There's a man at the door,
Waiting for you to open it.
He waits forever,
But forever is only so long.
Forever may not be enough,
Because he's waiting outside a home that no longer exists.

This man would bring you flowers,
But you'd probably burn them in your chimney,
As you drink your cup of poison.
Maybe in your eyes,
These flowers will follow you to hell.
Don't you worry,
Because they'll be there waiting for you.

This man would give you his life,
But you'd probably possess it,
Control it as if it was your own.
You'll possess this person,
And express feelings of nothingness.

This man would give you his heart,
But you'd probably inject it with happiness.
The happiness will work like acid,
Eating through it until it disappears.
Allowing it to become addicted,
So that it would one day run cold.

This man would give you his ears,
So that you could hear his heart beat,
But you'd probably tell him the secrets of where you truly are.

The man waits,
In silence,
After forever passes he will no longer have the heart he once had before.

The man walks up to the door once again,
He knocks a little harder this time,
He drops the flowers at the front,
Years pass and he's still standing there,
But the flowers disappeared.

He is growing white hair on his head,
He is so old he has lost his hearing.
The venom evaporating through your door is  causing him trouble breathing.

The man goes down in his knees,
Hand to his heart,
Wishing he could hear the wind,
Wishing he could see you again.
He looks to the ground along with the children you had,
This man is your husband.

The love for you is killing him,
Everynight he sits at the side of the bed,
Praying to feel your presence,
You're not there.

Once again the man goes to see you,
With flowers in his hand,
He drops them on your grave.

"I miss you,
I miss your beautiful face,
I miss your smile.
I miss your happiness.
I continue to grow weak,
I promise I will see you soon."

Your husband goes home and makes an attempt to stay strong,
He is finally able to sleep.
This is after he's waited forever,
He realizes there is one thing you left behind,
He turns and looks at his kids and says, "I'm sorry."
he kisses them on the forehead and he tells them things will get better.
"I love you."

Sometimes the lack of feeling is easier then the feeling itself.
Yet, some say they miss feeling, but with feeling comes agony.
What they mean is they miss feeling without the agony.

To feel good is essential to everyone.
If a person goes days without feeling good, there's a problem.
A problem that requires confrontation.

Sometimes people believe its better to avoid problems, but do problems usually confront you if they are avoided?
Not really.
Because problems act with avoidance.
Problems are passive aggressive.
They are scared, and cowardice.
When a person confronts the problem,
It is stopped in its tracks.

Confrontation without bad words and frustration is the best kind.
Is resembles a stronger, smarter version of you.
Life is a chess game.
Play smart.

Everything a writer says,
takes deep thought and is very careful when it comes to words,
each word is special because the writer picks it.
Fall in love with a writer and the writer will show you who you are,
even things you don't know about yourself.
The writer will paint a canvas with words
and will paint a picture of your face on a mountain
with the sunset all around it
the sky your favorite colors
mixed with the soft yellow of the sun,
that makes your face feel so warm,
you never want to go home.

A writer will make you cry,
for reasons you won't comprehend.
A writer will cheer you up,
it only takes a sentence to make you smile.
And when a writer finally breaks your heart,
you'd wish that he would stay for a while.
You would grab the pieces and say, "Please fix this."
When the writer tells you "I'm sorry i can't.."
You will feel as if you've lost the person that gave your life meaning,
you will feel like you weren't good enough for the one perfect person.

The writer as an artist,
as well as an actor.
The writer is a killer,
and a writer's soul is black,
with poison running through the veins.
It'll make you hate,
It'll make you love,
It will drive you insane.
It will make you realize you have lost what makes you calm.

As a writer you'll find yourself speaking words that don't make sense,
one day you'll realize those words are what is on your mind,
once you understand them you'll know yourself better than anyone else,
you'll enter a world that's separated from reality
and your thoughts will become true to you,
the same as a person with schizophrenia
you'll suffer the way a person does when wanting to commit suicide,
and you'll laugh the way a clown laughs even when the jokes
are no longer funny.

Until then you will understand the complications
of falling in love,
you'll question if there is even love to begin with.
You'll find that there is,
and when your mom & dad told you,
that your husband would treat you like a Queen,
and you will have a castle it's true.
And at that time you'll realize that your parents are poets,
which is why you will forever fall in love with their words.

Traveling through the narrow path,
the three follow the black wolf.

He is the lead that will take them out of the darkness,
the pain of the forest,
the feeling of defeat.

The taste of hopelessness,
they wish they had not experienced such misery.

The one says, "Woe is me, so sad you see, on one knee, no tree to climb, no dime to spend, no friend to stay till the end, tend to them they said, how could I if we are all dead."

The two says, "To be true is to accept the new, yet no one knew the few will be of the crew out of twelve only three survived with a dive or risk and a splash of damage that comes with the flop, into the water we go suffer no more, indeed it hits the core but we will see what we have in store."

The three says, "All we need, is to follow the lead, it will take us to the light at the end of the tunnel into the funnel of strawberry covered pancakes where the days are good, and sophisticated. Back to our lives where the skies are blue, we'll wipe our foreheads and say 'woo' that was a long journey and be glad it is done."

The first speaks the worst sadness.
The second speaks of acceptance of fate.
The third speaks of potential positivity.

The wolf leads the herd of three.

Legs shaking bones breaking,
is the ground quaking?
Eyes burning, heads hurting,
What is all that noise?
Teeth grinding, fists clenches, brace yourselves,
at least that's what happens when you live life in this world.

It will take you down, try to destroy your spirit.
Weaken you through nonsense we believe may be true.
Our mind recognizes not the emperical,
yet it believes the delusional thought and see's the face
of betrayal when betrayal may not be present.
The mind allows such betrayal of the person,
the belief that leads us all to suffer.

There are many beliefs,
but neither are correct.

Science says there is no God,
we can't prove he's real therefore he is not.

God's "people" say,
Science is not fully real it's based on many theories.

Equal rights activists say,
People need to learn to be better people.

Media says you can do whatever you want,
dress indecent,
speak indecent,
be who "you" are even though it isn't really.

Young people say the older ones think what we have to say
is not important.

Old people say these kids are a bunch of rebels with no discipline, the generations keep getting worse and worse.

Parents say be whatever gender you want to be and we will support you during your time of confusion - at 6 years of age by not taking the time to fully understand what is going on.

The ignorant say, you made this comment. Therefore I hate you.

The wise stay quiet.
The stupid keep speaking.
Because of this the world worsens,
because of that we are a corrupt generation,
because of this fact we walk a path of confusion and pain,
a path that is lead by the black wolf,
that represents evil yet we perceive is good.
We put our hopes on anything,
we follow anything we think may work.
We no longer stand for what we believe,
but we stand for the beliefs of others and influences
that have been brought upon us as we were young that we
no longer are able to understand the root of or intention.

We are dying, without knowing what it is to love our neighbor.
We believe that with love comes *** yet this idea is toxifying
and destroys us inwardly.
We no longer understand what caring for one another is,
because in the eyes of the many it is an expression of weakness.

The weak is pushed around and tossed.
The strong believe they are at the top yet, the tower of Babylon will fall eventually.
Crumbling and destroying everything in its path as it did
while it was being built.
Neither the strong understand one another,
and the strong fight with the strong.

And this ladies and gentleman,
is our world of pain.
Where people hurt,
and its looked down upon to give a shoulder to cry on.

People cannot ask for help because it is said to leave them vulnerable,
this is your world of pain.
But who can we blame?
My neighbor hurts me,
but my neighbor does not know better.
Nothing that doesn't promote us to get money
is worth learning.
This is the wolf.
This is our World Made of Pain.

The dandelions grow,
They blow with the wind.  

Spread across the thin grass,
With little green, and many grains of brown sand.

Later the seeds grow into more weeds.  If unattended they will ruin your deeds.

My Bella, My Bella

I've been through hell and back lately.  
I thought it'd be easy.
To leave,
I was deceived.

What more is there,
I glare and I glare.
Stare.
My eyes filled with flare.
Eye contact blind, inexistant.
Afraid of the consequences when
Its known it was all a lie.

The weeds spread.
As my negativity ascends,
The surface of my soul rots.
Impossibilities run through the mind.
Dreams of you and me,
Waking up,
Feelings furthest from relieved.
Heart hidden underneath my sleeves,
I've lost it.  
Abandoned, left to freeze.

