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Jan 10 · 217
Dear John
Joshua Dougan Jan 10
i feel older now.
you can feel the stakes change.
aging, children, marriage, ... death.
bills become more worrisome.
money gets tight.
dreams diminish
thought stretched.
... death.
Im sorry to the ones who didnt get to say goodbye.
the ones who couldnt go on.
for those who gave up.
im sorry.
I cant imagine suffocating like that.
except i can. and it hurts
I love you
Godspeed loved one.
Sep 2019 · 138
Black is my Mirror
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
I'm going to disconnect, I am a Luddite.
This crap is evil, it's no pie in the sky sunshine.
Distractions make you stupid is as stupid does.
I'm not even joking, it's looping in to dupe the duds.
Every single person addicted as the day is long.
No one talks about it, just ******* about play and song.
A black mirror for your black soul, its a raw deal.
A sad state that you're trapped whole to a sawmill.
A bunch of headless chickens concerned about the dirt.
You're really just feckless, perturbed, and proud of your hurt.
Masochistic in nature, addicted to dependence in head.
I've found you all hate to be happy and pander to fear instead...
You hate yourselves, what you've become is nothing.
It's not very fair, or solace, but to some its something.
I guess ill leave you with that, there's really nothing else to say.
Except maybe... try for freedom, and loving health today.
Sep 2019 · 128
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
fine tuned frequencies lay at my palm
expanding mind eager to strain the song.
Notes undulating unearthing a setting tone.
expanse fraying its end to trembling hone.
Assembling home, to carefully move away.
ascending the dome we fully soothe;sway.
Playing with the darkness on doomsday.
the globe centers its interest to true phrase.
Sep 2019 · 112
To who It May Concern
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
Lost and Broken we try to reason ourselves sane.
Inching forward stoking the treason, we felt change.
We felt Chains, and dealt pain to keep our cells clean.
We jumped off of a crazy train to keep a failed dream.
I know you don't understand, you wouldn't care to.
a very underhanded thought but a fair truth.

Sincerely yours,
Despaired Youth
Sep 2019 · 179
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
As I look at a screen I read up on Screen addiction.
Im hooked and I steep, what a mean affliction.
Sep 2019 · 72
Joshua Dougan Sep 2019
phone in the drawer,  alone with my thoughts.
i drone on to a bore, a stone with no plot.
approaching soul rot, im thrown out of the door.
a moan so unsure, ive grown so distraught.
Mar 2018 · 313
Obsessive Anxiety
Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
I run and I run away from those feelings.
I drug up my lungs, I pray for soul healing.
But I'ma mute, it's truth with shady dealings
I recuse and lose, it is my daily beatings.
It's got a grip on my throat, my heart in a vise
And I trip over my goals with hardened advice.
A charcoal ladened vice and a pardoned crime.
It Leaves me crippled, like im charting high tides.
If you need me to spell it out you won't understand.
You see me in hell, a self inflicted somber glance.
An argument with one helluva colder trance.
A trance that has me blundering over chance.
You can try to help me but you will fall short.
Cause this monster is huge, with a long cord
Wrapping it around my neck, tears drawn.
Drowning, all around while these fears spawn.
Generalized anxiety with obsessive compulsion and silent depression.
Mar 2018 · 512
Unfinished Peace
Joshua Dougan Mar 2018
Guess what?
Ive met my purpose,
My head's up and I've blessed the curses.
Last thing I wanna do is start blasphemin
Truth on the surface
Cause you're my Lord, Jesus, now I'm believing you.
And I'm worthless ...

I watched you carry your cross and blessed behold ya
A child was born in Bethlehem and now it's finished, on the road in Golgotha.
A scourge taken, striped with blood and denied your Haven.
They spit on you... And you felt God forsaken.
But You asked and your father forgave them

Your mother watched as they tortured you.
Your breathing stopped just short of your fortitude
left you atop The cross, with a sordid view
Stripped of your clothing they were doubled and quartered too.
Gambled upon like the souls of subtle who murdered you.

