Smoke
clouding
our minds
Filling
our skies with
choking gray
We run
from the flames,
but they're always in sight

Clear skies
feel like
a figment in my mind,
Lost memories
from when I was
still so small
Bright blues
and prismatic hues
to make youth shine

I dream
of embracing
the colors of my past
Magic and joy
to guide me through
the choking storm,
Hope and love
to lead me to
the wonderous future

He asks me to keep him alive
And after his voice has faded away,
I close my eyes, and imagine him gone
My soul is immediatelying torn to shreds
I do not wish to see him dead,
For his voice to be absent from the world
If I could not see those great brown eyes,
Well how could I live, if not here for him?
If he is gone, who am I?
Empty, lost, alone
I would be a shell of me, and that's if I could even go on
No, I do not wish the see him dead
The simple thought tears my soul to shreds.

I will be your Earth
When you need stability,
Your Water when you need clarity,
Your Air when you need to breathe,
And your Fire when you need to live and love.
I will be your Sun and Moon
to guide you through life,
And I will be your stars in the dark night
To bring you hope.

When I woke up,
my fish was dead.
His eyes were dull,
and his soul had fled.
I didn't wonder, I didn't cry,
I didn't sit and wonder why
Why did that dumb fish
have to die?

He will not swim
Nor does he float
Instead he sits
like a sunken boat
It seems that belly-up
is not true
He dies just the same
as me and you

There’s a lot of emotion
hiding here
that no one is aware of —
there’s so much heartache, so much pain,
that makes me feel every decision was made in vain.

I’m so tired
of the past,
of things I’d rather just forget.
I’m choking on memories
and drowning in nostalgia.

It’s thinking of him that makes me feel alive again.

The ocean,
So calm just yesterday,
Is now roiling and gray, dark gray,
Almost ink-black
The waves stretch their tips towards the sky
Screaming “Why?!”
I feel it, they want to devour me.

It hurts to see your name,
and know how quickly you cut me off -
but I suppose it allows me to move on
and find my happiness elsewhere.

Oh! What is this,
What have you done to me?
It’s like I’m addicted
To the smell of you,
The feel of you,
Hands on my waist and your lips on mine;
And when I’m away,
Filled with the thought of you,
Longing pierces my chest
So that I cannot sleep
Without imagining you by my side
Holding me close and keeping me
Safe and warm in your arms;
It;s where I’d like to stay forever,
Safe and warm in your arms.

At first the
blade’s slice is slow,
But I quickly realize
that it’s much better
to make quick strikes
across my skin.
I lose myself
in the sound it makes,
the satisfaction of each
red line.
I suddenly cap the blade
and toss it away
and let the tears roll down my face.
What have I become?
I hate myself.

Tell me why
I shiver
and I shake
Tell me why my heart trembles
in my chest
Why must I live
in a such a fragile state of mind?
Anything could set me off, make me
EXPLODE
Why must I be
porcelain?

Well, here I’ve gone and done it again
I’ve gone and broken my promise again
I’m so sorry, soul mate, I broke my promise again
And I hate the ******* pain of it
And I’m trying not to cry as I remember:

standing in the shower looking at the razor blade
it leers at me as hot water pours over my skin
and the demon in my mind laughs and rears its head
“You silly little girl, do you really think
you can just avoid it?
Go ahead, pick it up
It’s what you want, isn’t it?
You sad, sick little girl,
watching you struggle gives me such a thrill;
Now take up that blade
And let the silver bite
The taste of blood will haunt you all night.”
No, no, no
I keep thinking no
cowering against the shower wall
I keep saying no even as I watch
my trembling hand reach out towards that razor
stupidfuckingrazorihateyousomuch
it’s in my hand, it’s touching my skin
the metal bites, the blood rolls again
Oh, god, I broke my promise again
Oh, god, I have to tell him this again

I have to tell you this again:
I broke my promise, and I don’t know why
Maybe I’m possessed, and the demon just won’t die
And I’m so sorry I’ve hurt you
So sorry I broke your trust
Shining silver pieces stained with blood
My tears fall to wash away the blood
(I wish they would fall, oh, I wish they would fall)
And there’s something in me that’s about to explode
A swirling tornado about to wreck everything I’ve ever known
Quick, hide! Before it steals you away
Don’t let it take you away from me
Oh god, oh god, I just want to cry
Because I don’t know why these demons won’t die
I don’t know why they just want me to die

