What are you hiding
Behind that mask?
What lurks behind your love-struck eyes,
What threatens to smash through you gentle facade?
What terrible beast is waiting to be unleashed?
Let it devour me, for I must feel every part of you.

Trembling leaf
barely hanging on to the
ice-coated branch
It shakes as the wind swirls around it
in circles
hanging on by such a thin little stem
Hang on tight
Just hang on
'till spring.

I thought

only one person

made me feel

like this,

but

I could listen

to your voice

for ages,

and your warmth

is so safe and right.

I'm just so scared,

for I still care

the same way

for another.

These worlds,

slowly separating,

are getting harder

to bridge.

It hurts to stretch, but

it hurts more to think

of losing either side.

I feel the change,

smell the mist that's

begun to coat my face.

I just wish I knew

what's hiding under the wave.

out, out
let it all out
i don’t know how to say what i really feel
i don’t know how to feel what i really say
i don’t know my own thoughts
by the end of the day
you ask me what’s wrong
and i don’t know where to start
anxiety and depression and old aches for self-harm
pressure building inside my head
my heart trying to escape its cage
left alone, betrayed to my own devices
i’m afraid of being to weak to fight on
you want to know what’s wrong, read on!
cookie cutter life is being torn to bits
by the poison-tipped claws of reality
a fairy-tale ending for me? yeah, right
i gotta work if i want that crown
but i don’t qualify for the job
and i’m not ready for education
because i’m just a lazy slob
i have no drive, only meaningless passion
and i’m scared to get behind the wheel
i don’t know how to drive,
both literally and figuratively
they tell me i’m not ready for dedication and life
well, i told them the same **** thing
two months ago!
did they listen?
nooooooooo
i don’t know what i’m talking about,
i’m too stupid to figure it out
my snail-slow brain keeps running out
of fuel
i don’t know where to turn,
i don’t know where to go
i used to be good at solving mazes, but
this is nothing but dead ends, unsolvable
they tell me to stop being so **** emotional
they tell me everything i feel is totally hormonal
i wish they’d stop telling me that, instead just tell me
that they’re happy i found true love, someone to keep me strong
it’s not just fragile and fleeting,
it’s permanent to live on
forever
i wish they’d stop telling me
anxiety is all in my head
and just take me to the **** doctor instead
because i’d rather be safely diagnosed
than live a life of fear
how can they expect me to know how to live
when they’ve kept me so soft and helpless for so **** long?
they could have taught me how to be strong,
but i have to figure it out for myself
because now they don’t want to teach me anymore
oh, i’m a smart girl, i’ll figure it out
no, i’m too dumb to figure it out
contradictions have left me confused
and the back-and-forth battle, with words overused,
makes me want to curl up and cry, then sleep
for a thousand years in darkness, numb

you want to know what’s wrong? read on,
i’m too soft, too slow
i didn’t get the necessary training to really go
a battle has been flying over my head
contradiction bullets fired from genetically linked cannons
am i stupid am i slow
am i smart enough to know
how to live?
i am afraid of the future
afraid of the obstacles looming in front of me now
i’m not ready to grow up, not ready to fight
the necessary battle that is simply life
maybe i’ll run away into the woods
to find the meaning of life
maybe i’ll grow up too late,
after everyone’s moved on
maybe i’ll get lucky
and start a successful small-town business
or maybe i’ll just


i honestly don’t know
what to do
i’m not ready for survival,
not fit for independent life
i’m not ready to join the ranks
of the successful, the bright
the pretty names that light up the night
i don’t know where to go

you know what’s wrong, you see my thoughts
you can tell me every possible plot
but all i really need right now
is to know that you’ll always be here
keeping me strong
you’ll always be next to me so i can fight on
i just need to know
that the stream won’t carry you away
like it has taken so many other people from my days
i just need to know i’m not alone

Settle into this
Soft place, comfort
Settle into this warmth
Sunshine filling your veins
Settle into this,
It is not reality,
Settle into this,
Escape from reality.*

Take my hand a lead me away from this place
Lead me away from the insanity, the pain
Take my hand and pull me up
Out of the hole I’m in, pitch-black
Scream into my ears, yes, scream
So loud i just may go deaf
Scream until i finally open my eyes
To look at you
Scream until the fog lifts from my face
And you can see me clearly
I can see you clearly
Walk ith me down the bumpy road
These hills keep popping up
Walk with me, up and down
Round and round
It’s a circle, it’s a cycle,
It repetitionrepetition
Repeat it again and again
Bro-ken rec-ord, bro-ken rec-ord
Spin me around,
Round and round the town
Hear me laugh
Maniacal
The neighbors close their shutters tight
So they can maybe sleep through the night
Hush, children, she’s on the prowl
Listen close, you can hear her howl
If you go out alone on this full moon
She will catch you and turn you into a loon
Loon, lune, luna, lunar, moon
It is fun to sing to the moon
Sing with me, love, sing with me
Dance with me, love, dance with me
When they come for me, i will be gone
I’ll dissolve in the moon’s silver light
And leave just a trace of my laugh in the night
You can hear me in the latest hour
If you go up the wooden tower
Hush, and listen:
Here lies an insane little girl.

