Been hurt too much it doesn't feel like anything.
Been played with without knowing and ended up broken.
What a pity it was;
His heart did as worse as his dainty mind.
Same old, same old,
Staring blankly at the screen;
Should be doing something no one really knows,
Bawling my heart out;
Bawling without tears flowing.
Tinker with the darkness that's sleeping,
Fill your head with unfamiliarity,
Once a man's mind snaps;
You better run away from it.
From writing pieces,
Back to scribbling random words.
Been there, done that.
Been hurting over and over,
Been hurting but never learning.
Haven't learned anything;
Feels nothing but yearning;
Yearning for love never reciprocated.
Been crying though it sounds fake,
Been loving though it sounds uncanny.
The chills never left me;
*The cycle never ends.

I know you think
I wear lipstick everyday
And my hands always
Smell like
Chai tea and raspberries

I know you think
My tongue always
Tastes like
Melted sugar
And peppermint

I know you think
I sleep in the same lace
Underwear
You find me in
On certain Sundays
In the spring
When the air is light
And my jeans
Don't stick
To my thighs

I know you think
I'm larger than life

Above chipped teeth
And bruises
And cigarette ash
And acne

I know you think
My eyes don't turn
Blood red
And poison
When I cry

I know you think
My finger nails
Are always
Freshly painted

And I always wear
A bra
That fits

I know you think
Yoga pants are
My comfy clothes,
Never gray sweat pants
With a faded red stain
Between my legs

I know you think
My calves are always
Soft, hairless, and toned

You think
I wait by the phone
With vanilla incense
Burning in a red robe

But you're wrong
And that's impossible

I won't let you in
Cause I won't be
The one
To shatter
Your whole
Pretty, little world

I'm disgusting
Sometimes

I sleep with
Way too many
Girls and guys

And sometimes I cry so much
My eyelids peel
Til I look like
Leather face
And I don't leave my house
For 8 days

And in those 8 days
I shower
Maybe twice

My skin gets rough
In the winter

Right now
I have a
Pimple on
My left shoulder
And every morning
It looks a little
Meaner

My ***** spill
Out over the top
And the sides
Of my favorite
Sport's bra

And I don't care

I smell like burnt oil
And cheap hair dye
Half of the time

I haven't washed
My sheets in a while
And they smell like
Salt water
And chlorine

You put me up on a pedestal
From which I refuse to fall

So I'll stay here,
Far,
Untouchable

You'll never love me
With sticky tampons
In my garbage can
And half drank beer bottles
On my bedroom floor

I'll stay here,
Far,
Untouchable,

Safe

Solitary mornings along the maple avenue
Outer colors change , and so do I
Ground squirrels play a game of chance
with hawks at treetop level , the pious
hold their cards and bet the bank on forever
Acorns fall then roll down the concrete sidewalk ,
fully expecting to land in dirt
In tune with the Sparrows that seem to go out
of their way to maintain a secure distance from the
other birds
Gray sky refusing to rain , a smile concealing pain
Tiny mansions all look the same
Metropolitan moths circling the morning flame* ...

art is my life
art is the oxygen in my broken lungs
art is my only way to exist
art is me

i am art