I  
WON’T
DIE
so **** the demons
They can make me bleed and cry
but I will not just ******* die
I have a soul mate who needs me to live
I still have so much in me to give
And they will not break me
I will bend and I will scream
I will cry and I will bleed
But I will not break, no
I won’t break

**I still have a life to live.

Suddenly
there is too much
noise
And I cannot
think
Every word is a
dagger
Loudly piercing my
ears
It
hurts
and
I
want
to
SCREAM
at the words
and
shatter them
in midair
and
let the pieces rain
down
They'll glitter in the dim
light
and become something
beautiful

My heart still kick-starts
when I think of a snowy yesterday.
It was cold, and we shivered,
but we were still warm because of our love.
Soft kisses were concealed by the hoods
of designated ***** sweatshirts,
And the sounds of laughter and love
bounced off the walls of bustling homes.
I saw myself reflected in the shining brown of your eyes,
starshine melting my heart.
And our souls combined
for the millionth time
and I was lost
and you were lost
in you and me.

This is me
This is who I am
I am Sky
A music-obsessed
totally insane
Linkin Park fan
with a monster screaming in her brain.
Maybe I'll actually live to be an adult
Or maybe I'll off myself tomorrow
Maybe I'll live a long life with my soul mate
Or maybe I'll die young and leave him stumbling in my wake

I feel like eveyone is watching me
When there's no reason for them to even notice that I'm there
I am always afraid
And always prepared
I am on the edge of a cliff
Maybe someone's noticed
But I don't think anyone really cares

I wield a sword built from words
But I fear that it will shatter
And punture my heart to leave me bleeding

I am not noticeable,
but people have noticed me
I am not heard,
but people have listened to me.

A lot of people look down on me,
But I act like I don't care
When, really, I hate it.

I am not a waste of space
I have a reason, a worth, a purpose
I will keep stretching to reach my dreams
Even when people pull me down

I am emo(tional).
I am depressed.

This is me.
This is me

I can't even find words for this.

It's not right.

I don't know how to


I just have to breathe.
Crying makes that hard, though.

There's too many thoughts.
Questions.
Regrets.

I tell myself,
don't regret.
Nothing will change.

But the thoughts won't go.

Keep breathing.

Keep
breathing.

i'm trying to tell you
yes
i'm trying to banish your fear of
no
but you cannot seem
to hear it.

The high school world is strange,
full of things I just don't understand;

Girls wear dresses to school,
baring their knees in 20-degree weather
How are they not shivering
in their thin little sweaters?

Showing off your underwear
isn't attractive anywhere
So why do the guys insist
on forgetting their belts?

And what is the point
of punishing us all
when one person broke a nose
and another pulled out his phone?

I just don't understand
vanity over comfort
and feeling cool over looking decent
and public over private

It's a strange world here
in high school.

The firmness of reality
is dissolving in my hands
I'm losing my grip on this, the truth
and it's hard to keep my feet planted
firmly on the concrete of what's known
But somehow I am standing in quicksand,
no longer solid gray stone
I'm not sure what is happening here,
I don't why I'm slipping away
But I hope someone can catch me
Before I vanish with the day.

It is your fear
which has saved my life;
That is the purpose of fear, I suppose:
It keeps a person safe
So that they may live another day,
and so that their soul mate
won’t be left alone and hollow
With no one left to fear for.

Fall from the highest clouds
Back into the chill of reality
Land flat on your back, break your spine
Receive the shock of your life
Wish you didn't have to feel the pain
But know you must accept it when it comes
Bear the burden of life carefully
You must never let it fall
To let it fall would be to let darkness consume you
Pull you into forever sleep
Never let you wake
And if you somehow do wake
You won't be warm ever again
Your heart will be frozen
Skin cold to touch
You will have no thoughts of light
So don't let the weight of life fall
You are not the only one in pain
Seek the sun, but do not fall
Unless you can be sure that you will not fall.

Sing to me
a little lullaby.
I just need your voice
and then I’ll be able to sleep.
Hold me close,
and just before I drift away,
I’ll ask that you never let go.

What is this you are doing to me?
I swear this is pure insanity;
My heart feels like a fluttering bird,
Catch it in your hands
And soothe it with just a single word.

I'm so tired
of hurtling towards
an ending written
far too soon.

Hey, you!

Yeah, you with the eyes you thought were brown
until I gazed in and found that they are hazel.

Remember when
movie buddies
became
more?
When we shared a bed for
the first time
with only the intent to sleep
but then
you rolled over and I rolled over
and magnets formed in
our lips

sweet kiss

You
are
boisterous blonde curls
soft lips
endless laughter
warm hugs
subtle and strong

"The sky is so beautiful tonight!"

