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Sleepz Jun 2014
When I think about my child hood,
I can only think of all the times I was yelled at,
the times I felt I wasn't good enough,
wasn't strong enough,
wasn't smart enough,
I wasn't ****,
I was just a kid.

Back when I was a kid,
I remember having dreams,
seeing demons in them,
killing everyone I ever loved.
Seeing my parents seeing my siblings,
thinking,
I watched you die last night.
What kind of movies did I see?
What sins did I commit to deserve that?
Did I not pray enough?

When I was a kid,
I used to play on the swings,
I used to play with other kids,
I used to be a happy kid.

When I was a kid,
I started being afraid to go to sleep,
because I felt like the monsters under my bed were gonna pull me by the legs.

When I was a kid I remember feeling hatred,
I remember I wanted to be able to **** up everyone I knew in a fight,
that's What made me feel strong,
having the confidence to never lose.

When I was a kid,
I could spell every word I ever heard,
even if it was new.
I remember I was the only one who had to work hard just to get a super citizen award ,
now they just come to me without doing anything at all?

When I was a kid this world made complete sense,
do What your parents tell you and you'll live a Long life.
I was bullied when I was 9,
I rebelled at age 12,
because I decided they don't know What's best for me.
I got in my first fight at 14 because I decided I wanted to be cool.
I got locked up when I was 15 because
I had bigger ***** then I could handle.
I won an award for scholarship & citizenship at age 16 because
I was the most successful.
At this age I was a big kid who still had nightmares.
At age 17 I began to become impatient,
I beat someone even after they were unconscious,
the nightmares still haunt me to this day.
At age 19 I won an award for swim instructor of the year.

And now?
Am I a good enough person for you?
Will you hire me to work for you?
How about you start by accepting my application to Harvard..
Or how about I make things easier for myself and just go to prison
and have a scar for ever person that I stab in the throat.
You talk about your dreams coming true,
only my nightmares have been Real to me.
And now not even the sky can be trusted.
You wanna know the truth?

I don't care much about how bad of a kid I was,
because I am the person I am today;
better than you.
Goodnight society.
And remember, I was just a kid.
I'll never forgive you society,
because I would spend every night looking at the stars thinking I'd never become one.

To come to think of it society,
I don't really want to be one anymore
Because in my nightmares I used to see stars die.
Same way you will.
Goodnight society,
have a good sleep.
I hope the monsters get to you society,
and I hope your nightmares become a reality to you as Well.
Cause I don't deserve it,
I'm just a kid.
Sleepz Jun 2014
Sometimes we sit here choking on pills
doing things that are against our will
some of those things give us chills
down the spine like a line of
******* making us insane straight brain less
i lost my head lost my way
lost my mind i can't stay here
i gotta go back follow my tracks
back to the big yellow brick road
where it's always cold in the dark
i need a spark i'm not smart
if i was i would be figuring
this out by now don't know how
i made it this far seeing stars
right above me the sky is free
no longer on my knees feeling hopelessness
i feel dopelessness nothing to smoke now
i guess that makes me feel happilessness
chugging water from a bottle while drowning
teeth way in the back called crowns
like the one on my frowning head
which is full of worms like kings
steaming drinking brainiac they all called me
freak taking a leak twice a week
speak my mind like i'm always lying
the truth is not real to me
trust issues have hit me like a truck
they say a sentence is seven words
but i cant put them together why
do i sigh when things become difficult
I've never been the type to give
up on things this much the rush
is no longer killing me it heals
all the souls that have been stolen
holding my breath till God rescues me
i quit drinking quit smoking quit fighting
i quit thinking and thinking and thinking
about things that don't matter this day
anxiety takes your breath away don't stay
blow it all away and don't worry
you need to know there's a God
who will save you every single time
from all things in which you dread.
Seven words make a small very sentence.
The shortest ones are the sweetest ones,
Tell the ones you care for everyday
that you love them and hug them
you think you can tell the future
you can, and the truth we all know
is you'll all be gone one day
the last thing you remember shouldn't be
all the regrets you' have ever had.
Sleepz May 2014
Is the mind usually a place that will darken your soul?
Or are poets simply looking through the wrong places?
Why is it that death trends more than life.
Why is it that depression trends more than happiness.
Is there really something wrong with sleeping at a bed full or roses
and a cup of tea?
Why do those roses always have to have thorns,
and why does that tea always have to be poison?
Sleepz May 2014
How does it feel,
knowing that you live in a world where cancer is dominating & destroying the people you care for,
How does it feel,
living in a world that will one day burn to the ground by fires.
How does it feel,
knowing that most of the people you see everyday have an STD
that you cant even see?
How does it feel,
knowing that one day  you will have to fight for food to provide for your family.
We live in a world where movie theaters are being assaulted
and many people are killed by those with psychotic illnesses.
We live in a world where it becomes common to see signs of people
missing everyday.
We live in a world where we hear news stories about a man who
is high off bath-salt eating the face off another man.
And these stupid people start believing that there is such thing as zombies.
How does it feel to be so aware of everything all the ******* time.
You don't know what it feels like,
you don't know that you are being devoured by everything around you.
They say it's all in your mind,
you must be seeing things then.
They say the way you think is not normal,
you must be special then.
I don't care about the world,
and you can't do anything change it.
How does it feel to be helpless?
You tell me.
Because i want to make this world worse than it already is,
I want to make these nightmares real,
so that you can see what i see.
Can you see it now?
You're the exact same as Me..
  May 2014 Sleepz
Miriam
how can something so beautiful
hurt so much?
Sleepz May 2014
What is love?

