we had one night
and it came and went like a wave on the shore
with nothing to show,
except what you and i know to be true

we had one night, just one
five entire years in the making
when we existed entirely at a precipice –
hot breath on my neck (yours) fingers inching up my sleeve (yours)
the suspense was killing me

we had one night
one night when everything could have changed
and i suppose it did,
because we haven’t spoken in a year
i don’t think i’ve gone a day without wondering how you are

i hope you’re happier,
i hope you’re found what you were looking for,
that unnameable thing you tried and failed to find in me that night

i hope we meet again

i also hope we don’t,
i know you understand

I abandoned you,
and we are still not talking.
Maybe it just hurts;

I fall in love fast,
but this distance was hard to
acknowledge at first.

I knew we couldn’t
satisfy each other so
I had left in shame.

Then I was *******
strangers to fill a void where
I tore out all love.

Someone read my soul.
You know I don’t believe in
spiritual ****,

but it was gorgeous.
I read myself as something
that you wouldn’t want.

I tried to find me,
but getting closer to me
was further from you.

I acted like it
was okay to keep you on
a string, just because

that’s how I felt too.
Second hand, second rate, I
wasn’t good enough.

But now I can see.
This fight to be important,
to feed my ego?

Rotten perfection.
I offered you something I’m
incapable of.

I’m hurt and sorry.
I’m not a lover… **** I’m…
not even a friend.

I’ve never been good.
My father, my mother, you,
I just cut things out.

My ex-girlfriend, or
my oldest friends, my brother.
I’m cut full of holes.

I’ve kept people here
Long as I could lie to them.
I’m not lying now.

I was happy to
pull a new honesty out,
but I lied to you.

You attacked me and
I deserved it completely.
I had just forgot.

Maybe it still hurts,
I’m numb in my fingertips.
I abandoned you.