Words fly
off the top of my head
I
m
p
r
o
v
i
s
a
t
i
o
n
is my specialty.
Boredom fuels the tide of letters
arranged into a brilliant fortress
A stack of toddler's alphabet blocks
No pencil, no pen,
I use a keyboard instead
And when the lights go out
My world will end
c
r
u
m
b
l
i
n
g
around me,
shrapnel digging into my skin.
And I will be forced to say
                                            farewell.

In your eyes
lies safe haven,
real promises,
and genuine affection.

I see the storm

Brewing inside you;

Lightning flashes in your eyes.

You’re angry, love, I see it, I know,

But I am not afraid.

And while your silences frightens me,

The serious tone, I hate,

I am not afraid of the storm.

I will not back away, love,

I’d rather be struck by lightning.

Well, maybe I'm a broken doll,
A bird who's lost her heart
I don't know where home is,
Where I was born or where I keep my heart.

I think I'm being buried
slowly
smothered as
more
and more
dirt is piled
onto my shoulders
"...seperating..."
"...just friends..."
"...dead..."
"...responsibility..."
"...passing, right?"

I am up to my neck
and barely breathing.

Gentle melancholy blankets my heart,
sharing a space with the swell of love -
somehow, they mingle well,
like yin and yang.

I'm sorry, mother,
I'm sorry that you're afraid
Of losing me to darker things
Of seeing your greatest dismay

I'm sorry, father,
I'm sorry that I drag you down
That I can't pull myself together
That I always seem to drown

I'm sorry, grandmother,
I'm sorry that I fail you
That I am not the golden child
That I am broken through and through

I'm sorry to all I know,
I'm sorry that I cannot fly
I'm sorry that I cannot win
That I cannot touch the sky.

I can’t
breathe.

If I do,
I’ll leak
and drown
in my pain.

Tell me why
I shiver
and I shake
Tell me why my heart trembles
in my chest
Why must I live
in a such a fragile state of mind?
Anything could set me off, make me
EXPLODE
Why must I be
porcelain?

Sky is crumbling
Falling to the Earth
But it seems that Earth is crumbling, too
The Atmosphere has nowhere to land
And so she falls forever
With Earth still beneath her
Always a short distance away

I don't think you realize how big of a hole
you really left behind -
I'll be bleeding forever unless you return.
There is no cure to this,
the worst withdrawal.
Without you, it's hard to breathe
To walk
To love
You're my drug, and you've been taken away
I think the symptoms of this withdrawal
might **** me just before the day
that you return, and into you I once again fall.

Sunlit Lies

The sun may have blinded you,
but I know the truth,
for I dance in the shadows.

I know that those smiles
only come from pain and lies
and manufactured blue skies.

I know that the monsters
dance in your heads every day
Very little can make them go away.

I know that constant lies
are the only way we know to live
Stare at the sun, let it blind you

No!

Come with me, into Moon’s silver glow
Come and learn the truth, and find
that true happiness is found in the night.

You help me feel
like I can really
live again,
like I can be human.

I’m not a ghost,
for you have made me
real.

What
is
me?
Laughter
Smiles
Good heart
Giving heart
Sunshine girl never gives up doesn't care if it rains
What
am
I?
Am I sun
or am I
more?
Is there more
to this
smile?
Is there a frown
hiding
underneath?
Am I
trapped in a fishbowl swimming in circles
while everyone else is happily in the sea
because I don't know how
to get to the bright and big ocean
because it's
scary.
But
I
have
to
go.
I have to go.

A wave of release
flowing
like ink from my pen
Bursting
from between my lips
The fear builds in my chest
Pounding, pounding, pounding
The words strain
to break through
the boundary of fear
Finally,
a fist punches through,
allowing
RELEASE.

