No more will I ask why.
No more will I seek to die.
No more will I eliminate peace.
No more will I allow you to defeat me.
For today I am Me! For you are apart of Me! I embrace you in my life. We are joined together in this fight. You are the yin and I the yang. You were with me when my life began. I will take you to my grave, so what's the use to deny the very thing that makes me learn how to live life!

I cry out begging for relief
My hands pointed outward
A slow death , of poison
They ask what's wrong?
I cannot articulate.
No one sees my wounds.
They gather data in hopes for a solution, they've grown weary too!

So, take these! Morning, noon, and night. Give time, be patient!
Maybe so, maybe this is working.
Yet, I stop lifting my hands to the heavens seeking the grace and mercy I have always craved.
Now my mind is chemically covered, so I feel better now...
Yet,  what answered my prayers?

I.

The heart is clumsy,

our thoughts provoking disaster

when pulling on the wrong strings

before the storm, and after.

II.

You

and I,

encompass the sky

that hovers above us

holding clouds that serve purpose

to embellish or destroy

waiting for the wind

to mould us into strange shapes

tugging at others’ curiosity

not knowing what we are

or where we’re going.

III.

Muffled speech,

blinding weather in his eyes,

today we are not raining together

drop by drop

He falls and changes,

beauty into anger,

I await on a lonely ground

to catch him.

IV.

We exist in all shades,

unpredictable,

beautiful,

converging into one another

calming the anxious souls

that we transport to the heavens above.

V.

I watch the sun and moon alternate,

natural occurrences, I notice

just like the thoughts

that feel like clouds in my head

when my heart reminds me

of him

at an ungodly time of night

striking me like lightening,

thunder echoing between these ears

that long for the voice of an angel instead.

I hope you find comfort in the clouds,
The one you don't find in me.

I am the sun,
and you are the shadow.
You could eclipse me,
but I am not afraid.

Pain is...
Being able to imagine a future with him
Someone who will never love you.

Pain is...
Loneliness
Sadness
Being overlooked
Wishing for the impossible
Seeing everyone run from you.

Pain is spirit breaking,
Tear jerking torment.

That's what pain is.

The pieces of me
Were falling through the cracks
The pieces of me
Shattered from the past

These pieces I've
Been missing so long
You've put them back
Where they belong

In your shirt pocket
Grazing your chest
Where those pieces are safe
And can be loved best

You've found those shards
Where someones thrown them away
You're now who will
Keep them safe

Be careful because
My thinly severed parts
Hardly resemble
What once was a heart

They may embed
Themselves within
And splinter you with
Broken passion

I may not give you all of me
But I can share my pieces
A bite of me is all you need
The bite that never ceases

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
******
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.