**"Yes, she is."

Raw, raw, raw
What am I? Raw
A fountain of untamed emotion
Held inside like wind in a bottle
What a I? I am a disappointment,
but aren’t we all?
I’m not quite sure why
I lie here and I cry
as I consider the time,
or the lack of it
We all lose time, it slips
out of our hands like grains of sand
So why do I lie here and cry
over it, over my dwindling time
with you, which has now been cut short
by doubts and suspicions?
Because I am human,
a victim of time and lies and emotion
And because you are, too.

i am scared
i am so, so scared
and i don't know what to do
i don't know how to stop it
the fear, the pain
i don't know a way
to get away
that will keep me
alive
not dying inside
not lifeless outside
still breathing and walking and talking
and living
i dont know how

someone please help me

i'm scared.

Notes are spinning

through my head;

I need a way to

let them out

But those notes

drown out

the memories of

cruel words

that try to tear me apart

with my own hands.

So I will

let the songs play on

and save me from

being lost.

i.
It burns, it grows,
It threatens to devour me;
I can see why love is often compared to a flame.

ii.
Soft and gentle, this
kiss ignites a thousand flames;
My soul is ablaze.

iii.
It is a hunger, a burning desire,
And it is sweetness, soft comfort
All at once - how can this be?

v.
Whisper those bright words
to light up my dark gray sky;
Show me a new light.

iv.
This does not make a lick of sense,
This shatters everything i’ve known;
The fairytales are true, after all.

iiv.
I wonder if you
can see what you’ve done to me;
I am now awake.

Last November, you gave me your heart
But a year to the day, you took it away
This year, to spare all the tears,
I'll save mine for someone special
But, baby, all I want for Christmas...
is you.

Leave a trail of butterflies
on my skin
with your kisses
We'll watch together
as the vibrant wings catch fire
And our lips meet in a storm of flame.

Reflections roll down the window;
They look like cartoon teardrops
running down a pale, flat face.

Moonlight shimmering
on the diamond snow

Lamplight piercing
a teardrop

A chest buzzing with
emotions unknown

I cannot close my eyes
for I am stuck here

I can’t focus, I can’t think,
I can’t hear anything over

The ringing in my ears—
when did that start?

I just want to sleep but
there’s too much noise

In the silence of post midnight
as I lie alone with emptiness

Filling my soul and numbing
my heart again, no, why

Must this happen now when
I need to be strong for

The future and the now and
the hope of better things

I inhale stale breath and
exhale false dreams

I lie in a nest of sorrow
and the feathers of broken wings

I would love to try and fly
but the world holds me back

So I lie here trapped under
Plath’s bell jar, suffocating

Let me breathe, let me love,
let me be warm again

******,
I can’t hold on to anything

Everyone keeps running away,
leaving me to suffer—

No wonder I’m so scared
of being left behind

Where am I even going?
I can’t see my future

I can’t remember my past,
everything is different now.

1:19 am.
I should be sleeping but instead
I’m letting the words fly out
of my head.

Let words flow

through the pen

and grow

on paper.



Let the whispers

of your heart

slip out to be seen

by the world.



Let everything

that plagues you

be released

by pen's sweet scrawl.



Let them see

the truth that is you,

the things that

you cannot say aloud.



Set yourself free,

release the butterflies,

they flutter across the page

and dance.

Dear reader,
I have a request for you
Judge not
Hate not
Don't tear up the pages
If you dislike my poetry
I ask that you do not scream
Simply put the book aside
Forget everything
I will not be hurt
Unless you outright say
That you hate my poetry
Forever from this day
So, dear reader, please
Heed my request
And I will not hate you
For hating what I write
Sincerely,
The Writer

Hush
take a moment to think about a smile
Is it real, is it fake
or is this just a mistake?
Return a smile with one of your own
just in case
Because
you never know,
maybe a smile can fix someone's day
make their rainclouds go away
maybe no one ever smiles back
just wonders why and walks away
so maybe
just maybe
you could save someone's life
with a smile.

Can you tell me
how the world still spins
when all we want to do is

STOP

and begin again
The shots never cease
tearing through the crowd
And the smoke keeps rising
It's staining the clouds
Red and black
Brown and gray
We've lost sight
of the light of day
We scream and we cry
We fight 'till we die
Fists to the sky
Voices rising high
The battle never ends
Infinite war
The shadow and the sun
Just beyond the door
is a terrible truth'
left behind
in the dust of fantasies
created in our mind
So I'm telling you today
Keep your fists up high
Stretch out your voices
Make 'em touch the sky
We watch the battle
We choose our sides
And the battles only end
when we say goodbye.

