I am not your hero,
you are not my rock and roll.
I see your bodies turned away,
you see mine shake and twitch.
I never thought I would be the
loud one,
the oddball,
the ******,
the threat.
This is not the only piece I have
so far.
I wrote many while I was confused
and just praying I would last in
your lives.
I am sorry I ruined them,
and I’m sorry for myself for
coming off too strong too soon.
I was not an interesting subject changer,
I was an attention *****.
I was not the one who played the guitar,
I was the one who knew nothing.
I wasn’t just quiet,
I was the one who didn’t have a word to
say that didn’t make things awkward.
I never thought space was how you
would all respect me.
I see it as sad, and you see it as a gift.
I tried everything to get you to like me,
but I can only be who I am.
I never asked you to change for me,
and there I would sprint to find a tune
that would play the sadness for me.
It’s not about me,
this is how you let me be,
the free and flying bird.
I’ll go back to your nest
when you are ready to
love me the way I am
again.
The best thing I did for us
all was not until now,
to fly away.

You know,
it’s just a game.
If I can’t learn
to hear screaming
over a loss and not
cover my ears,
I can’t play with you.

If you don’t want to
let me in without
clenching your fists
and gritting your teeth,
why ask me anyway?

If we can’t learn to
accept all our differences,
we can’t be in the same
game.
I lose, someone else wins,
I feel no sorrow,
you feel no sympathy.

Who is the winner anyway?
Since I have songs to play
and dreams to fulfill,
I would say the winner
is me.
Your loss, is a chance,
to have a friend who
cares deeply and shows
appreciation,
like me.

The dreams I have where enemies reside
are killed by the morning light and savored
in my frontal lobe.
I think how they could have hurt me the way
they did in the dream.
She put her arms all over me and she grasped
my neck I could not breathe at all.
He grabbed my hand and would not permit me
to be with my friends though I could sense the
relationship was over.
Waking up after seeing somebody I once was
abused by is hard to do,
but its harder for them to see I am awake and
ready
to let it all go
and live for real,
this time.

Part of it was security higher than a mountain,
some of it was trust larger than a desert.
It was natural no matter how scary to see,
and vulnerable no matter how much you laughed
and I sat humiliated.
I said I could do it, it took a crowd to say I couldn’t
after I fell and broke something.
Doesn’t matter what can and can’t be fixed.
It is over,
but I trusted whoever was there
when I made the greatest mistakes
ever.

Is it ever enough to see the glitter in my eyes
when I'm right near the ones who took me in for once?
I might as well disqualify myself as this competition is too much of a dual.
We want to know who has the brain,
who has a warm heart, and who has the courage standing by great self esteem.
It's me, him, her, and all of us.
If we are sitting with fingers crossed and our shoulders raised to our necks,
why are we here in the first place?
To care and to give,
or to have and to hold?
Ambiguous is how I felt since two days ago.
My belt was right there but my thoughts were cooled down.
I'm living the life I wanted to, you are not there but you are not missing.
I wait for no kindness and I tolerate no admonishing tone used for a prayer.
You pray I won't exist in your life, no need to ask God.
I hear you loud and clear.
When I am gone I hope that will make it
enough.
Don't worry about me,
You never took away my happiness,
you just don't have any yourself.
Mine is a threat to you,
your weakness is not my weapon,
you just let it be.
It's just never enough with you.
I'm not mad, I feel sorrow with no
guilt.
Learn.

I wonder why you're no longer nice to me,
But first I wonder why you feel inferior enough
to show how phasesd you are by your own troubles and sorrow.
And it's me you pick
to reply with vulgarity and stubborn attitude?
All I can say,
It's rather nice to be me, and I'll bet it
*****
to be
you ;).

