Your words hurt me
The way you ridicule me for something I can’t help
I don’t deserve it
What have I done to you?
It hurt
The things you said
“Were you abandoned?”
Yes
“Were you just unwanted?”
Yes
And I don’t want to think of that anymore
You saying that just brings old
USELESS
Memories back
You ask
“Did they just not want you?”
The answer is yes.
I can’t make it anymore obvious I don’t want to talk about this
Your words didn’t just hurt me though
If that happened I would have been fine
But no,
You hurt my friend with your heartless words
And I will defend them from anything
You need to know the impact of what you said
You made me feel worthless
Like I am not wanted
Do you know how that feels?
No
You don’t.
But that how you made me and my friend feel
As if we were nothing

My Best Friend:

Ya know,

You’re my best friend

And I love you

Not in a romantic way.

You make me smile a bit more

You make me laugh when I need it

You’re family is mine.

You help me when I’m down

Even if you don’t know

You never fail to make me smile,

For that

I’m eternally grateful.

From when try to show off

To when you drag me around to “play”

Or when we “fight”

To when we run around like idiots.

You never fail to help me.

From the first “I hate you”

To the last “you’re my best friend”

You have always been there for me.

Thank you

I can taste it,
The bile in my throat.
The taste of a meal wasted.
I can see the remnants of what was once a calorie filled dinner
I don’t want to be like this,
But I have to.
I need to be pretty
I need to be skinny
I need to be…
Not me.
I’ve lost weight in the past months
I’ve gotten skinnier,
At the expense of my energy,
I’ve gotten prettier,
At the expense of my health
I’ve gotten better,
At the expense of my sanity
The sound myself gagging,
Is the proof that I’m getting better
The image of my ribs
Is the proof that I’m improving
The thigh gap I have
Is the proof I’m good enough
I just need to be…
Skinnier,
Slimmer,
Better.

I don’t know you anymore
You have changed
And not for the better
You’re abusive
You’re cutting
You use drugs and alcohol as a remedy
What happened to make you like this?
What made a wonderful person turn into this?
I miss the old you
You were kind
Sweet
Funny
caring
I don’t care how cliche that sounds
It’s true
And I miss it
I miss YOU
Not this artificial cover up
I NEED the old you
You were my confidant
You were my rock
You helped me through the hardest things
Was I too much for you?
Did I make you like this?
I’m sorry.
I just miss you

Pain
It’s all I know
It’s all I see
It’s all I hear
It’s all I feel
When will it stop?
It is slowly tearing me apart
The physical pain of my injuries
The mental pain of knowing I wasn’t wanted
The emotional pain of my demons
It just needs to stop.
I can’t stand it anymore
It’s there
Always
Subconsciously
I don’t know how to make it stop
It’s starting to get too much.
The pain of being abandoned
Ignored
Abused
Emotional and mentally
I just don’t know how to end it all.
My existence revolves around pain
I don’t know how to just turn it off
The pain of being unwanted
A shadow
Pushed around
It HURTS
I don’t know what to do anymore
Maybe I will just end it all
Or resort to harming myself
I just need to do something to end it
Or at least leases this feeling
The only thing I know is pain
I guess I’ll just have to live with it

What I need is someone to care,
Someone to notice,
Someone to help.
I just need you to see.
Maybe you could help me.
I don't know.
I just need you to see.
Not the whole picture,
Just what was in front of you all this time.
I try for your attention
But you never notice.
You don’t know how much that hurts.
I could die and you wouldn’t notice for days.
I just need you to notice.
Notice the scars
The pain in my eyes
The loneliness emanating from me.
I just need some help,
So this is my cry for help.
I need you to see.

Whenever I say something you ignore me
Whenever I do something you hurt me
Whenever I think something you yell at me
I have had enough
If you don’t like how I am then leave
I do things how I want
If you don’t approve
I don’t care
I do what I want
You say that you care
But actions speak louder than words
You of all people should know that
Your the one that drilled it in me
So quit yelling
Quit hitting
Quit hurting me
Even if you don’t see,
I need you to know
How much you hurt me
Every time you yell
Hit
Hurt
I just can’t take anymore
I’m sorry
But it’s true
Whenever you yell,
I flinch
Whenever you ignore me
My spirit deflates
Whenever you hit
I take it
But it HURTS that you would hurt me
And I don’t know what to do now