burning and destructing
until only our souls are recognizable
seeing the world through new eyes
each time we venture
into the life we had lived before
we must beg the question:
does this belong with me
with what i have become
must i build my new life
from pieces of the old,
if they are not reborn as i have been
or am i meant to start anew
and dig deeper to wonder:
should they become unrecognizable,
as i have,
will we ever rekindle?
are we supposed to?

i am sitting in the office
listening to the old women i work with
they rarely work, usually gossip
sometimes talk about work or the lack therof which they do
one woman is talking about
how her ultimate downfall
when she had started this job
was that she didn't
clean the **** off of the bottom of the sinks

before i tuned into that conversation,
stephen hawking had just informed me
that the ultimate goal of every human
is to have an absolute theory for why we're here
how we got here
and what that means
as i tuned in to their exhange
i wonder if this is hyperbole
(as was their conversation)
since these women didn't appear to care
why they're here
perhaps the theory of relativity
works with minds as well
the farther away you get from an idea
the more it repels you

I wish pouring my heart out was as easy as making my breakfast
-S

My body scares you but I won't stop dancing.



- LynnAA

You said you’d call at 8. I watched the clock tick by from 7:55 to 7:56 counting down the four extra minutes there was in this hour before I got to hear your voice. I try to keep myself occupied but my head fills up with so much excitement knowing we’ll be able to share a conversation soon, ideas and opinions flooding each other’s brains with “well this is what I think” and “when I look at the stars I wish I could be sitting next to you.” But it’s 8:15 now and my phone still hasn’t rung. Waiting on your precious call made time slow down for me because I sat there and waited. And waited, and waited but I didn’t realize I was waiting for nothing. I text you to ask if something is wrong or try to refresh your memory knowing that we had this phone call appointment together. You text me back immediately explaining you couldn’t and that you would have told me but you are just so busy. But with what? I text you back explaining I under-stand but I have never been so confused. Three days later we schedule to see one another, as plans follow through I’m happy that you didn’t forget. I shrug off you missing our phone date and begin smiling at you pouring my rawest emotions into my grin. You tell the ******* the phone you just need five minutes. Those pass exactly as time does. She hadn’t experienced the 8:15 so why did I? You left accordingly touching me gently like a flower making me feel as if I were to be touched again by you. Two weeks later I get subtle messages from you and you continue to not find time for me. I can no longer take the abuse you are beating into my head with your words and excommunicated actions. Do you want to make love to me as we hear the rain fall from the skies or dig into my brain casting a tornado inside to scramble my thoughts every-where not knowing where to pick anything up. Either way your intentions cause an emotional disaster. You said you’d call at 11 to apologize for the way you’ve been behaving so I wait, once more. It hit midnight before rivers flew down my cheeks and then you called, but I gave you a 12:15 and you gave me a goodbye.
-S