Smiles grow painful.
Photographs record shameful agony. 

The liquid of your cheeks,
Unseen, unfelt.
Your happiness brings forth wander,
Yet it is not the place for thieves
To ponder of their lives refrained from stealing.

Your rose stolen,
Put in a vase filled with poison,
From red to white,
Pale in sight.
Expressions of sorrow despite
The sunlight,
Not a single lady bug would take
Flight and land even on its very might.
Who would blame it.  

The endless nights have
Turned into short term darkness,
For those who dream their
Nightmares while laying awake.

Only to see the blinding sunlight rise,
So close to their dialating pupils
And puffy cheek bones,
Enough to draw salt water from the sea.
Yet, it is
So far,
In the distance behind the mountains.
The sunlight once again escapes.

This life feels it will take
A lifetime to pass.

I got hate in my heart,
A stained blade in my chest,
Found Aids in my blood,
My Minds as ***** as mud,
And i don't give a ****,
what you got on yours.

I really don't know but i think i need a hug,
I'm at the brink of suffocating,
I can't think of anything else with you on my head.
It's like i got a bullet made of lead,
But it's in the middle of my skull.

Except this time it isn't dull ,
I got a shot of heaven,
11:11 doesn't work ,
I wouldn't know cause' i never made a wish,
Like a fish in the water,
Alone in the sea and all i really need,
is you next to me.

Demensed, reminenced to the incidence
Stuck on my chest
With the rest of the depressed
Cartridge packed with gun powder speaks
Louder than the words of this script
Candle dripped on the side, hardened from
The kind weakness of the departed
When their love runs out
No doubt the sprout denies its bloom
Consumed to doom

When there's good evil grows
When good fears, evil surrounds
The lack of oxygen prevents the flame,
Compressed with shame,
Maybe we should try another strain
Too much good
Not enough evil
How about stop good and bad
Chop off the fingers that point
For many that would dissapoint
Gossiping little brats
With bats instead if hearts
Dusted and rusted infected demented
Dissected fraklinected

Evilly mended stop pretendin,
And turning attempting the discerning
Blinded minded no denyin the lack of kinded
Destroys the shinin.

Creativity (Midnight Freewrite)

Once upon a time, my mind was blank.
Could I finally be sane
from the feelings ingrained in my so often flooded mind?
This ocean pushes the small grains of sand as though keeping
them all at one place,
the inability to crawl back to where they once were.
Accompanied by many,
yet purified throughout the constant washing due
to clashing of waves.
The stubborn rocks give in,
once enormous,
they've become wearisome from being pummeled over and over by the ruthless ripples,
eating away mercilessly like piranhas.
The rocks begin to deteriorate like my wretched nightmares,
as if it was inevitable for them to reciprocate this way.

I think to myself

Could I for once create something beautiful without the taint
of distortion my pessimistic perspective brings upon my cursed
brain?
Or is the lust after such a wicked dream be looked down
upon by my insides which take control of me?

Perhaps one should blame his imaginations
for considering such a change.
Imaginations which were once banished.
Ones leading to joy and happiness,
when one was once optimistic to the sun and the trees,
the butterflies in his stomach that
cause him to day dream.
The butterflies which took him away from the struggles, and constant agony.
The one that drove him away from the thoughts
of his uncles,
and made him believe they would be there as he woke.

The kind of imagination that
One must pinch himself to see if he's awake.

But why do I feel?

                                                                I once had the power to dream,
                                                 To think such miracles were real.
                             I dared to think there was such a thing.

                                                     My creativity got the best of me.

Its frustrating,
Isn't it, my love?
The feeling of uncertainty,
The feeling of having to find someone for you.
Has your prince charming not yet appeared,
To save you from this wicked spell?
The wasted time.
The special feeling of getting to know them,
While your heart bares the fear of them failing you miserably,
Or even you failing them.

Are you not happy on your own, my love?
Do those scars remind you of the darkness
Awaiting you as you hit your head on the
Pillow as you fall deep asleep?
Into the depths of the ocean you go,
A treasure chest awaiting to be found.
But my tank doesnt take me that deep, my love.
Id drown trying to find you,
And you couldnt meet me halfway,
Even if you wanted to.

Even if I did find you,
Will you be easy to open,
Or will I have to pry you?
Will a lock be in existence,
If so will you give me a key?
Or will I find the need to break the rusted
Old lock.

But when I open you, would you be empty.
With no treasures left for me to find of you?
Will the box you belong to be damaged
From those who made the far effort,
To only sell your jewels and let the admiration of them go to waste?

A tsunami hit,
My love has been washed ashore.
So many have the map to that says the "X" marks the spot,
And they beat me to it,
Havent they, my love?

How about for one day we all just kick it,
Without hating anyone,
Without talking **** or wanting to fight,
Asking our enemies how they're doing,
Not have to walk out the door of our
home worrying whether or not our
family will be alright.
Count on one another,
Get into a relationship without the intention of
******* on the first date
and ******* people over.
Whether you think it or not,
all this **** rots your mind.
And because of the way society is raised,
we are all guilty of doing these things.
There's no longer such thing as a pure heart,
kids are ganging up on kids because they think it's a joke
people are picking on those with autism.
Have you ever seen a kid with autism cry?
You think those you call "retarted" have no feelings
and are just happy all the time?
You're wrong,
and that's an excuse that runs through everyones mind,
saying **** you don't mean destroys others.
Not only others but you as well,
How about you walk up to him and give him a hug,
and when you do you'll know what real love is,
that person with autism should charge you a grand
so that you could know what real love is.
This person doesn't need to know you,
doesn't care about how many people you've hurt,
i guarantee he will hug you knowing he better
make it worth it because he just might
not see you again,

Your mind rots,
that is why you think it is okay to seek revenge
on those who do you wrong,
you seek to ruin their life,
but that's okay,
it's normal,
cause that's the way we were raised.
Have you ever thought,
maybe i shouldn't care?
Maybe these people already suffer enough as it is.
The truth is,
everyone suffers,
just in different ways.
The problem is that when you speak of kids from
Africa who are poor with no clothes,
you swear to be on their side and you swear like
you don't suffer the same.
But when that person comes to the U.S,
where is the help now?
You see him with eyes that judge,
and you say,
"I'm glad i don't live that way."
While he is thinking:
"I'm happy im alive,
i'm happy i'm not blind and i could see these
people with big blue eyes, green eyes brown eyes
light skin, brown skin,
and many different races."
Well you're really fcken blessed aren't you?
How about putting some clothes on his back,
and inviting him to your home to eat;
This kid was raised to ****** with a machete against his own will,
and he was saved.

You,
You're mind is full of dirt and you don't even know it.
You think you don't suffer the same?
You think that you are blessed because you have
clothes on your back?
Help those around you,
Pray for them,
and pray for God to fix your problems as well.
Cause you don't have the power to fix them,
and the only way your rotten mind will
think they are fixed is by putting those around you, under you.
This is the ideal world,
the ideal day,
but it will never exist how sad is that.

Love those around you,
cause tomorrow they'll be gone.
And your wish will come true,
your enemies will be gone too.
Society needs to change