Awaiting for dreams to come true,
and fearing the thoughts of discovery.
So much never heard and not enough
tears to be seen.
“What is this”, is all I can say,
the fray has begun and it’s a war not
asked for but granted.
If one day I am gone still without playing
the song I wrote when I felt blessed and kept
the faith,
I will never hunt you down,
I need to protect you and myself from
potential agony.
There is some now, but lets not make it worse.
I know some of you are children by mind and
cannot bear to say what you need while reaching
your hand.
Some have never been encouraged follow their
dreams and were lead by the bullies who
tormented.
Some go home to hell and come here to
relapse.
When you reach your hand out, someone
will take it and guide you as a sibling and
friend.
Whatever your dream is, go follow it
and lead when you arrive to brighter
horizons.
Home is not always where the heart is
but come back like you are broken but
fine.
Somebody will be there to do so,
and it may be me,
if I stay,
I hope to.

I will always guide myself with my own hand
to understand you,
but I will never let myself go far too long
to try and be you.
Demand you will not and to beg I don’t intend.
Shoot the shame with a gun and let the smoke
fly around your beautiful face.
Letting the bullet go as we forget the farce.
Remembering your smile and how you would
bury your head in my chest as you shed
tears of guilt.
Sipping wine alone is what I needed,
as you got your shattered glass
swept up by a man you call,
friend.

I thought we could all be a choir of insecure teenagers pretending nothing is wrong when in our heads it is all wrong.
I sang the blues and danced in the hallways of the school, but my only applause was
pointing fingers and laughter.
I knew that if I ruled the world, I would have everyone sit in a circle and just
say it the way their young mind wants them to.
If I was queen of the drama I would say to scream the worst of the worst profanity,
get in the center of the tile floor as if it is your stage,
vent, spread your arms apart as your fingers leave inches of space,
and cry for all to see.
Never would I let anyone go back to the same person at the same time of day.
We would pick someone new and together we would learn through conversation that there is power when meeting a stranger. To all I was one.
Talking to yourself will no longer be a crime, and I would make it ok for
everyone to jump up and down, say something wrong, and shrug to any words that
are worth the outrageous reaction.
Never make fun of me for all that I do at any moment at any time.
I knew I would never rule the world at age thirteen as stress was lit like a match and flames of tears and a lying face would burn all over me.
The scar burns and ashes have melted away and I can smile again,
and when the phoenix flies by so high and visible,
every tic stops for a moment as I am detained by graceful vision.
I am alive today carrying but not devoting the way I see myself that has made me stronger, and not only a woman with bravery,
but a teacher with lessons of respect.
Now class,
you can’t control the rest of the students,
but be kind to yourself first,
never punish yourself for your flaws,
and see how compassion and love
brings you to believe
in your own
strength.
We can’t all have the same spirit inside,
but we can let it outside of ourselves to
show we belong together as a world.
Class dismissed,
now your homework tonight
is to read yourself and write a paper
about all the things you love about
who you are, not anybody else.
You won’t be graded,
this is all for
you.

I can’t carry you on my back anymore.

I don’t see why you sleep on my couch when you want
to leave so badly you could cry.

I never understood why I became your burden of hell.

I see no reason for you to feel bad.

Just build some self-esteem,

walk in the woods,

pack a granola bar and water,

and look back at your tracks.

I may not be with you but I know it’s what you
want and cannot have.

It’s your life,
and I am not the one who takes things
away from you.

You let it be no part of you and you strip it from
me.

Take a hike,
smell the air,
get mud on your shoes,
and track it all over the floor
of your own home.

Would you need it so bad you leave one
to sit and stare at you all night?
Would you have your guitar handed to you
as I carry mine in a heavy black case?
Can you carry a tradition of a summer night
sing along and not have it all to yourself?
What a shame,
that such an occasion,
was sold to you and bought by your
soul.
A soul on what they fawn over and
poetry is written about your voice.
Your voice, the songs you play,
I heard it all before, and I heard it enough
to know you as desperate.
Stop making it about you, and
let us shine together all of us in the cool
summer night air.
Slapping every mosquito and sipping
champagne, just share something
for once.