love does a lot for you,
it rescues you,,
it helps you.
love is a trap that will set you free,
people fear love,
they only fear losing it
they only fear not being able to give it.
love makes everyone happy,
it's so powerful it could make you someone you never imagined to be,
love attracts me,
the feeling of having you next to me,
the feeling of wanting to take care of you and kiss you every moment of everyday.
it can be your medication,
it can be your potion.
it can be your obsession
it can be your passion.
love will take you to places you wouldn't have gone on your own,
and it will take you there and you'd never want to leave,
and if you do end up leaving it will only take you to a place that is twice as perfect.
perfection is beauty,
it's somewhere we all want to be.
You come to a realization that you can find love with a person,
you can dwell in it as long as you want to stay there.
it's a connection that cannot be broken,
that connection could raise your kids,
that connection will spread your blood so that others could love.
my idea of love,
Maybe I don't have a clue,
Maybe it's something new,
each time you think about it,
you hate it,
but you could have it if you wanted to.
love isn't forced on you
like a person who is obsessed,
it won't chase you,
and it will always be there.
my idea of love,
is with you,
and this story,
will never end.
it will go on creating generations and generations,
love is What you keep,
not What you deny Or reject.
think about love,
and it will be like an expedition,
walking through the waves,
Sometimes there's an earthquake,
and a tsunami will hit you,
but it's Okay because you can hold your breath forever.
Once it's all over and you take that breath,
you will realize your life is everything you've ever wanted.
And your life will go on,
with someone you were meant to be with all along.
Congratulations,
Take a look around,
Love has set you free.
It's the only reason why you're here.
Sleepz Apr 2014
There's a man at the door,
Waiting for you to open it.
He waits forever,
But forever is only so long.
Forever may not be enough,
Because he's waiting outside a home that no longer exists.

This man would bring you flowers,
But you'd probably burn them in your chimney,
As you drink your cup of poison.
Maybe in your eyes,
These flowers will follow you to hell.
Don't you worry,
Because they'll be there waiting for you.

This man would give you his life,
But you'd probably possess it,
Control it as if it was your own.
You'll possess this person,
And express feelings of nothingness.

This man would give you his heart,
But you'd probably inject it with happiness.
The happiness will work like acid,
Eating through it until it disappears.
Allowing it to become addicted,
So that it would one day run cold.

This man would give you his ears,
So that you could hear his heart beat,
But you'd probably tell him the secrets of where you truly are.

The man waits,
In silence,
After forever passes he will no longer have the heart he once had before.

The man walks up to the door once again,
He knocks a little harder this time,
He drops the flowers at the front,
Years pass and he's still standing there,
But the flowers disappeared.

He is growing white hair on his head,
He is so old he has lost his hearing.
The venom evaporating through your door is  causing him trouble breathing.

The man goes down in his knees,
Hand to his heart,
Wishing he could hear the wind,
Wishing he could see you again.
He looks to the ground along with the children you had,
This man is your husband.

The love for you is killing him,
Everynight he sits at the side of the bed,
Praying to feel your presence,
You're not there.

Once again the man goes to see you,
With flowers in his hand,
He drops them on your grave.

"I miss you,
I miss your beautiful face,
I miss your smile.
I miss your happiness.
I continue to grow weak,
I promise I will see you soon."

Your husband goes home and makes an attempt to stay strong,
He is finally able to sleep.
This is after he's waited forever,
He realizes there is one thing you left behind,
He turns and looks at his kids and says, "I'm sorry."
he kisses them on the forehead and he tells them things will get better.
"I love you."
Dedicated to the sons and daughters who have lost one of their parents.
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