Sometimes I sit here looking out my window forgetting to breathe,
with every single one of my teeth falling out on the floor.
I dont know what it's about, blood pourin' through my mouth like a water slide.
I have a headache don't talk to me,
I heard you lied and cheated on me;
why would you do such a thing i thought it was special between us but it's all gone now.
Pow pow, I feel myself hitting at my chest trying to catch my breath,
I remember back in the day when i used to play teather ball i was one of the little champions,
and now all i see is death coming for me like a rock slide falling on top of a car and smashing it so it rolls from side to side down a ******* ride to hell.
I know these words aren't really swell but this is how I felt the other day when i saw you ******* your best friend through the window.
Everytime i pass by one i sigh and take my shirt off look at my abs and feel like i worked em' out for nothing,
those thoughts make me mad so i wrapped my shirt around my fist and broke the window to pieces.
Can't you see what you do to me,
you make me to crazy,
i'm lazy every day but i guess this is how it is when you're depressed
you can't rest for **** and sometimes i even forget that i need to take a breath.
I forget to breathe when i think about people telling me their whole life story about me ******* up my life over something stupid.
I tell em that this has been the 50th conversation i've had with a low life person like you telling people how they should live their life.
I'm only 16 **** it,
I'll do something crazy and even though i'll regret it when i get introuble i'm trying to teach you
people a lesson.
I just wanna be alone can't you see i'm less of a person than everyone else,
less of a victim than everyone else,
less of a witness or a killer than everyone else.
I feel pain everywhere i go in my ribs,
i don't feel no air coming in through this window so i break another one,
except this one was with an open fist now i wish i didn't do that cause it's gonna get fat soon.
I feel like i'm in outerspace someone come and taze me in the neck so i can wake up,
i'm fed up with these stupid rules, these stupid schools that expect us to follow them
and these cops who enforce em'.
I'm sitting here in the hospital now don't know when i got here or who brought me here,
i fear that i'm still asleep,
but than again this all has to be a dream i can't be going insane because that would be a shame.
The doctor takes a look at me apparently i was up in a ledge of a window trying to commit suicide,
unfortanately it wasn't high enough so where the **** are my pills,
next time i'll remember to roll down a hill,
do whatever i want that's against your will.
I sit still because it hurts to breathe I'm missing something that had meaning to me and there goes a piece of my heart,
part of it is in heaven the other parts in hell now,
unhappy and dying trying to survive but can't.
God doesn't grant wishes he only punishes;
doctor won't you please wash my ******' dishes it's hard for me to trust anyone anymore now a days
that's the end of the race.
******* for making me feel this way,
and that's why i sit here forgetting to breathe with my teeth all over the floor,
don't open the door cause i wouldn't want anyone to see me like this.

The sun shines in my face,
Insisting that i wake up.
It's a new day,
But I don't know the first thing to do,
My mind travels but my body is stuck,
Might as well lay me under a truck,
I wouldn't get up to save my life
I'd rather be in heaven flying kites
Like I did when I was a little kid
Down by the beach with my dad
Teaching me to play catch.

Those are the good old days,
But part of being a man is accepting responsibility
Doing what you have to even though
You don't want to.
If it could go my way,
I would kidnap the president and make him
Work for me.
Then everyone would think it's a good idea
And we'd bring back slavery.
Except this time we can tie chains
Around uncle Tom,
Imagine never having to serve your own food.
Hey you got a slave I like,
Let's Make a fair trade.

Slave,
Why don't you go to School for me,
Give me your Lambos and your millions,
Give me the keys to all your mansions.
The Bible tells me that we as humans have the
Power to rule over animals,
And I'm the one being ruled,
Maybe I'm not human.

When I was a child in my mind I ruled the world,
Now that I'm grown all I want to do is
Smoke and drink.
I go home and find my child Hood toys,
they look at me and they no longer recognize me,
I ask: how am I supposed to keep time from changing me ?
They respond that time is the Potter,
We are the clay,
We form as time passes,
But regardless of our suffering and pain
Regardless of any tears that may be hidden behind
Our eyes,
Regardless of the chains around our wrists,
Neck and legs.
Regardless of the scars on our back
For all the mistakes that we've made
And the sweat of our body
That bleeds so that we have food on our
Table and a blanket at night,
Regardless of all this,
Perfection comes with time,
And in time we must learn patience.

So close yet untouchable,
Feelable yet unseeable,
Real deceivable by the unbelievable ,
Eighth illitical nine times political
Belief of the synnical miracle that we call a principle,
A stronghold On the souls taken into a serial killer called death.

Also known as depression which is believed
To be demons Taking possession
only expelled by the reverant.
Things we are brainwashed to believe,
Religion at its finest
Kills with the letter like a sword.
Systematically condemning the world
In one accord.
Casting stones yet commit hidden sins.

My fellow humans,
Your flesh is inescaple and unbreakable,
Jesus came for his people yet they killed him.
And you **** his people with your religion.
Christians disagree with other christians,
So much division how can His army win.

I'm on a mission,
To fulfill my position after witnessin all
Hatred involved in environments means for peace.
The U.S. is supposed to be free,
Yet it us trapped with the multiple that
Bring back ******.
The hate of one alone is enough to ****
The Jews.
To destroy the blacks.
And get rid of the Mexicans.
The hate of one alone,
Wrecks families, and takes lives.
It even enslaves the whites,
A tragedy unheard of.

All of us feel hate and we know not what to do.
It fills the mind we grind our teeth,
The heart pumps fast to supply the heat.
Our face is warm our fingers tense,
Lips shake,
eyes wake,
We can't help but to make a mistake.

The stress resumes,
All we remember is our uncles death.
Sleep lacks deep,
All one does is drink,
In an attempt to bring peace to himself,
None of it works you realize they still
Aren't around,
At least we know,
They are sound asleep,
In heaven where we will one day meet.

"I'll Be that guy for you, I'll be whoever you want me to be.  The one to love you, the one to break you, the one you cry for, the one you will always think about, but as long as I am all these things -  No matter how much I have broken your heart, I will be what you want me to be, I will be your prisoner, the one you can't let go, the one you'll hate, the one you'll wish you've never met, the one you will talk to your friends about.  And if you ever thought you were the one to break mine, don't forget that I never had one to begin with.  Which is why I'll forget the fact that you ever even existed."
True Pride
Dedicated to a person I know.

We wake up to that alarming sound,
Pick up the cellphone

Scroll, Scroll, Scroll
Unread messages, missed calls

The darkness and lonesome of waking up,
Covered, Isolated,
but recharged from the constant stimulus
and daily overload of the senses.

Eyes feel weighted,
Stretching open as if rubber bands hold them shut.

The sound of TVs, Music, Cars,
Technology
Dressing well, presentation is key.

The anxiety of fulfilling plans, responding to emails, presenting your body to wherever it needs to be.  

Enslaved by the concept of time,
the necessary effort to find time for you,
but the feeling of losing, and the learned mentality that tells you to be lazy is to sit.  

In this quiet realm,
listening to ones own thoughts and wondering:
how many of these are a result of influence?  

Where am I?  
Where is me?

Everyday we wear this armor,
ready to battle,
but seeking
peace,
tranquility.

When was the last time you noticed the birds chirp?
The patterns of wind, as is winds up,
and as it winds down.  
As it quiets down enough to hear a pen drop,
and then it leaves you for a moment.
The cold as it triggers goosebumps and lifts the hair on your arms.

The annoyance of grass,
irritating your bare skin as you sit on it,
but you choose tolerance.  

And all of this provokes the realization,
of the constant loop you are in.  
To get here you have to escape.

The expectations of each one of your roles,
Son or Daughter, Man or Woman, Friend or Foe, to choose you or someone else,
Human.
The appoinments of life,
the need to insistingly value your time,
the sin of escaping your daily routine.

Days like these

A machine constantly in motion

To be the free bird that fights for survival,
where a meal is never guaranteed.
Or to be caged,
and fed by the social constructs,
and partake of what is given to you.  

Either way,
A loop is a loop.

My little spark,
One day you could set fires,
Spread yourself ablaze.
With beautiful light,
Shining in the darkness.
But you're struggling.
Keep trying,
I told her.
One day you'll be beautiful.  You'll be remembered.

My little candle light,
Your aroma relaxes me.
Your light shines a small section of the room,
Sometimes to be admired
As you melt the wax underneath you.
But one day your shine will perish,
Won't it?

My little ember,
You take flight as the bon fire wood cracks.
Coming from a flame,
Your attempts to reach out fail every single
Time.
As you fall to the ground in sadness,
What your reaching for is unreachable.
Keep trying my ember,
One day you'll be beautiful.  

My beautiful has become a flame.  
Scorching with passion and traveling through aggression.
Burning with the earth as her fuel.
She takes advantage of the air to guide her direction,
But without detection.  
Is there anyone to notice you?

She burned so softly,
As she grew I lost control of her.

Furiously, she set her love ablaze.
Until only ashes were left of him.

She's grown so beautifully she is unable to feel regrets.
Does she miss him?
Or is she now happy he has become a part of her?
Has she yet realized his ashes were left behind?
His ashes were freed by the wind which she could no longer find.
Little did she care, she's admires her own beauty, something she could only dream of.

My little inferno,
Feeding on hatred, purifying the filthy.
Crowds run from her beauty,
Blistering heat torches their skin.

My inferno cannot be extinguished.
My inferno chooses her own path.
My inferno consumes.
My inferno turns blood into ash.

My inferno,
Is now asleep.
And just like a dream, she ceases to exist.