When I am old I expect nobody to sit and have tea with me
who once saw me as young and cared to show me an old
picture.
When I am fifty I will wake up alone and tuck my mother and
father in bed at night where they once did to me years ago.
When I am thirty I will return my wedding gown after another
bipolar episode he just won’t take it anymore.

I am now twenty, and I have years to live and improve
myself,
my spirit,
my life.

Who knows where I will be? Maybe I will be digging in the dirt
at a farm or perhaps riding the elevator in a big
skyscraper.
Let the past shape me and form me into what I wanted and not
what they wanted.
Forgive myself for my mistakes, and never take away my own
chances.

I see my future from a glance but I don’t know everything and never
will.
I can’t predict nor can I control the universe along with the time.
Let the clock tick and just have fun with the running out.
Walk with arms wide open and have the patience to find what we
visualize.
Let visuals be toys and consequences be keys to unlocking new and
proper opportunities.
Love what you have and are and never beg for more.
Good things come to those who do not get on their knees for the sake of
getting.
Learning and saying “I don’t know” is the key to knowing and the process of
giving.
Give and get, live and learn, never take the present moment for granted, and
understand the misunderstood.
It’s not about having it all, it’s about
learning from it.

This has been locked inside me
for far too long.
It's coming out unleashed
despite if I'm wrong.
Better now than never
these thoughts are never gone.
The top of my lungs have
me winded, my voice leads
everyone to know I
belong.

I stand,
I stare,
at the other folks
making their jokes.
I hear them,
I compare to my view,
it's entitled and here,
I scream out loud
"**** that fear!"
It's time to learn and
listen as we
hear.

Right now I am breaking my writers block.
My page is incomplete without another piece written
about someone special like you.
The first time you asked to hold my hand I sensed hesitation
in you and felt fear in me.
I pressed against your shoulder and all my fears ceased within
me.
I felt your touch how you wanted to protect me from the horror
you became my beautiful sight.
Not knowing you brought fear of having you and getting to know you
was the graving of the bumps in the desert how they would never
stop us from getting to where we want to be.
I want to be with you,
I want to share these feelings with you.
I want to have a nice poem about you.
Here it is, and here we are.
Look what you have done,
bringing me and you into a
better world to see and live.
No fawn is ever taken for granted, and no mistake is ever frowned upon.
I’ve warmed up enough, and I saved the time I write this for the perfect night.
Tonight was magnificent, and that is what my life
is becoming thanks to
you.

When we devote our heart to what
phases and appalls us,
we leave no room in our hearts and
sit alone waiting on the people of our
dreams.
So many times we take morality and
mold it into our sculpture of opinion.
We take the image of the natural beauty
our friends arrive to take us and photoshop
beauty queens, anorexic girls, naked men,
and clear skinned bashful humans.
We look the way we do,
but we’re not done yet.
Split ends are the representation of a
woman who works hard to earn her
dream and live her destiny one day.
A teenager with blemishes enters the
school doors and cracks quirky jokes
and makes an eight grade girl laugh;
she who is fourteen and feels no inferiority
despite her flat chest and gap tooth.
He is not the fat boy who everybody loves,
he is a human being and is here for the same
reason any model,
rockstar,
dancer,
athlete,
actor,
and Olympian is here
today.
Can we look the way we do and feel as if
we need no photoshop on what is really on
us?
It’s all about
what is
in us.

I need you to stay.
One of us should not be the
breaking point.
I've had surrounding folks before,
but none of them were the right ones.
It's you,
and me,
Us,
We,
Love,
Drama,
Over.
The floor boards are cracking every time
you leave.
I don't want to throw away the candy wrappers.
Next time leave the wine here.
Never think we won't do this again.
I'll only suggest.

