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Katinka Sep 2018
I Do
and I know you don´t

and its killing me
because this means I am supposed to start
start to get over you.

But I don´t want to
I don´t want to let go
I don´t wont to forget you

and I don´t want to stop loving you.

Because loving you
gave me purpose
it gave all the love I could never give to myself a place to go.

And now
I can´t stop thinking about you

because I feel like you are absorbing me
like my love for you is absorbing me .

As if the thousand butterflys in my stomach
made me forget the weight on my feet.

And for once I believed I could fly.

Because every second with you feels like flying.

Because your smile gives me hope
and your eyes give me faith
but the way you looked at me
after the first time we kissed...

it made me believe
believe we could be
believe we were
believe we would last.

But when you look at me now
all I see is emptiness
no love
no nothing
you just don´t care....

Do you ?

But I still love as much as I did after our first date
when you hold my hand while we were riding our bikes next to each other
and how you gave me you hoodie because I felt cold
and how when I came home the smell of your perfume was surrounding me.

And I wanna love you so bad
but I feel like I have to stop

Because the more I love you the more I lose myself
and I am betraying myself by telling me maybe
he does love you too

and i will lose myself.

But at the same time loving you feels like all I can do
and all I am supposed to do.

Because i love you so much
I believed maybe just maybe I can love myself

I will always love you
and I hope one day you can love me too.
This is for the boy who decided I wasn´t worth it.
Katinka Sep 2018
I can not sleep, but I am so tired
I can not eat and everytime I do I feel like throwing up

even just taking a ******* shower
feels like the hardest thing on earth
standing up in the morning seems impossible.

It feels like my whole world is breaking
into a million pieces
like my heart is being torn apart

I just can´t stop thinking about you

And saying I miss you or even I love feels so wrong
and so right at the same time

I feel like you are my burden

like right now I don´t just have to carry my own weight
but also the weight you left, when you decided
I wasn´t worth it.

When you decided we would never be
and thats the point you decided
...I never did
Katinka Sep 2018
I miss you
every second, every minute...
every hour of the day I am not with you

looking back at our pictures, it hurts
like ropes tearing me apart.

Seeing you slowly fading away...from me
from my life, from us

I want to hold you
want to press your body onto mine
I wanna feel your kiss
I want to be one with you

All I can do is think about you

And how you look at her now,
the way you used to look at me.

How you´re holding her,
the way you hold me that day.

And I can not stop thinking about you kissing her,
like we did.

And I miss you
Oh god I miss you so much
and I hate you.

But mostly I hate that I can´t hate you
not even a little bit.
The last sentences is inspiered by my favorite movie 10 things I hate about you.
  Sep 2018 Katinka
DancingEnt
I am angry
I am hurt
I am sad
I am lost
I am looking
I am hungry
I am annoyed
I am tired
I am crying
I am shouting
I am vulnerable
But most importantly
I am loved
  Sep 2018 Katinka
DarkSkyesRising
No
You cant have my tears
Not this time

I'm tired of crying
About the same ****
I'm tired
Tired

You cant have them
Not this time
No

I will keep them

For something worth crying over
  Sep 2018 Katinka
Bella
You’re a rose among many thorns
They say
Well let me tell you
They’re wrong.

I’m not beautiful
And I’m not precious
I don’t come in different colors
I only come in one:
An envious green.

I’m sharp,
Not soft.
I’m edgy,
Not pretty.

I’m all bite,
No bark.
I don’t even remember when I wrote this. I’m assuming a very long time ago. I’m pretty sure I wrote it when I was going through a little rampage. But thankfully it was just a phase^^
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