And we are alone now,
With really nothing to say,
Cause things just aren't the same,
And I really don't like it this way.
You're sitting 10ft away and I can't help but to look at you,
But I guess we can pretend things are okay.
And I guess we can pretend that this is just fate,
Pretending we hate when its really just love,
But I dont know what love is,
And I guess it only makes sense that I pretend that I do.
Me and you all we are is past tense,
All we were is back then when things were a little better then what they are now,
A little better then what they were before we ever happened,
But everyday we both get a little better at ignoring each other,
We just get a little better at Pretending we dont care,
I guess we are experts at that now. At the end of the day,
All that I will tell my friends is that today was perfect.
Even if I'm just rotting inside. Sleep,

We see hate every day,
And we relearn it every day.
Our parents tell us to love everyone,
No matter how much those people hurt us,
Even our enemies.
We try it,
Then others teach us what it feels like to be hurt;
And we learn that its okay to suffer because of others.
We dont like this feeling,
But learn to not treat others the way they treat us.
Even if our dads beat us,
At the end of the day we learn that we must teach them  how to love us.

Then comes the day,
When no one is there to remind you how to love.
You aren't reminded that its okay to suffer for others.
Then comes the day you finally hurt someone,
When you hurt that person you look into their eyes.
You are able to see your face when all those people hurt you as if you were looking at a mirror.
Youre looking at yourself through that person,
you remember learning that its okay to suffer for these people,
Because these people are hurt more then you are.
You realize that we never stop learning how to hate.

So when I grow up,
I will learn to hit my son.
And do you know what I'll tell him?
"Come here my son,
Let me teach you what its like to hate,
The way my parents taught me."
And with the look on his face,
your son,
Will be the one to teach you what love was.

Lets play a game,
The one where we act like we know each other.
Let's play a game,
The one where I'll pretend to never hurt you.
Let's play a game,
Lets play a game.
People get used to pushing others away,
People get used to being on their own,
But it shouldnt be that way.
Let me understand you,
The way you understand me.
Let me show you a different game,
Let's call that game Life.
Let's play it together and cheat as much as we want,
Take off our masks,
And show the world what we really are.
Even if I'm ugly inside, and you are filled with happiness.
Even if I'm afraid of myself, show me that you aren't.
Show me a good future,
And I'll help you forget about the past.
Let's play this game,
Even though it wont last long,
Until the time comes where you have to come back home,
Back where youre alone trapped in your thoughts,
And you can't help but to be depressed.
You can't help but to wish you were dead.
Theres something missing here,
And you could use some fixing.
Let's play a game,
Where we could all pretend all these problems didnt even exist.
The one only me and you could understand.
Let's play a game,
Where you could escape and never come back.
Truth is I'll miss you,
Even though we pretended to know each other all along I fell in love with your disguise
But he thing is,
I know some truth about you,
I could see it in your eyes.
Let's play a game,
Where we dont need to act surprised
Where we dont try to hide,
It'd be impossible cause I'd always find you.
And when I do you'll have tears going down your eyes,
Its a side you never really let me see.
I remember you gave me the key to your heart,
But I still find myself knocking,
And you always answered the door.
Let's play a game,
Where I never saw you again.
Let's play a game,
Where all I really needed was your permission.
Let's play a game,
Before we ever have to go back to reality.
Let's play a a game.

Today my son told me he wanted to be like me when he grows up
so i slapped him across the face,
I told him you better get your **** straight son,
you try to be like me you're gon' end up a ***.
No one could be like me not even you,
I told the same thing to your ***** *** brother,
and as for your mother she be askin' me for money all the time,
i know im a rich *** guy but that don't mean i'd waste a dime for her,
Your uncle lied about the way she died i ****** stuffed her ***** *** in the
trunk of the mercedes and left her there for 10 days,
it was only supposed to be a week but then the next three  i thought
she could ressurect just like Jesus did,
Turned out she didn't cause i didn't hear no banging but than again i never checked,
Don't be a wreck like your ******' uncle Johnny who tried defending her and
they both ended up in a train on their way to San Francisco,
That's right why you think no ******' cops came you see what im saying,
i'm teaching you how to be tough and rough like your dad,
Don't be a little sissie like your little brother Stan who joined the ****
just so he would be a part of something,
Let me tell you something bout' your grandpa Ronnie he's always grumpy for nothing.
If you look at my eyes im a ****** son,
I think it's fun to wrap chains around people's necks and tie em' to the back
of the car,
i know sometimes i take it too far but that man at the gasoline station
thought he could take me down and make me look like a clown,
the sound of that just makes my nerves tingle and not a single person
has ever had the ***** to tell me some stupid **** like that,
so grabbed him like rat and hit his legs with the bat till' they break,
you need to know both our life's are at steak every turn we take,
There's no hesitating and don't you ever run away,
always pay attention to the people who got something to say,
I tell people that I missed you that day,
when you were gon' i couldn't say goodbye,
But thats what happens when Daddy's ****** working all the time,
All i could do is just sigh and know this is the end of the line,
I'm looking at you now but i can't see your face,
I guess it's pretty hard you'd have to have x-ray vision to see under a grave,
I shave now because i remember how you never liked how my beared looked on me,
Just thinking bout' your death makes me wanna scream,
and now i see myself in this ******' hospital now knowing why im here
or what i ever did wrong,
I'm writing you this song to tell you,
Never be like me cause sadly your daddy is never doing the right thing,
But take care say hi to god for me i hope this letter can get to heaven
so you can see it.
Be happy with your whole family up there cause their dead too with you,
i didn't want you to get lonely.
Now you feel at home and i'm just sitting here all alone.

Perhaps, as this epitome of beauty slowly progresses,
he will land on his back to the ground,
Sinking with a warm fuzz that surrounds him,
fuel that crawls throughout his thoughts, imaginations,
emotions - To the point where he cannot help himself but to think of her.

And he will be shocked as if a car were
To crash into him while he put down his guard.

And someday she'd fall into that same cushion,
Perhaps she will envy his smile,
Laughter, soft spots - that were once hardened.  

His armor dropped, laid down as well as his sword.
She thinks to herself:
Is he aware that any small attack could be the cause that he die?

Despite all of this,
she is a warrior of her own mind,
Emotions - scaring off anything that threatens the one thing she believes to have:
Her dignity,
her heart;
She has her guard held heavy enough to detect any virus coming by.
She's her own immunity.
Yet,
She knows deep within her,
It would be the best love they both would
Have ever experienced.

To the point where the world could stop,
And the enemy succeed in beheading the king,
With no king,
They'd be content,
They'd have everything under both their feet,
As they sit on the throne.

Perhaps,
The castle walls would be the best guard they have achieved.

The memories go through my head,
every single day, every single day.
In my mind i'm suffering,
In my chest i'm aching,
In my hands i'm shaking,
In my eyes there's a hurricane there's no control.
I promised myself i'd be there,
no matter what i'll let go of my pride i'll fight it away,
put it back in it's cage,
like a kid try to make it behave.
I shave my fears away,
and i do it everyday,
every single day,
my fears of being alone but i guess it's okay
cause you want to be alone.
I try to be there for you but i can't be there if you don't want me to,
I block you out of my mind,
I drink like i'm blind ad forget of the pain,
then when i notice the scar i remember what it felt like.
**** this **** is harder than i thought,
******* for not being ready,
******* for everything.
******* for the condition i'm in,
but i guess it's for the best,
and they tell me it's for the best.
I talk to you about it,
and you say it's for the best.
And the funny part is i won't be here when you finally decide you need me,
i'll be long gone, and my pride will take the best of me,
my pride will be my everything.
And my pride will bring tears to your eyes,
and with those tears i will tell you to make me a river
so that i can build a boat and sail far away from here,
my fear will be over then my hurricane will be home,
and you will be jealous of the fact that i have moved on,
and by the time you realize you need me i'll be far away.
My suffering has ended congratulations to me,
and one day i will come back,
and that day i will have made my plans,
I will tear you apart same way you did to me,
I'll make you fall in love,
I'll make you fall in love.
And perhaps my heart will still care,
but my pride won't bear to lose.
My Pride won't bear to lose.
And after all this is over,
you will cry yourself to sleep every night,
they will all ask you what's wrong,
and you'll tell them that i hurt you.
Your family will finally hate me,
you're sitting there wishing things were different,
wishing you could go back in time and take back what you said,
You'll hate yourself.
You'll hate yourself more than you already do.
And what if all this didn't happen,
we'll stay on the same chapter and this book will never end.
I will pretend to be your friend,
but just a friend who knows you both can't be together,
I will get tired, and i will hate you.
I'll find someone else who i can't care about,
and in the end, My Pride will be My Everything.
My Pride will be My Everything.

