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Its a given that eventually I'll mess up,
beside all the misery, I'll always fill your cup.

But,

I'm afraid to rupture your fragile heart
It frightens me that your love would someday depart
forever in love
~F
Our lives were always
so interconnected,
so entwined.

Despite her years
of pain
and suffering,
her concern
for my wellbeing
was always
evident.

Since her death
my own health
has
miraculously
improved.
I am fitter now
than I have been
for years.

This morning
I awoke
to the most absurd
thought:
did she die
that I might live?
I always feel sentimental when it rains,
So, on sad days like this I leave the house without an umbrella.

With my headphones in,
listening to our favourite songs,
I walk past your old house.
Or the cheap restaurant we always went to.
Just so I can let my heart feel close to you again.
I must be so pathetic.

but when the rain stops
You will exist only as another memory.
So, I embrace the droplets on my skin,
Even if I do catch a cold.

On sad days like this I cannot help but wonder
if it’s raining where you are,
if you think of me.

So, until the next time it rains, we walk our own paths.
Sometimes I wake up and start crying.
Though, for a split second, I forget why.
I do not recall the day or time, or reasons… I am merely alive.
I find myself cherishing this moment because briefly I am at peace. But it does not last long, it can’t.
My feeling of absence nervously awaits until the painful sensation drags me down, embraces me with all its force, then retreats.
I am left alone, stuck.
But I am alive… I  am alive, aren’t I?
No this is all in my head, right?
It’s almost as if my mind keeps searching for something. For someone.
regardless of how much I avoid the truth, it always comes down to y o u.
I spend my days waiting, but the vivid sensation of loss continues to linger.
love;            why are you not in hearts anymore?
feelings;      do you even exist anymore?
kindness;    why have you left me alone?
sadness;      do you not leave me so I wont atone?
life;              why do you have to be so unfair?
fate;             do you have to act so cruel?
calm;           why are you only there in the Chaos?
sorrow;       will i ever let you go?
happiness;  haven't felt you around lately...
grief;           don't leave me, I've grown fond of you greatly...
tears;           I'm sorry, you'll have to hide forever...
smiles;        forgive me for faking you, to conceal all the terror...
eyes;            please stop screaming my soul's secrets...
heart;           let it all go and lets save your pieces

soul;            you are there, but are you alive?
"me;   can i yell everything out?"
random words
A parking spot is a location
A mug is just a cup
Why am I fixating
On things that don't mean that much
A shirt is not a statement
But these things are adding up
And I am captivated by
Someone who doesn't give a ****
I think I'm losing my mind
It's all up in the air
Our days were numbered from the start
And I don't know why I care
You're still driving me crazy
You insinuated things you wouldn't dare
You crossed every line I drew
Making me fall in love was never fair
06/19/2018
the silence of the night
it keeps me awake
waiting for you at my bed side
oh it makes me ache

the silence of the night
the absence of your scent
i want you at an eyesight
empty space is a torment
all of you
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