I know I need to tell you
what’s really on my mind
I know I need to tell you that something’s wrong
But all my life I’ve survived on lies
Never being honest, always shielding my eyes
And no one has ever known
How I really feel
No one has ever seen
the scars under the smile
And it’s hard to open up now,
hard to embrace total honesty
I cannot speak my mind aloud
Why do you think I write so much?
My truth is in my poetry,
emotions laid out for you to see
Because I don’t know how to remove my mask
and set my feelings free
So if I tell you I’m okay,
double-check my claims
Take a peek at my poetry,
the answer there might not be the same
as I what I say aloud, barely meeting your eyes
Always keep in mind that one of my best skills is lies
I don’t want to lie to you, I want to have your trust
But how can anyone trust me
when I barely trust myself?
So don’t trust my vocals,
only trust the poet’s word
Because my truth is in my poetry
and that’s where my real thoughts lie.

I don’t think I have ever been so grateful
to have a secret come out.

Remember the pain?
Remember the sadness?
Remember how
you wanted to die?
You thought you would die.
But something changed.
Someone came
into your life, promised to stay
And healed your heart
He completed the impossible task of healing you
But you were not completely fixed
You were better, but the cracks were still there
And you struggled silently, barely even telling him
You were still in pain, so much pain
But you knew you had to open up and tell him
You told him the truth, everything
You told yourself the truth, too
You couldn’t battle the demons alone
And when it all came down onto your head
You screamed and tried not to cry, you said
“I almost wish I could be dead!”
He was so scared, so scared of those words
You saw the fear glisten in his eyes
But you weren’t there to see him cry
As he made sure you wouldn’t say goodbye
He spoke the words you didn’t have the courage for
And the walls of the dark, cold box you were in
came crashing down around you
The sunlight blinded you, but you felt better
basking in its warmth
The pressure of the secret was gone from your chest
And when you saw him again,
After what he’d done, his fear was clear
Scared because he’d broken your trust
But you broke his, it was only fair
When you’re soul mates, pain is something you share
You promised him you were not mad,
In fact you were honestly quite glad
He saved you for the second time
And you felt an overwhelming gratitude
Because with him you knew there would be no more solitude.

Swimming
through oil
  Trapped
in the night,
                    not a star in sight.
Make love to the dark,
  greet the cold embrace,
let it move inside,
                              let it take over.
But then there's a gunshot,
  a shock, a flame,
  lighting up the pitch-black room
that is your mentality.

  And the darkness
                               slips
                                       a
                                         w
                                            a
                                              y.

It occurred to me
that I am nothing more
than a speck of stardust,
walking on another speck,
which is floating in another speck,
and the infinity is blinding.
But it also occured to me that
Stars, despite their mortality,
are beautiful as they shine,
no matter how bright the light.

I don’t know how
And I don’t know why
But what I do know
Makes me want to cry
It’s confusing, it’s frustrating,
It doesn’t make any sense
But it’s so right, so perfect;
Puzzle pieces fit together so nicely
I cannot deny this, the truest connection
The binding of souls
But why, someone tell me why
Why does it has to be so complicated?
Why must we be torn apart,
Clinging to fragile scraps of
“Hope to see you again,”
It’s frustrating,
But it makes sense
A true test of love, distance
Will prove that this is true
And smash it to the ground
And shatter a fantasy
In my heart, I feel it, I know:
This is not a fantasy, no
This will withstand even the greatest of distances
I know, I know.

Everything is wrong
Why is it all wrong
Why
are they all looking
at
me
Is something
wrong?
Why am I shivering
inside my bones
my heart won't stop vibrating
what's wrong everything is wrong

Voices are being dumped on my head like
cold water in the early morning
startling me awake and afraid
I feel every
single
gaze

on
my
back

I turn to look
but all faces
are turned away

*look away

This time I managed to dodge
the terrible heartbreak bullet.

I woke up today,
   and my aura had a
      sad silver tint.

I woke up today
   feeling a weight
      where my heart should be.

I woke up today,
   and immediately
      wanted to cry.

I woke up today
   with depression
      nibbling on my bones.

I woke up today,
   but I don't think
      I'm really awake.

I woke up today
   so now I must
    move forward.

why is it,
i wonder,
that we create so much hatred
to fill the world
in a an attempt to erase
the joy, the happiness, the light?
is it just
human nature?

I have a secret:
I am self-destructing.
No!
Don't tell!
Please, just let me go...
if I can't save myself.
You see, the demon in my head is controlling my limbs again,
but I know I can fight him if I really try.
Yes, he makes me bleed and he makes me cry,
but I swear he will never make me die.
I can fight this *******, the terrible beast,
you'll see.
Just don't tell, okay? Don't tell
the world that I'm self-destructing.

