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Mikaail Sep 2017
Have you ever heard?
of the trusty old nerd?

He worked all day long,
Nothing went wrong
But without a friend,
things come to an end
Things needed to change,
At least that he could arrange.
He varied his looks,
ditched his books
Changed his words,
forgot about surds.
Tried a different crowd
though they could get quite loud.
Cut his hair
though few were aware
Desperately trying to keep up the fight.

But nobody cared

So he disappeared...
Mikaail Jun 2017
Anxiety
such a fickle thing
most people
have

NO

idea
I'm even wondering

right now

What do they all THINK?

Even        this     seems hard
Expressing          yourself is HARD
life is              WORSE
life is a  CHORE

To ME
this looks      like        Absolute ****

I'm SORRY
I'm not what you expected...
Mikaail Jul 2017
My eyes snap open:
I am walking
not by choice
for I am weighted down
it lurks behind me
every second
of every day.

People stare
and goggle at me
tongues throw knives
"Why are you so strange?"
some miss entirely
"Why can't you be normal?"
others hit home.

Doubt is constantly,
relentlessly,
gnawing at my brain
How?
Why?
When?
Too many questions

What if all I ever do,
when light recedes
Is stare up at the ceiling
And drown in the past
When I think I've come up for air
I find a crashing wave of nightmares
That shoves me further down.

I do not understand
I lack perfect vision
Yet it is not I
that cannot see clearly
Even when the trees
***** at my eyes like needles

Nothing stops the pain
no matter how hard I try
I cannot escape
No matter how hard I try
No matter how far I get.
I end up
Closer than ever before

One day
I will be too tired
to keep going.
It will consume me.
And I will be lost.
Forever.              I Am Sorry
Mikaail Jun 2017
Despite what most people think.
You can be dead while alive.
Yes I know,
crazy right?

Wrong.

In all honesty,
it doesn't happen
to everyone.
In fact,
most don't even know.

Here's my account:
It started slowly.
I was fine.

Something happened.

I got hurt.
I was scarred.
Things didn't get
better.
I got worse.
Then things started dying
Inside.
Where I couldn't see.

Soon enough,
things meant nothing.
Heart
Head
Skin
Blood
Thoughts

It's so easy to pretend.
Mikaail Jun 2017
Hello.
Goodbye.
They see nothing.
I feel nothing.

How are you?
I am fine.
When did that ever matter?
Mikaail Sep 2017
I used to run once,
now I just walk,
I used to care once,
I doubt I ever will.
I used to smile once
I still smile...

Maybe I'm no longer the person you used to know

You'd think I'd have known better
than to listen to people.

But I never said that I knew myself
And my body is a cage
With no way out.

I'd like to leave
Please

Yet my thoughts are restrained
by my skin.

I'm always tearing
and ripping and
scratching at it.

I just keeps growing back.
Sad
Mikaail Jun 2017
Sad
Hey.
Hi.
Hello.

I am not
Okay.

I want to disappear.

I look at myself in the mirror
or I struggle to
the way people find it hard
to look at
mistakes

There's the urge to erase,
to leave no marks or traces behind.

While the world continues to revolve.

Without.
Me.
Mikaail Jun 2017
Take off this mask
of flesh and smiles
moulded by tears
And
see me for
who I am
Myself

Put me under the stars
And Read Me
from the inside out
see me for my soul
Alone
Mikaail Jun 2017
I don't get vision
Yeah
Sure
I've studied science too

Light through pupil
Image flipped
Produced on retina

But here's the thing?
I don't see the light
I see nothing but darkness
There is nothing ahead
except
the Void

Nothingness.
Mikaail Jun 2017
Let's talk about skin...
Is it?.. a part of my body?
Or more than that?

All a matter of
Interpretation.

Some people think of skin
as
Fragile and easily scarred
Like mine.

Wrapping paper
that decorates
your heart and
Soul.