It's your servitude.
Feb 2017 · 980
Domestic Abuse
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
I gave someone an inch, they dragged me for miles.
Called me "*******"; some laughed but no one smiled.
Now I'm suffering like this, this bastardized trial.
Lovers that hit while they kiss its the standard I've reviled
I'm tired. I admit I'm soured to the pit.
But this fire that's within is like the flowers to the kids.
Disclaimer: This is not inspired by my life. This poem just evolved from the first two lines. I love my wife, I love my kids, so this more or less is about the moment when someone opens themselves up to abusive people.
Feb 2017 · 390
Durge Comp
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
Playing through the scratches and blemishes to reveal a time less complicated.
Ever find that "mix tape" cd in the dark corner of some crevice, badly beaten to hell waiting for you to put it out of its misery and instead you pop it in a player and it by the grace of God plays every single song taking you back in time?
Feb 2017 · 552
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
Close my eyes and drift away.
Everyday, sitting in this shade of shame.
Sow my mind, been sick and dazed
Day to day living with these Jaded traits.

Close my eyes see scenes so tame.
Labored breathing leaving me awake.
So my mind it seems to fade,
To all the ones leading me to keep the faith.

Love my life, but weep away.
Hide the knife, you won't see my face.
The truest advice to reap the fray
Was when you told me to seize the day.
Feb 2017 · 867
Joshua Dougan Feb 2017
People should be a little bit brighter
A little bit happier, don't be a miser.

Why is everyone so quick to anger,
So scared of danger and sick on paper.
Get a life, learn to smile you fakers.
Nothing in this world is gonna make it safer.

Misery loves company trust me it's ugly.
They came to be lovely til their feelings need cuddling.
Coddling is more like it, insulating even.
They don't realize they're insinuating treason.

Inciting some violence by some violet snowflakes.
Protesting the silence with science and show dates.

Our heroes reborn, a new purpose and will.
All zeroes now scorned by the true service of skill.
Jan 2017 · 2.2k
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Be it legal or against the law do it responsibly.
I am peaceful but First things first this isn't a democracy.
Americans thirst for a social utopian ideology.
But they settle for copious amounts of frozen philosophy.
It isn't regal. Americans Constantly Insisting comradery.
Right now the world is a messed up place and people are very angry at each other. Well some would argue it's always been that way but nonetheless people need to stay positive, have faith, and try to understand why law is there for everyone's benefit. Wether you can see it now or not we need to come together because there is definitely people in the world who want to do us harm.
Jan 2017 · 1.3k
Birth of Esther.
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Hello Baby Girl, welcome to this crazy situation.
This world of opportunity and lazy Lamentations.
Don't worry though my daughter, we will be alright.
Cause we're not to falter, we always see what's right.
Your family loves you, they won't leave you be.
But trust me at the end of the day it will be you and me.
Cause I'm your daddy and your my blessed beauty.
And the love I feel for you really says it truly.
Bringing you into this world of so much pressure,
Me and your mom decided to call you Esther.
Your middle is Marie, and your last takes after me.
But trust me you will always be my Georgia Peach.
My daughter was born last night. 6lbs7oz 19in long at 8:10pm. Esther Marie is poised to make us a very proud family. We love her and are very happy to have finally met her.
Jan 2017 · 674
War of words
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Rules, regulation and form, allows for the greatest accord.
A ruse, my elation, at the shore with the bravest of swords.
Let me explain, poetry should be like a storm, a war of the words.
But Treat every one like a worm: your encouraging your curse.
You can't move forward without inertia at your back.
It's just the set of rules that allow Us to teach that.
So yes, the form and regulations enable the greatest of sets.
But unless you use them you will just be a sadist at best.
Jan 2017 · 386
Free speech
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Imagine that, a peaceful protest is made using silly string and good intentions.
Not to mention, smiles instead of bandanas no silly screaming and sitting sessions.
They were protesting, trying to speak: a far cry from the left protesting free speech.
A populous training, maintaining, no resting, no peace.
Jan 2017 · 581
A night like this.
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
A night as quaint as this has no place for the bravest kids.

