Twilight.
Late at night.
Beautiful sight.

She blinks.
Heels in her hand, mascara flakes onto her rosey cheeks.
Swaying,
Secretly praying,
Silently in her mind.
Even more silently in her heart.
Who knows what of?
Who cares?

She thinks.
These are the best days of her life.
At least that's what they told her.
Eighteen,
Singing Springsteen,
Loudly in the streets.
Drunk and disorderly,
Who knows who she'll meet?
And who cares?

Maybe that was
why I was
so afraid
to lose you.
You were
the only calm in
the chaotic
rumblings and mumblings
in my head.
You offered
warmth in the middle of
a torrential downpour.
In my life filled of
confusion and indecision,
things made sense.
You made sense.
We made sense.

Until we didn't.

I’d ‘ever be your tree,
     Come the pull of your arm.
I’d ‘ever be your tree,
     Come the push, two gentle feet.
I’d ‘ever be your tree,
     Come the wind, come the rain.
And’d ‘ever be your tree,
     Come beginning, come the end.
Son, I promise, I’d ‘ever be your tree.
     So roots spoke, “the leaves never die.”

1945

when the word flits off their tongue

a b u s i v e

it will taste like 3 days gone sour

like the lick of a catch before sacrificial slaughter you will caress

it and bury it in the backyard

you will let their lips cradle your neck like a baby while the ship slips under

slowly, willing


they

laugh you off like an old acquaintance

burn curses into you

make you pay sorry as toll tax till the end of time how could you have been

so

destructive my sweet nymph

my eternal beam of light they will laugh you off as a lying child tried like a old witch


your last lover, the one before she

the one you still choke on every time you purge your body

clean of the sin of nutrition

tells you that you and them were not inherently bad

but together an abuser's tale

do substances take responsibility for the damage they

cause together?

did the two uranium nuclei know they would call their honeymoon hiroshima

how atomic the love must have been

and oh, baby

how so catastrophic




the consequence.

The chances of being
a regular chap in education
I have failed to avail,
I have missed I must say
But there was no sign
in my life of any success
Anything good
would have been happened...

Now a days, I am suffering
with super frustration
What really would
I do in my future,
All the potential
of my learning & gaining
To be a standalone fellow
is going to be reduced one by one!

No one is at my side
and nothing productive
happens around me...
It’s quite dark everywhere,
wall and wall so high
I’m almost finished
and it’s hard to capture
The gone wind but
I am trying my best to recover...

To rediscover the gap
I have created by myself
I am super lonely
in my way of life,
perhaps I am cynic...
And the people I am engaged with
are not so helpful and friendly
All the way they act
so competitively, thinking of their own only...

I am in vain my lord
and I know not what’s
in my store really...
I wish If I could get
any fair chance in my country!
But my lord, there are so many
unfair means in social or political dealings,
It’s quite ridiculous
and I realize it a way out system of our society...

One major thing
I feel inside that I must bring myself
Out from the darkness now
I am bearing with me
The most lashing thing
is the loneliness & friendless
environment all around
My parents are still alive
but they can’t help me as I need...

Then all I do have effectively
is me only, my dear roadrunners  
The growing myself in me
whom I did never try to find
I have no one for myself
except me,
I was blindfolded  
I start now depending on myself,
better late than never...

All the dreams and high hopes
will reduce to dust uselessly
If I leave myself
if I misunderstand myself,
if I underestimate myself
So many occasions
I did the mistakes feeling helpless ,
Oh me...!
But in the most next minute
I get the power of myself in me to live like a man

Critical reality has taught me
to speak to myself, it’s a chance
Like a human in the world
full chances to live with rice & respect
I am no more helpless
for I am now with myself and precisely
An invisible flutist is everywhere
with me as well watching me ...



© 2015 Mohammad Anwar Parvez Shishir