Father forgive me for these dandelions continue to grow,
thoughts in the mind spread like seeds.
Truthfully in the garden they ought not exist.
Reminds me of particular humans fallen,
and inflict a stain in humanity.

Can we mow them as the dandelions are purposed to be?
It's quite possible yet that will only plant another seed.
It is impossible to cease this breed.
Can you teach humans?
Sadly, a dog can only learn to sit and jump.
As a dog pants, so will these humans behave in this way.

They say there is a distinct difference between humans and animals,
humans can build houses, talk and use money.
Wait,
Humans just know how to ruin themselves well.

Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King Jr.

Saw the problem with humanity.

Congratulations,

Yet shockingly,
We have found a way to make equality bad.
At least we can agree on that.
Equally rotting away,
we come to the realization even those in our culture deserve
to be executed.

Can you hug your brother your mother your sister?
Aunt, uncle, grandparents?
Or are you too busy fighting those around you
only selective to a few who toxify you?
And you call those your best friends?

My garden,
Is full of Lilly's,
Daisy's,
Rose's filled with thorns
And
Grass that pains me.
Hard to maintain,
water and love.
My family is the hardest to deal with but the same as a garden it undeniably needs love, attention, forgiveness.

Refrain from being the dandelion.

you were never taught to love,
therefore you dont know how to give it.
you were never shown love,
therefore you cant recognize it when you see it.  

love is like seeing a stranger,
except you only see this stranger in the mirror,
you dont know yourself and no one has ever known you.  

rarely will you say the words "I love you",
because most of the time it comes out as
a desperate gasp for air,
as if punched in the ribs with the feeling of having the wind knocked out of you.  

you're broken,
and you wonder if you will ever make it out.  
everything you've ever known,
is now foreign because it was all constantly taken from you ever since you can remember.  

could you ever have protected yourself?
Oh, my poor broken soul..

I bring you the cure,
so that you can grow once again.  
I cannot rebuild you,
because you were never brought forth.
instead I will create you,
and I will teach you.  
I will build love in you,
and show you what it is to smile.

My poor broken soul,
you have such beautiful eyes.  
the look of painful happiness
everytime your gaze is set.
as if you were a rabbit,
coming out in the daylight,
looking up to the sky wondering if that hawk has spotted you.
but you look beautiful from up here.

but it wasnt like that before was it?
the happiness?
is that new to you?
did you ever experience joy?

it hasnt been often--where you could be let out of your cage.  
where you could explore and be free and know yourself as you.
im sorry,
I wish I could pick up those pieces.

but instead, I will free you from this cage.
your wings will spread
you will be the hawk,
and the animals your prey.
instead of being afraid
you will be feared by all the evil in this earth.
your head will be crowned
with rings on every finger

as He once said,
"I will make your enemies a footstool for your feet ti rest."

you will know what its like, to rest your head on this field of lilies.  
under the tree in the shade,
enjoying every sunset,
and the view of the ocean.

that smile is my favorite place,
and I will make sure it will never be erased.
You're my island,
And alone with you,
Is where I want to stay.

I love you.  
my beautiful, soul.

Once upon a time,
There was a lady with brown hair,
Big brown eyes
With the smile of an Angel.

There was also a man,
Black hair,
Brown eyes
And the smirk of the devil.

The lady picked up a heart she found
On the floor,
She was walking down the yellow
Brick road.
The felt the heart and examined it,
The heart was cold and it was
Broken.
She wondered whose it was,
So she placed it in a bag and brought
It to a doctor,
When the doctor saw it he told her:
"Ma'am this hearts been broken
For months,
It's cold and it's old
I'm sorry I cannot help you,
The person this heart belongs to is dead."

The lady did not give up,
She took the heart and she went to a
Priest.
The priest told her,
"Sister I'm sorry,
But I am not a doctor
I cannot tell you whose heart this is,
But I can tell you that this
Person has suffered very much,
The heart is broken in every corner.
Almost as if it was thrown and
Cracked like a beer bottle.
May God have mercy on this person."

The lady did not give up,
She took the heart and she took it to
Her House.
she taped it up and stitched it
Together.
The heart was ugly but for some reason
Could not let it go.

She went to the city wondering whose
Heart it was.
Nobody claimed it,
And everyone was disgusted at the sight.
An old lady told her,
"You shouldn't be carrying that heart
Around,
Just look at how rotten it is,
It looks like someone ran it over with a
Truck several times.
It should be thrown away,
You're wasting your time looking for
That guy."

The lady didn't give up,
And she kept on trying,
Trying and trying
Time and time again
She lost hope in finding this man
Until one day there was a knock on her door,
She found it weird because
She knew no one.
At her door step she found flowers,
With a little note it was directions
To a grave, it said:
"Meet me here bring the heart with you."

She went to the cemetery but could
Not find the grave.
She looked and she looked,
She asked one of the guards
And they said that the grave did
Not exist.

She threw the heart On
The ground and experienced
Feelings of abandonment,
She felt like a part of her was missing
She looked at her heart and
Found out it was cracking.
She had to go back,
And when she did it was gone.
The Ground ate it like an apple,
She felt hopeless and
Angry at herself.

But she didn't give up,
She began to dig and dig.
Until she Finally found it,
She grabbed it and cleaned it,
She said:
"Ill always take care of you and I promise not to abandon you."

She felt a tap on her shoulder and
Saw the devil.
He was disguised as an angel
And said he was sorry
For not appearing earlier,
He had hurt so many people
And he felt destroyed
He no longer wanted to feel guilt
And he threw away his heart
He said the heart is a useless
Instrument that humanity has,
He says it takes away everything one
Could put his hands on.

The lady said "no You're wrong,
It doesn't matter who You've hurt
Or the things that you've done,
Your heart is what tells you right from wrong,
And without it you will not remember
Who you are.
With a head on your shoulders
It is not merely enough,
You need something to guide you
And without a heart you can guide no one."
The devil laughed at this,
"Why do you think it is so important to
Care about others?
When I left my heart out for
Months and months people will
Only step on it and saw how ugly it was
Why do you claim to see beauty in
A persons heart? "

The lady responded,
"Not everyone will see it,
Only those who are ready
Will be able to see beauty in what is ugly,
And will accept the truth over lies.
Everyone hurts others,
But the only problem is Mr devil,
You're the cause of that hurt.
Which is why you will never know
What it is to care for
Someone else's heart."

There was a man named Adam,
Went to prison for violent crimes.
Came out wanted to start a new life,
Got himself a good wife.
Planned on having good kids, strong kids
The best athletes,
Play in sports with competetion so high they bleed.
Little warriors.

Everyone see's Adam now.
He's successful, they dont know hes gone to prison,
They dont know if hes even hurt a fly
Hes so peaceful people dont even ask why,
He knows so much about the streets,
Hes street smart,
People are impressed that he can help.
He can defend his friends,
His family,
But the sad thing is,
It takes full control of himself,
And though its been 5 years
Since the last time he was locked up
He still thinks of himself
As that animal,
He feels when people look at him
They can see the truth behind his eyes.
They say:
There's something wrong with this
Guy,
He's got lies I know he does.

The stigma traps him and follows him throughout college,
He has a degree,
he's won awards for best employee,
Works fulltime makes enough money
To bring food to the table,
Put his kids in sports
Buy the car of the year for his wife,
Every year.
Sick paint job,
Hes at the top.

But nobody knows,
That hes worked so hard,
So many times hes fought,
To keep his head from sinking
Underwater.
Theres days he feels like letting himself
Sink,
And just give up,
But its not him its not in his genes.
So many times he wants to let his
Old self take over.

His brothers died,
One after another,
Same spot, same place, same way,
In their sleep
Cold as concrete,
In his heart it stings
But he holds back the tears.
He goes to their funeral,
He leaves to the parki
His wife Bety says
Adam, you need to get up
We cant stay here
You're crying on the floor with cars
Passing by,
Youre too heavy to carry,
Youre starting to scare me
Dont give up on life
I know it hurts
I know they were close
I know they're your blood
And you'd do anything to hug
The two of them again
We can visit their grave
I know it's not the same
Dont put yourself at blame,
You need to claim your manliness once again,
Snap out of it no pain lasts forever.