As I read and searched you since we
departed to a transition that
choked me and relieved you,
breathing was only by
forgetting our precious little
drama.
I wanted so bad to shake your
hand like we used to but you
had too many others to hold.
I tricked myself into thinking I was
happy for you when really I couldn't
sleep at night.
I saw what you said and I could sense
I'd ruin your life if we stayed in touch.
I had too much work and you
had too much to drink that night.
I laid down to rest after a tough day and
you laid back down in your bed of roses
where you fell into since we departed.
I'm ok now,
I have no need for that precious little
drama.
You want none of my swinging and I
hate when you're shooting.
You use it on me by taking another girl.
By the way, are you still talking to her?
Or is there someone new like always in
your life.
This precious little drama is all on you.
Don't come running back when your roses
die and she doesn't call.
By now nobody should be surprised as you
hang at bars alone and intoxicate yourself
forgetting you're punishing not pushing yourself to grow stronger.
I'm strong, why aren't you?

If the person you are phases to many,
think of it as quality and **** the
quantity.
Laughter is good for our muscles and
head.
Seriously “cool” people don’t want us to
be dead.
They want us to bump down as they bump
up to be complemented and fawned.
If God is never here then maybe it is
diversity where happiness lies upon.

To the woman proposed by a married man.
To a twelve year old boy not knowing why
he kicked a beer can.
To a sixteen year old girl who really needs
an older man.
To a father who can’t say yes to his daughter
he’ll always be her number one fan.

Stay dry, be wet and comfortable.
Laugh like the rain and be unstoppable.
Walk away, keep your head high to the sky.
Never wrong with spending a night in the summer
with some coffee and pumpkin pie.
Say what is real, just don’t make it about you.
Let others have their share, and watch dreams come true.

To the parent who gives nothing but complements.
To the girl who **** talks among other boys.
To the boy who **** talks among other girls.
To the family who gives each other the business.

Ok, there’s a limit.
Take your time but never for granted.
Tell the critics to take a break.
They may or may not have lives and that’s
no piece of cake.
Take the computer and turn it into your
guide.
Design graphics and games and let the players
show your pride.
Hear the piano, bass, drum, guitar,
write a song and tell the world
who you are.
Lace up the shoes and run in the rain.
Go as fast as you can and show your pain.

Lets make this clear,
there shall not be fear,
we are not out to get,
we just need to let.
Keep pushing through,
whether you’re in eight grade
or at a college that is new,
look back and know you grew,
but most of all,
you do you.

I’m a little different, and you say you are as well.
I have no money in my purse, and you have no job to keep you secure.
I live with my family, and you live with yours,
so no fun in the house wherever we go.
I write but I have no fame, you throw baseballs at trees and are not
a pro.
We sit under a tree where we don’t have to pay a meter.
We walked twelve miles to this park and I got dressed up for this.
You put a little flower in my hair, and I lay on your chest.
I want to love someone and not be cliché but respect our friends.
I want to be loved by someone who accepts everything.
I want to love someone who is unafraid.
A guitar is too big to carry on this trip, and there to our left is a metal picnic table.
Come with me, take these small wooden sticks from the tree,
find the bar on the bench, and play me a song.
Play me a little tune from the object in the present.
We are present, we are here, and the xylophone is what we shall make out of this ugly back metal picnic table.
I’ll dance upon the table and hear you play.
A little song,
for little time,
the first date is the scariest era of love.
Will I spend the rest my life with you?
This would be the greatest thing anyone would do
for me.
Play me a song as I dance for you and we learn within space and earnestly living in the present time.
When it starts to rain and your instrument rusts, carry me home, and play me a song
with your voice even if you are not singing.
Trust me,
I want to hear it.

If you don't have my future and forever
have my past,
I'll never hunt you down,
never stay awake for a whole night when you're not sleeping next to me,
and I'll drive to where I'm only needed I won't circle around where I know you'll be.
Every moment I lived since you've been gone where I laughed so hard I cried and
I felt a rush talking to another someone,
I learned from you.
A bad note doesn't make a bad person though we may end and walk in opposite directions,
If you are walking with tears in your eyes and if you throw your phone and pout,
I'll pick it up for you.
When I hand it back, it will be more than a message.
It will be a sign for you
to know,
I'm not gone,
I'm still searching.
Never will I mind crossing paths where you happen to be.
We're humans not wanderers, and listeners not lovers.
I want to hear how you are and see what you look like now.
I hope you want the same, but if you don't,
I'm safe, happy, and healthy.
That is what matters to me right now., I hope you are the same as well.
Not of the loss, but of the lessons you and I
Learned.
Better things happen in life when we choose respect over
revenge.
I think our situation and time apart is worth it.