There are some
with skin
So Tough:
It is impossible to leave marks

I yearn for such skin
where the impressions of cruelty
are unable
to stick
to stay
to ravage
How much more damage
can my skin sustain?
Before it yields
and I spill out.
All over the
Cold
Hard
Floor.
Mikaail Jun 2017
Shut  up!
     Just shut up!
Sew up the lips
Tear out the tongue
Shut your mouths
You have no right to speak
You have no idea
What do you know?
Mikaail Jun 2017
I sit
alone
in the Sun
its rays pass through me
I am transparent.

I feel people's eyes on me
every day
but to them
I am glass
they see nothing but my smile
don't let it end there.

Maybe we should shed some light
on the situation
things happen
people talk
and everything
goes to ****.
light glass
Mikaail Sep 2017
As I write this
right here,
right now,
Tears are flowing down my face.

I don't mean,
to sound overdramatic,
but sometimes,
all that unpredictability

it can be
extremely
overwhelming

Control is just an illusion
the world spirals
in and out
of focus.

I've done something
I regret
I am so sorry
This is all

my fault.
Mikaail Jun 2017
I woke up
Today (so tired)
And I’m…
Not sure what
I’m doing (so very tired)
But I think,
I am thinking?

Am I thinking?
What’s my name?
Who am I?
Why?
What’s the point?
Why am I here?
Can I leave now?

Only
A
Few
Long
Painful
Relentless
Hours till escape

Not rest
Exactly
Just…
Absence
A necklace of rope
Too many down the hatch
Too easy

Sometimes it’s
Better
To be kept
In the dark
Safer and Quieter
Safer but Colder
Safer but Alone

Somewhere where
Light
Doesn’t shine
Doesn’t reveal
Doesn’t destroy
Can I go to sleep now?

A path of words
Thoughts, Choices
Millions and Millions of doors
Which to go through
Who knows?

Put me under the stars
And see me
For who I am
Myself
Alone

Take off this mask
Of smiles
And grins
This suit of armour
That guards
The soul

Sure,
Being trapped
Inside
One’s own mind
Can be
Quite lonesome
But
Has anyone ever wondered
What lurks inside?

I am a breathing contradiction
I am here but
I am insignificant.
I am alive but
Dead inside

Hiding in the dark
Yet
Living in the light

Alone.
Mikaail Jun 2017
Yesterday I tried,
Today I'm trying,
Tomorrow I will try again.

How many times do I have to fail before I give up entirely?

I want it to stop,
but it's not that easy.
People say it is,
but they know
Nothing

It's like you're drowning,
but
breathing
air fills your lungs
but each breath is a chore.

Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale. Exhale.
Inhale
Exhale
Stop.

Just stop.

I think I've made myself very clear.

But no one came to stop me.

I am tired
of trying.

Trying hurts.
Because I am not good enough.
And I never will be.

That's the end of it.
There's nothing more to say.
Tub
Mikaail Jun 2017
Tub
One day I gave up.
Gave
Up
Nothing more nothing less.
I was done
Done with the world.
Done with life.
All hope in people gone.
Only one thing left.
Run the tub.
Climb in.
Regret what happened.
Take the Razors
Slice
Slice
Slice
Blood is running down my arms.
The water is turning pink.
A tub of blood.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Goodbye...
Mikaail Sep 2017
What comes to mind
when we think of weapons?
A knife?
A gun?
A bomb?

We've got idiots firing missiles
at each other
left and right,
They seem to have forgotten what
the real weapons are:
Words.

Sure I bet you're wondering.
how much damage
can a word do?
A lot actually...

Forged inside the mind,
Perfected by the brain,
Tipped with emotion
and
Sharpened by the tongue
Fired from the mouth.

I'm not saying all words
are weapons,
some are soft and gentle,
they should be treasured,
they help you to see
what little good is left in this world.

But I am telling you now,
there are words in existence,
that tear you apart,
like wrapping paper,
hoping for a surprise.
Luckily for me, there's not much left.

It takes a minute to make someone's day
And a single word to destroy someone's life.

— The End —