He now is back to work,
Back to grinding
Neverminding
Avoiding all the wreck and sighing
Denying the fact hes hurt,
He goes back to work
Pretends nothings happened
Because he has a hidden reputation to keep,

Let the tea steep,
Dont be thinking about going
Back to drinking the lean
Or smoking the ****,
Dont even think about starting to chug
On the liquor that makes your brain thicker
It will be harder for you to think straight

At this rate hes telling his conscience that he no longer wants to listen,
He sees his winnings
All over his wall in the office
He has.
Its meaningless to him,
He thinks over and over again
On multiple occasions
One day hes batting them down
Smashing them
Contemplating
Whether he wants to start his life
Over or he wants to end it
Ruin it, thats a tempt
But God sent him here to complete
A mission.
And its not to spread religion.
Or tell people they're going to hell.

Snap out of it.

He goes back to work the next morning,
Forgets about everything,
Moment he walks through the
Door hes all smiles
But this time its half a smile,
His eyes dont smile along with his mouth,
Barely showing his teeth,
He knows somethings wrong,
And its creeping up on him.

Sits at home, feels like his wife has
Disappeared.
But shes here,
Somewhere up stairs.

Next day goes to work,
Realizes he hasnt been giving his wife or kids the attention they need,
Do they understand that even after
10 years he still thinks about
His two brothers?

Goes home sits down,
Instead of fixing all his problems
He drowns in them with a bottle of absolut.

Next day, wakes up,
Goes to work,
Hungover
Man why did I even do that.
Hide it.
Focus.
Smile.
Say hi.

Goes home,
This time sits in his car for hours,
He notices the distance,
Hes going further and further.
Lights up a cigarette,
Its been years since he's had one.
Thinks about his brothers,
Lets go of the thought.
Goes inside his house lays in bed,
And his wife complains of the smell.

Not knowing whats wrong,
She sleeps peacefully.
He gets in the shower,
Feels anger in him.
Where does it come from?
Nevermind that.

Goes to work,
Theres a surprise party for him.
Employee of the year,
Have a bite of this cake,
So many people the building feels like an earthquake.
Maybe this is what he needs,
The support of everyone.

There's the jealous ones but that's okay they dont faze him.
Flashbacks of his brothers,
They sometimes taze him.
He falls in a trance,
Out of body experience,
He looks at himself,
Nobody could hear him
Struggling on the inside
He wants to break free
And the people around him,
They can barely see,
Hes disconnected from them.

"First of all I would like to thank the ones who have congratulated me on this day,
I guess hard work really does pay,
A stray came in here and you
Received it with open arms,
And for all of you in thankful.
So best regards."

Goes back home,
Doesn't tell his family hes won an award.
Leaves it in the counter,
Goes straight to bed,
Hes dead,
Nothing but a zombie.
Adam,
Straighten your head.

His dreams are vivid,
He can see a young kid,
Whose protecting his sister
A black wolf following them,
It looks sinister.
Lord bring me a minister,
Thats what i need.
It chases them down,
A dark alley.
Rampaging,
The boy valiantly decided,
It was too fast,
Its either him or his sister,
So he stop with a crash,
His sister leaving,
He lets the wolf catch him.
His hands slowly bleeding,
In his attempts to choke it.
He needs to survive because there might be more,
Hes fighting for his life."

Adam, get up.
Adam, get up.
You're late for work, here's your breakfast,

Is the mind usually a place that will darken your soul?
Or are poets simply looking through the wrong places?
Why is it that death trends more than life.
Why is it that depression trends more than happiness.
Is there really something wrong with sleeping at a bed full or roses
and a cup of tea?
Why do those roses always have to have thorns,
and why does that tea always have to be poison?

To be in school is to have a duel of renewal,
of the things we have learned
whether we should burn the past or be stubborn and hang on
denying the new as if we had any clue
on how to make this stew of life brew
we grew and we grew
some have beards, some have *******,
but some of us stayed the same as the rest
our brains put to the test
we are still stuck in our nest
where we find comfort.

Im like a bald eagle ready to get its prey,
Like a pitbull off his leash ready to eat a maltese
The cure that frees us of the disease
And get you off your knees
The bee that protects his queen
By giving my life away in one sting
The genius who thinks
The elephant that drinks at the water hole
Surrounded by lions
The third king that roams the desert

Let us not pretend to be experts
because we tend to lose
on lifes greatest news
whether we know how to make the stew or not
let us not be fake and appreciate
the things that have brought us here to this day
your fate is not to educate your thought
because like fruit is comes to rot
I know because I sought and fought
to be like Isaac Newton
I've been wanting to make inventions
but in a different dimension
although this pressure and tension
is making me less than the great depression
I guess I haven't learned a lesson from all this oppression.

My math class,
is tougher than catching a 100 pound bass,
my muscle mass decreasing
just like my reasoning
I want to be logical like whats the meaning
of me thinking so much it's demeaning
like an old man singing while drinking
stinging to the minds eye it's way too bright
my sight has gone blind
I wish I could rewind
to 1859 when the world was different
and we were all able to be kind
that's just a guess my minds a mess
full of pests and stresses and guesses
with unimportant messages.
Relentless that's me,
An A is okay but no less than a B.
If I get a C im not trying and a D
man I got to stop being such a G.

This is all Bolognee I want to go *****
im getting lonely
but I am surrounded
my mind is quiet but outside it's violent I am astounded
I guess im well rounded
like the blue berry girl in ***** wonka
they call me wacka flocka of the new york times
I shine through my grind
just kidding im lying,
im lazy as can be because that's how school made me.

Sometimes we sit here choking on pills
doing things that are against our will
some of those things give us chills
down the spine like a line of
******* making us insane straight brain less
i lost my head lost my way
lost my mind i can't stay here
i gotta go back follow my tracks
back to the big yellow brick road
where it's always cold in the dark
i need a spark i'm not smart
if i was i would be figuring
this out by now don't know how
i made it this far seeing stars
right above me the sky is free
no longer on my knees feeling hopelessness
i feel dopelessness nothing to smoke now
i guess that makes me feel happilessness
chugging water from a bottle while drowning
teeth way in the back called crowns
like the one on my frowning head
which is full of worms like kings
steaming drinking brainiac they all called me
freak taking a leak twice a week
speak my mind like i'm always lying
the truth is not real to me
trust issues have hit me like a truck
they say a sentence is seven words
but i cant put them together why
do i sigh when things become difficult
I've never been the type to give
up on things this much the rush
is no longer killing me it heals
all the souls that have been stolen
holding my breath till God rescues me
i quit drinking quit smoking quit fighting
i quit thinking and thinking and thinking
about things that don't matter this day
anxiety takes your breath away don't stay
blow it all away and don't worry
you need to know there's a God
who will save you every single time
from all things in which you dread.
Seven words make a small very sentence.
The shortest ones are the sweetest ones,
Tell the ones you care for everyday
that you love them and hug them
you think you can tell the future
you can, and the truth we all know
is you'll all be gone one day
the last thing you remember shouldn't be
all the regrets you' have ever had.

It follows me,
Every step that I go,
Never leaves me throughout the day,
Sometimes disappears at night,
But once I step under the light,
The evil side of me escapes my body
And hides beneath me,
My shadow.

The disappearance doesn't mean its gone,
It only escapes from me ,
Untamed.
In the absence of light
My shadow surrounds me,
Overwhelms me and causes my pupils to become narrow,
When my eyes magnify the darkness
Nothing can escape my sight.
The darkness is mine,
This time I follow my shadow.

When the light comes piercing through my window as the sun rises,
My shadow wakes up behind me as I stand.
My shadow is small,
My shadow goes through everything
I go through in the day.
As I fall apart from the dreadful experiences
Of the human life,
I am forced to become strong.
Yet my shadow is left untouched, unhurt, unaffected.

Yet, maybe that is needed in order to stick with me.
If it knew human emotion perhaps it would escape.
When I was with her,
She had a shadow too.
When I was with her,
My shadow was paired and it extended itself under the sun.
Now I'm not with her,
Perhaps my shadow feels the tearing away
Of what was once a part of it.

My shadow doesn't boil like i do under the sun,
At night,
My shadow forgets.

Shadow,
Can I be like you?
Lets switch places for a day.
Because in humanity,
Even sleep is not an escape from the nightmares.