I would do anything to be walking around and dancing in the streetlight.
I hate to be in and everyone else is outside painting cars and opening 12 packs.
I can’t get up and I have eyeliner on my face from my daily think and cry.
Depression,
You keep me away from everything and everyone.
My life is empty though my heart not so much.
It is full,
of guilt.
When you die,
there better be a chance they let me back in with them.
I will get drunk and paint a picture of what I used to look like on the car of the person who let me down.
I’ll not think of what makes me sad and I will leave my bed to night.
Depression makes me want to sit and do nothing.
Well there is no time for that,
is there?

I dreamed last night I was fighting you
again.
I called you a **** and I said I hated you.
While I said those words you had a smile on
your face.
So did everyone in the locker room.
I woke up and realized that three years today I say
better words and still nobody listens.
I was a joke then and I am today.
One day I’ll be listened to.
Don’t feel threatened if I’m right,
and never feel powerful when I’m wrong.
My syndrome is a gift and a curse and sometimes
fools me with my choice of words and actions.
If the dream had been real and if I had said it to you,
You would never get an apology.
You needed that name calling.
You never received it,
but you were no better
than anyone or
anything or
me.

While the world was changing
our different beliefs were
furiously ascending.
They used to be intriguing as I’d be shooting
a rifle and you would be marching with me
in a fight for women’s rights.
Now you’re being sexist and I’m for
control.
Never thought the reality of beliefs in
legal eyes would take us on a toll.
I stood and panicked as you held my hands
and offered to take me.
You looked to the side of the room near the door
when I talked about my feminist spirit and what
it means to me.
We two great people so passionate and
holding our beliefs in a clutch
got to be overbearing and  then anxiety said it
was too much.
I tried too hard you tried  even harder.
Breaks my heart that different views of
federal and state cases did not let this relationship
go farther.
You’re gone and bullets are raining in your life.
I see no more of your face and I never again feel
your touch.
I guess what I want in this world is happening through
LGBT and Gun Control,
perhaps I’m too good AND
too much.

Nothing I do will allow me to restrain
my hands from flapping and my words
insane.
No one can ever say I don’t belong or
I did something wrong.
This is neurological and nothing I
took of the shelf.
Though this label I have is why I’m
usually by myself.
I blink many times but I can still see
the beautiful people.
You’ll see my restless legs but one
day I’ll be in the position that is fetal.
My phrases may sound ignorant and
bothersome
but I somewhere have a voice that
spreads truth and wisdom.
Though I may be alone
or staying at home
I party in my room
and feeling no doom.
Tourette’s is no sin,
when the ticks start to begin,
they perform and I let it go
it is still there but it doesn’t have
to be a show.
Its about the inside forget the
gesturing hands.
We people are styled and different
but never are we brands.
We here for each other
reasons to be told.
I may have ticks but many
great stories to unfold.
We learn to respect and listen
to our family and friends.
The ones I have I know are
there, they never expect
the ticks to end.
It’s nothing I pretend.

I ended up getting a life
but I left some space
for you.
I believe in new beginnings
but also in
follow through.

I wake up every morning with fear and desire to be seen as one of a kind not one with a different mentality.
I go to sleep every night and dream of a world where nobody cares if you are being yourself.
The things I know that I do that remove others ease
and all my fantasies that won't ever work out.
They have me looking down on my heart and see it is broken for good.
The years before always looked better .
Nothing fixes me except pills, outdoor walks, and smiles with eye contact.
Everyone I get to know looks away eventually.
My poor skills cause these relationships to break in half.
Whoever gets the better half is the normal one.