening to me? Why can’t I make it stop? I shouldn’t unload this on anyone else. She doesn’t deserve it, not her, never her. She doesn’t, she doesn’t, she doesn’t. I swear I try to listen, I do listen, wait, what did she say again? Why am I dredging up things from the past? I tell myself it’s to prove my point, but is it? Or am I just pinning her down under the weight of it all? I wanted to make us better, to help us grow. But what if I’m not doing that? What if I’m the one dragging us both down? A faint noise catches my ear. It’s nothing, just the wind, but my mind spins, what if it’s not? What if he’s back? What if he’s here to finish what he started? It’s not fair. I tried. Didn’t I try? Maybe I should’ve tried harder, been better, when she needed me most. Now, I’m shaking, suffocating under the crushing weight of my own thoughts. Am I crazy? I feel crazy. I can’t stop this spiral. I can’t distract myself. I can’t even remember the last time my mind was still, when I could truly let go. I count the seconds, one by one, waiting for the inevitable. Why?

It’s a quiet night, and I lie alone in my bed. The silence wraps around me like a suffocating shroud, no soft whispers to break it, no gentle words to ease the stillness. Beside me, my phone rests motionless, its screen dark, your name absent, leaving the night untouched by your laughter. The other side of the bed feels empty and cold, unmarked by your presence, no warmth, no outline, no trace of you. The air feels dense, pressing down on my chest as though carrying the weight of your absence. Each passing second grows louder, the ticking of time a relentless reminder of the quiet taking over. Above, the stars blink lazily, their distant light shimmering as if in mockery. They shine, indifferent to the longing coursing through me, the ache left by the void where you should be. I close my eyes and try to summon your face, your smile beside mine, but the image drifts like a ghost, fading with every breath. The quiet deepens, filling me with a hollowness only you could chase away. The hours stretch, cruel and unyielding, each moment a thief robbing me of rest. Though I know the morning will eventually come, I wish, more than anything, that you were here beside me tonight.

I love everything about you. I love every part of your body, the way it feels, the way it moves. Your hair, no matter the color you choose, flows with such grace, framing your beauty perfectly. The gentle curve of your forehead, holding thoughts both new and familiar. Your eyebrows, delicate as the whispers of the moon, arching like a soft promise. Your grey-blue eyes, piercing yet serene, gazing into the night, reflecting the vastness of the ocean. Your ears, so delicate, like works of art, sculpted to perfection. Your nose, shaped to flawless symmetry, crinkling with every laugh. Your lips, soft and inviting, the perfect place for mine to rest. Your jaw, smooth as silk, calling out to be traced with my fingers or lips. Your neck, so tender, the perfect place for me to nuzzle and kiss, a spot to savor, perfect to wrap my hands around when you want. Strong, steady shoulders that carry the world without faltering. Your arms, capable of holding dreams yet gentle enough to embrace me with warmth. Your hands, a perfect fit in mine, fingers intertwining as we hold each other. Your delicate fingers, exploring, tracing every inch of my skin. Your *******, soft and captivating, a sensual beauty that draws me in, a perfect fit in my hands. The gentle curve of your stomach, each line and contour a story of our love, worthy of a thousand kisses. Your hips, a curve of strength and power, the ideal place to hold on to. The gentle bounce of your soft ***, moving with grace and energy, mesmerizing me with every step. The soft rise of your ***** mound, perfect for teasing you with the promise of what’s to come. Your sacred space, where our rhythms blend in harmony, creating something beautiful. Your legs, long and elegant, carrying you with a poise that invites me to walk beside you. The arch of your feet, where my hands would rest, soothing away any lingering pain. I love the sounds you make. I love the way you snort when you laugh, a pure, unfiltered joy that makes me smile. Your whispers in the quiet of the night, like silk brushing against me. The excitement in your voice when you can’t wait to share something you’ve remembered. Your moans, soft yet powerful, sending shivers down my spine. I love your strength, your resilience, your ability to push through challenges with a fierce spirit. And most of all, I love that you love me, because every part of you, in all its beauty, is a treasure that I’ll always cherish.