Shadow

When you grow up, you grow up with your tree.
Growing up you pick fruit from your tree,
You attach a swing to your tree,
And on your tree you swing everyday.
You get older your tree is your only true friend,
You talk to your tree your tree always listens.
You get a girl friend, you don't see your tree as much.
You have problems your tree is always there for you.
You start to get old, your trees leaves begin to fall.
You die, and everybody knows how much you loved that tree...
So the ones you love decide to build a casket made out of your tree.
You passed away, but you're buried with the ones that lived for you your entire life.

In his life span he joined the Ku Klux ****.
But for Mexicans.
His name was Dan,
With a happy fam.
It seemed he was happy too.
Though he had no clue
What the rest of you felt.

He was just here standing,
Tall and proud,
With a shroud over his head,
Where his mind is dead.

His skin sheds to dust,
When he walks place to place,
Every molecule wasting away.
Tasting dismay yet he doesnt
Feel hes gone astray.

His wife knows hes here to stay.
Remain the same could he ever
Hope he may pull the lever to success
By no means taste the death
Thats what they say
But no one to lead the way.

He looks good in a suit,
His rolex watch too,
Hair due to the max,
Combed nicely slicked
back with wax
Stacks and stacks of his cash
Given to the poor
Even though hes been attacked
And jacked.
He still opens the door,
Not the physical but the one in his heart.
He cares, genuinely.

This is a story of a man
Who seeks to be the best.
Indeed he is
in everything he does
This is a must.
Perfectionalist,
nobody can deny it.
Yet so big headed he sits alone
In his home.
Does not look for trouble,
But always seems to find it.
How can we define it,
Self praise at its finest.

In his attempts to be the best,
Hes lacked being the most patient.
He tries so hard but fails every time.
The most caring,
The most loving.
He tries and tries but fails everytime.
The most respectful the most social,
He tries and tries but fails everytime.
The most likeable the most agreeable,
Anti-politician,
Less based on false intuition.
He tries and tries and fails everytime.

Till one day he came to God,
He said to Him:
"Why oh why am I feeling this way,
So much like a slave to the failures
I make,
Fake ambition with fake success.
What measures does one need to take?
I've been good, but my good lasts
So little.
I've been patient but my patience
Is thin like a string and easy to cut.
I follow all the rules and regulations
Yet feel so forsaken.
The more I eat my body feels weak,
The more I sleep the more weary I am.
The more I drink my body grows
Thirsty.
The more I think the more I am
Confused.
The more I try the more that I fail."

God answered and said:
"Dear son, why have you grown to sad?
You were a happy man now you
Are not so glad.
In your lifespan you've done all good things,
But there's much yet that you still have not seen."

That night he had a dream,
Of a stream flowing down a mountain,
It was clear blue and he knew he was thirsty,
He drank from it and could not believe
What he felt,
There was much joy and happiness
He could not hold it in.
He expressed it in his smile and his heart grew big within.
He expressed it as he jumped,
And expressed it as his eyes shined bright.

He woke up the next day,
A new man
Free from ambition,
And thirst for success.
He no longer felt the need to be the best.
He accepted his familyloved him the way he was,
And his coworkers looked up to him
He stressed himself for nothing.
His friends still seek him,
Cause his friends need him.
He realizes his lifes destiny is not to
Constantly worry about the things he does.
But simply to live.

A human being will always be patient
Temporarily.
A humanbeing will always feel anger
And annoyance.
A human being will always make clumsy
Mistakes.
A human being will never be perfect.
Lets not expect others to be perfect,
If they anger, its okay.
If they're rude, thats okay too.
Who are we to correct someone
Elses kid?
Though our fists may be clenched
And ready,
Or our voices held back ready to yell.
Take a deep breath,
Be happy this person doesn't
Suffer trying to be perfect.
And have a mindset that the days
You fail, they'll forgive you too.

The was once a person whose name was
Jacob,
he thought he had everything worked out in his life,
he was a genius and he didn't care
about love neither did he care about family.
He thought he figured his life out,
he thought he was better than everyone else.
The genius got to his head,
to the point where he thought too much.
He became paranoid thinking everyone was after his ideas.
Ideas that took Einstein and Edison,
to the list of failures in the eyes of the world.

Often enough he would always bump into people,
who gave him advice,
different people different times of the day.
"This is how you should live your life Jacob,
this is how you should talk,
this is how you should dress & behave."
Jacob listened to these people,
and that's what got him where he is today.
Was he lucky?
Would he have been as intelligent as he is if he wouldn't have?
A wise man told him:
"Take a look around Jacob,
Each person you see,
has a story to tell.
Each person bleeds the way you bleed,
each person suffers the way you suffer.
Everyone you see,
has a heart and a soul.
But you see Jacob,
What you can't always see,
is that these people have a problem.
Behind the smiles,
behind the jokes,
& the lauhghter.
Every single one of them has a different problem,
but these problems aren't like simple math equations.
Some are angry, some are sad, some are too happy all
the ******* time and when misery hits them
they're on the verge of suicide because
life suddenly isn't what it seems to be."
"Why are you telling me this old man?" He responded,
"Because you are the same as all these people." Said the wise man.

After the wise man told him this,
Jacob walked away,
got home, sat down and thought about his life in the eyes of others.
He came to the conclusion that he did have a problem,
and it's that all he thinks about is himself,
his successes,
he tries so hard to be a certain person,
but forgets who he really is.
He tries so hard to be better than everyone else,
but when he sees someone who is poor, with clothes that are
wrecked and with a family
he can see that this person is struggling and at that
moment he becomes saddened that these are the people
he looks down upon.
Jacob then sits down on his bed,
lays his head on his pillow and continues to think until he falls asleep.

That same night Jacob had a dream.
He was naked with no clothes,
hungry with no food.
Starving and around him there were people eating each other because
the world had been overcome by disease
and all the animals have died because of this.
Everywhere he looked there was death,
he looked at the ocean and it was covered in blood,
the skies covered by all the smoke from the fires around him.
The rich kicked out the poor and made cities for themselves
and their family.
Jacob was scared and did not know what to do until a Canibal
slashed his neck with a machete.

He then woke up,
breathing heavily asking himself
what the **** did i just dream ?
When he woke up he couldn't go back to sleep,
it was 4 in the morning ,
he went out and went to the place where he met the old man.
He saw the old man,
homeless and hungry,
he saw they was a nearby gasoline station,
he went in and got him a sandwich,
he handed it to the poor old wise man,
and the wise man said:
"I don't need your pity,
and i don't desire to be taken care of by those
who put down others because of what they look like,
go away."
"Wait a minute, i know now what you meant i had a dream
where i saw people suffering and chaos.
I saw a family who was poor the other day but they were still happy, why were they smiling?" asked Jacob,
The poor old wise man responder,
"What you see in your dream is only a tiny picture of reality,
whatever is in our mind could one day become true. The reason
those people were smiling is because they may not have
all the money in the world, they may not even have a roof over their head or a pillow to sleep on. But they are happy to be alive and together,
in this condition it's when you hold on dearly to your own life and the lives
of the people you love because it could be stripped away
from you one day. When you have all the money in the world, what will
there be next? Money doesn't make you unhuman, you will be the same exact person as these people are, with a problem, you'll still bleed the same as everyone else, you'll smile and frown the same as everyone else,
but who is the weak one, the one who was poor, became rich, kept his money and has ever only thought about himself, or the one who was rich
and gave all his money to those in need until he became poor?"

Jacob then realized that this is what this man had done.

When I was little I remember my parents telling me all these ******* stories,
how they did the things they did and what happened later on.
I told my mom you know what I don't got time for these lectures,
and you're wrong I will never fall apart cause' i'm hard as a rock.
Dad, I don't give a **** about the fights or arguments you had,
It doesn't matter to me how your father left you either.
I'm a young man, and i'm well respected.
So then it came to a point where they gave up & left it.
Then it ended with me locked up like a skunk in a cage,
Feeling so much pain from punching these walls.
It's all because the halls,
that i gotta worry about everything I do.
I can't do what I enjoy cause i'm always paranoid.


When I was in I felt like my life was destroyed,
and now I avoid any officer that walks by me.
My parents always said,
Don't be scared son just always be prepared,
but how am I not supposed to be scared now if somebody's got a shotgun pointed to my baby brother's head.
Suddenly I understood sometimes you even gotta be prepared for the day of your death.