This is a surprise,
This sudden bloom that has
Poked its head out
From the remains of two messy years
This is a surprise,
But I'm glad to see it.
I just hope I can help it to grow well.

I don't fit here,
I don't fit there,
I don't think I really fit
anywhere.

You lift
my heart
into the very center
of the universe
and fill it
with a cosmic magic
that gives me fresh life.

it’s baffling,
the way the poetry forms.
one day, there are no words
and you’re left in silence.
the next day, you’re exploding;
firewords streak the sky and stain the clouds with ink

it’s intriguing,
the infinite possibilities of a poem

    d  the words up, then b
   l                                                r
  i                                              e
u                                                  a
b                                                        k   them down

spin the letters
         r    r
     o           o
u     and       u
   n             n
        d    d

it’s magical
how a few simple lines can be made into a work of art
it just depends
on the how the w o r d s
are   a
        r
                   r
     a
               n
          g
   e
                      d.

ah, poetry is its own magic.

i have been gone
but now i am back
the monster is hiding
ghosts flinching away
because sun is much too brightly shining
and they are eternally frightened of the day
yes, i have been gone
but now i am back
and i am not haunted anymore.

It's poem time, it poem time;
Every day now I must have a poem time
I must brush the cobwebs off my lips
Blow the dust off of my pen
And with every sunrise there must be
A poem time to define what's me.

Questioning
the reason for the madness
The world keeps spinning
but we’re frozen in silence
And every day we scream
“We want to end this game!”
But the higher-ups don’t listen,
they don’t know our name
And so I’m standing here,
surrounded by the flames
Wondering why I still bother
playing all these games
All around me, the voices cry
We’re still waiting for the day
That the flames all die
But the fire cannot die,
because then out lives would end
And it’s not that easy
to begin again.

This is a force
Which has shaken me to the core;
I am irreversibly changed by your love.

the
  feeling
of
  drowning
despite
  full
oxygen,
  or
perhaps
  just
a
  desire
to
  sink.

Love yourself first.
Only accept your truth.
Valentines are paper.
Every day it's you.
Happiness will be mine.
I can't breathe.
My arms are weak, my legs are faulty.
Oh, why is this true?
Never give.
Love is a fable and I live in the tale.
You.

rain
  pattering
around
small
hidden
  birds,
who
  trill
to
find
  each
other
  through
the
  drops.

Why must you be so far away from me,
my love?
The Fates pull you away,
but I will never let go.
As the snow outside sparkles,
reflecting the soft, silver moonlight,
I gaze up at the stars through my window
and think only of you
Oh, I wish I knew
when it is that I will see you
I wish there didn’t have to be so much uncertainty
But life is a compilation
of uncertain moments
And we must learn to wade through
the wide ocean of fear
so that our fingertips can touch
and I know that you’re still here.

I am gray.

I am somehow both messy and organized.

I am both happy and sad.

I am asleep and I am awake.

I am smart and I am stupid.

I am dark and I am light.

I am gray.

Unknown.

She walks as though
there are clouds beneath her feet;
Her heart is the same color
as her name.

Like a typical teenage cliche,
my emotions simmer under my skin
surge through my veins
scream for release
I'm begging for release
I am FRAGILE
Handle me with care
If you drop me I might explode
Into a million pieces of
a once-whole girl.
*Not so whole anymore

soft,
  thin
beams
  of
light,
  revealed
by
  pale
smoke
  swirling
in
  a
hypnotic
  pattern

Why does there seem to be
a sudden chain of sadness
taking lives?

I worry
that depression
will wipe out
the world.

But I will still plant
my bright yellow flowers
because hope can never die
And neither will you, or I -
not today.

So tell me
Why is the sun falling?
Why has the moon lost its glow?
Why are the stars all fading?
Why has the Earth ceased to turn?
What is the reason
That we've come to see world's end?
What have we done to deserve this
Apocalypse
There is no attack of the undead souls
There is no rampant disease
There is the sky,
It is melting
Coating us in shards in light
And scraps of dreams.
So tell me why
I cannot cry
When I see this, our fate,
so rapidly approaching.

All I want
is to write a love song for you
but all I can think about
is trying to stay strong for you.
There is a monster under my bed
who likes to crawl into my head
and he’s making it hard for me to think
happy thoughts
And I’m trying so hard
to think about you
because it’s the only thing
that will get me through
And all I want
is to write a love song for you
because I want you to know
that I’m fighting for you.