Silence falls,
Killing my heart;
You can bring me to life.

I'm sorry, mother,
I'm sorry that you're afraid
Of losing me to darker things
Of seeing your greatest dismay

I'm sorry, father,
I'm sorry that I drag you down
That I can't pull myself together
That I always seem to drown

I'm sorry, grandmother,
I'm sorry that I fail you
That I am not the golden child
That I am broken through and through

I'm sorry to all I know,
I'm sorry that I cannot fly
I'm sorry that I cannot win
That I cannot touch the sky.

She
is strong.

She held inside of her
a secret desire
She tucked it away
and swore to find the right love
someday.

She
is 40 years old.
24 years ago she realized
her love
was incorrect
and not allowed.
22 years ago
she hid her desire
and found a love
that was almost true.
18 years ago
a family
was created
with a blonde cry in the eighth hour
of the night.
She
was
happy
there.
A husband,
a daughter,
and love, doubtless.
But
deep
inside
hid
her
secret.

5 months ago,
the family split
into 3 pieces.
Love
is
still
there,
but
family
is
a different word.
5 months ago,
her secret was revealed.

A year ago,
she got a new job
and met a woman.
A year later,
love is
a
new
word.

She is 40 years old.
A daughter,
and a mother.
She
hid
for
over
20
years.

Five days ago,
my mother told me that
she
loves
women.
She fell in
love
with her coworker.

She waited
for tears
or screams
or the dismal sound of the
dreaded
dial
tone.

I
gave
her
none
of
those.

I understand.
She
is
40
years
old.

When she was my age love was
man-woman, nothing else could be accepted,
anything else must be
hidden
or
it
would
be
shunned.

I
am
not
angry or sad.

I am
proud
of her.
Because she
is
strong. I am proud
of my
mother,
because she
has come out.
She is 40 years old.
Daughter, wife, mother.
It still isn't easy, especially with all
of
that
love
in her past.
But she
spoke.
Her secret flew
from her lips
at last,
and she could finally breathe.

My mother loves women,
and that's okay with me.

I remember how it feels
I remember how it looks
I still see the ghosts
The scars of a temptation's hooks
I wish I could say that I've broken away
But
(even when I'm happy)
there are still times when I just wish
I could see the blood
one more time
(and when I'm dark and sad)
there are still times when I just wish
I could feel the pain
**one more time.

I think my heart will burst,
as it is so full of love for you.
I think I may float past the clouds,
as I feel so light and free with you.
I think my soul has never been safer
as it is now here with you.
I think that I have never truly loved
as much as I do you.

the smile is crumbling
it's crumbling again
and the monster's screams
are increasing
rising in volume
and once again, i am afraid
and once again, i want to bleed
and once again, death whispers my name

Love is an open cage,
the door should always be ajar;
If you lock the other person in,
the bliss will only be brief.
If you leave the door open, so that
they may have
freedom
at any time,
Breathing is easier and a heart will beat long.

How long can I wait
for that Happy Ever After
How long can I wait
for The End?
My book is so thin
right now
Unwritten
with some pages I wish could be torn out
But the story I have now
is important
for what will be written in the future
So the pen keeps moving,
the story goes on
I will keep writing
my now.

Today started off
weary and cold
and I shivered through the early hours,
Kept warm only when in soul mate’s embrace.
I wandered through the day, ghost girl in blue and gray
With words of tears and chords of fury
deafening me to the surrounding crowd
I opened my eyes and ears only
for him
and closed my face to all other creatures.
I spent the day swallowing a scream
and when home reached out to pull me
farther into winter
I wrapped my fist around my growing tears
and spun the volume dial up a little higher
And home again, colder still
I buried myself in words and voices,
poems and lyrics,
and disappeared from the real world
and emerged inspired and feeling a bit more whole
Comfort foods for dinner
Hot water streaming down my skin
I battled the voices that begged for blood
For the first time, I won, I came out with no blood lines, so thin
And I buried myself in words again, leaving my head open to air
And I feel a bit better, I do, I do
Tomorrow is a new day, it’s true, it’s true.

A rise of notes

A quickening of breath

A sudden explosion

of sound that never left

my ears.

It still echoes

never leaving my mind

It leaves a terribly beautiful

memory behind.

Ghost of a song

Of sadness, of pain,

of beauty that through music

shall forever reign.

It twirls and spins

through the chasm of my brain.