I took for granted of what they said, and now I can see it.
I was born a baby in diapers,
and now I look at myself and I am a disaster.
A fixed one now with not even a frown,
but a smile and I no longer feel like a clown.

Decision making,
eyes shaking,
earth quaking,
life taking,
high staking,
things that we love.

Things that we love,
they're better when they're free,
some love expensive,
some love subjective
none love objective
limited,
their love,
intangible,
their love.

Their love, intangible.
How to get it,
who knows.

Who knows,
if we suppose that we all have a heart.
Does everyone feel the same beat?
Do we notice when we're frozen?
Is there a doctor to tell us we have trouble,

The Doctor is here,
"Paul Reever,
have you any fear?
They say you speak ill things
they see your need for belonging."

Da Vinci is here,
"I opened you up,
the human heart should be soft,
tender,
warm.
Your heart is hard,
cemented,
cold."

The Priest is here,
"Demented,
legion receiving
fiend with insides screamin'.
60% water,
a human is,
60% evil,
your being within."

Knock, knock,
my name is dark,

what a shame to claim the fame of pride
insane it drives
bee hives done with lives
sharp knives fill the night skies

flying down when it rains
ending your pain with a strange
bolt of lightning
worth the sight seeing
it's enticing
that all this writing
is enough to stop the fighting

my imagination,
if it were to come true,

perhaps a better ending would start befriending
the sense of purpose
so condescending lack of vending
when it comes to sending
red lips
dismissed

Love,
they say.
Humans get away.
Portrayed with materialism,
all of it is grim.

How does it feel,
knowing that you live in a world where cancer is dominating & destroying the people you care for,
How does it feel,
living in a world that will one day burn to the ground by fires.
How does it feel,
knowing that most of the people you see everyday have an STD
that you cant even see?
How does it feel,
knowing that one day  you will have to fight for food to provide for your family.
We live in a world where movie theaters are being assaulted
and many people are killed by those with psychotic illnesses.
We live in a world where it becomes common to see signs of people
missing everyday.
We live in a world where we hear news stories about a man who
is high off bath-salt eating the face off another man.
And these stupid people start believing that there is such thing as zombies.
How does it feel to be so aware of everything all the ******* time.
You don't know what it feels like,
you don't know that you are being devoured by everything around you.
They say it's all in your mind,
you must be seeing things then.
They say the way you think is not normal,
you must be special then.
I don't care about the world,
and you can't do anything change it.
How does it feel to be helpless?
You tell me.
Because i want to make this world worse than it already is,
I want to make these nightmares real,
so that you can see what i see.
Can you see it now?
You're the exact same as Me..

Minds - troubled,
needles in the brain - doubled,
thousand times - stumbled,

Words without meaning so misleading
consequences of seeing demons
and looking for reasons
to please legions
of unthankful spirits

Holocaustic thoughts belong in a box,
locked away;
Judgemental attitudes are supplemental
be careful because they're contagious;
An ill mind rages only to do what it's trained to.

****** first started with a disease,
it's called gossip.
But the world can't see that the things they breathe
out from their teeth goes into the atmospheric breeze
and it's not just carbon dioxide it's more like monoxide for the soul.

Destroyers of one another they are,
an alien race once said.
Rob from one another they do.
**** each other they do.
Help each other, what's the point?

KIlled one, helped another,
Do they only defend their brothers?
Got killed, tried to protect.
Now they end the same as them?
Only accept few, can't accept all.

Confused, what's on the news,
the soul of ****** going at it again.
If what's on the news is true
is there a God or a heaven?
7/11 robbed, twin towers bombed, only thing to do is revenge.

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth
Spoof.
Two evils don't do a good
Goof.
Evil genius way too lenient.

They end with solutions that cause more problems,
in order to find more problems in the next 10 seconds
they all recon on the other being defeated
don't want to be judged yet they judge
Bring the Supreme Court judge let's prepare her sentence.
Remove her head,
Call us the Reverants.

Death.

Some people are crazy,
Some people have self control.
Those who struggle for self control
Are crazy in their own mind.
No one could see it,
And now a days people could only understand What they see.
The only problem is they are blind,
Their amount of patience is killing them.
Be patient, and let things come to you.
Be patient, and let everyone else eat off your plate.
Be patient, and give whatever is left to others.
So that you will have nothing left,
And be patient,
Because if you aren't, you will come to the mentality where no one will cone to help you.
I guess in this world,
We cant help but to let ourselves think that even our own family will let us starve.

It's a ****** feeling to come to think this far,
It's a ****** feeling to give and deny yourself.
Isn't it ******,
How we can be so selfishly aware of the way we feel?
For that reason,
**** the way I feel,
And also **** everyone.
Because when there's nothing left on your plate and you have nothing left to give,
They will in no doubt feed off you like cannibals,
Until you have nothing left to lose.
And What will you say?
"I'm trying to understand these people."

Ask yourself What this story is about,
ask yourself what the moral is,
And you will become afraid of the reality,
You will deny your thoughts,
And you will tell me I'm wrong.

If you come to the conclusion that people will only keep taking,
And your patience is too much,
Then you are the same as I am.
The same as everyone else.

As the same as they do,
You will take from their plate,
And when there's nothing left you will eat them,
Because of your selfishness.
If this world was any different people would be offering you to take of their plate every single day,
Would you?
or will you make the decision to keep hanging on to your pride,
If so.. go ahead.
Keep trying to understand.


"

Three years ago..Sleeps

I see simple things,
Things we wish weren't so simple.
Maybe people just wish they weren't so crippled,
In our minds we feel 1000 years old.
In our hearts we can only grow so much.
With every heartbeat we seem to dry up on the inside.  
Whenever our heart skips we seem to feel there's something missing.
We hide, and we hide.
You aren't hidden,
I can see right through you.
I used to see your weaknesses,
But now I'm just as blind as you are.
Maybe I'm the only one whose hiding,
Maybe I'm the one whose scared,
Maybe I'm just a ******* *****,
Maybe I replace that **** with hate.
Maybe I am some cocky ******* who is over confident and self centered.
Maybe I am, or will always be somebody you look down on no matter what.
The only problem is,
How would it feel to have your knees broken by this person,
And you can't help But to look up and say, "I'm sorry, I was wrong."
the thing is, I don't need your apology.
These people are a joke,
And it's okay because they'll end up choking on their tongue.
My wife told me,
"It's alright to be mean sometimes,"
it's either I took that too seriously or she didn't know what she was saying,
The next week she said I'm not the same person she fell in love with three years ago.
So I say I didn't think there was such thing as love at that time.
And it all happened three years from now,
And three years later
I guess I'm back in the same place I was,
Three years ago.
Still no such thing.

Care for me is sacrafice, but how is it sacrifice ?
it is sacrifice because it is something you offer to people,
some people give it to few, others give it to many.
But everytime that happens, you are sacraficing something regardless.
To care for someone is to deny yourself,
(pay very close attention to this)**
To care for someone is to not expect anything back from them.
To care for someone isn't something you do to get something from them, some people just can't see when someone is caring for them
some people are blinder than others.
This is why some have glasses and some don't.
Who every said the heart and the mind don't need glasses also ?
If you care for someone, and you try showing that person that you care for them.  You are allowing them to take advantage of it,
you are allowing them to experience it.  Allowing them to take more from you, as much as they need as much as they want.
And the reason you care, or the reason you should care is because you are patient enough to do it.
Why is there people with good hearts? And people whose hearts have become cold ?

That time of day where your mind plays tricks on you,
It has you thinking you love a person when it just can't be,
Even as you go to sleep there is someone in mind,
But lately it has just been the same one,
And you go about your day wondering why you keep thinking of them.
From the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep,
You ask yourself and you ask yourself.
Go ahead and try to convince yourself that you no longer have feelings for them,
Convince yourself that by talking to them it will only make things worse for you,
And convince yourself that you are happy just the way things are.
As your heart starts to fall apart by the end of the day and your mind is weakened,
You're getting ready to pray,
As you're kneeling at the side of the bed you say in your head:
Why God, why is this person in my mind?
Take these thoughts away, make them all erase.
As it comes time to lay down in your bed.
You remind yourself how happy you were when you were with them,
And by the end of the day,
The memory of them helps you sleep in peace,
Then at the end of the day,
You realize you could have had a lot worse and tonight you know who will be in your mind.
At the end of the day. Sleep,