It teeter totters right on faith and sin
As a creature falters inside made of pins and needles eager to fray the wit.

A leader fathers the right to slay and bleed away at the sane and sick.
And there you are, tamed and whipped.

A night as quaint as this has no need to embrace these kids
Jan 2017 · 571
An Idea
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
I actually haven't written raps in quite some time. Just poetry, but I got my start in 2008 on a website called my16bars (it has since gone down sadly) but I retained a lot of what I learned there.

There was a cool group of us young men who were daily users and we always shared our rhymes with each other and gave the best most honest critiques we could. as a group we wanted to elevate ourselves.

Life circumstances has changed me a lot, I have a son and am days away from having my daughter with my wife. Our life is great except for all the hardship,superficial and immediate. That's why I'm back at it now. And I take it a bit more serious. I'm shooting for poetry, wether traditional or slam but still I take a lot from rap lyricists and r n b artists.

I guess my idea is this tho, hello poetry is great but "likes" are kind of dated and hard to get. This will quickly become a popularity contest if we focus on the little heart. Instead I'm thinking of starting a chain, or forwarding group that we can share and critique, as well as repost and share/add to collections. This seems really redundant considering poetry groups are around and prevalent. But nobody, and you can look into this, nobody critiques poetry here. So people who rhyme are never tried and tested to do better.

The reason why a cypher works in rap is because if you **** people call you out right? Well that's not how it happens here in hello poetry, instead everyone likes and doesn't comment, or comments but no like, or likes and reposts but no comment. But I don't see anyone telling people that they could have done better, no one says "that's cool but maybe if you tried it this way" and honestly I myself am afraid to try this as well out of fear that my trying to be helpful will be misconstrued as an insult.

Poets can be the most sensitive people and for good cause. I liken myself to sensitivity but I hope one day we won't have to worry about hurting each others feelings and we can start really motivating each other to elevate our status. To do better. I'm not just searching for people to make me a better poet I'm looking for poets who want to get better with me.
If you're interested in working with me please get in touch as all opportunities have a shelf life.
Jan 2017 · 728
Throw away your California.
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
California is a *****.
She's rude and obnoxious and
She doesn't give a ****.
She doesn't care about me...
Or my family...
Every threat I face she blames MY anatomy.
California harbors resentment, look at the lot of coverage.
Except it's directed east of LA and at laws that govern it.
It's really despicable, dare I say "deplorable".
Don't put your eggs in this basket trust me it's horrible.
Can I help build this wall. I will gladly volunteer my work towards this project if by doing so I can possible got out of the hell hole that is California. In fact I will volunteer under no pretense if we extend the wall to seal the inside of California from the rest of the country.
Jan 2017 · 859
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
I'm about to have a baby at 36 weeks
My wife is the only person I have to talk to.
My only support structure needs my support.
My rock is my son but he can't speak words yet.
My family seems preoccupied. Even during times like this.
I have friends... Oh wait... Where?
The first time was so stressful because we weren't sure what would happen.
Now we are just unprepared...
There's emotional support but everyone stops short of actually helping. Sad but true.
Meeting my daughter was supposed to be different.
I'm just upset I couldn't make it perfect for her.
Jan 2017 · 304
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
People of California... Get a grip.
That's all...
Jan 2017 · 1.6k
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Have some standards poets!
Your audience beckons you.
If you talk about genitalia...
Then think of what that says of you.
A supple blossom, coupled with utter elation,
It is not grabbing her breast: your udder titillation.
Write what you will, poetry is of the heart.
But don't force yourself on her and call it art!
Jan 2017 · 2.1k
Herbert Marcuse!
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Marcuse! Marcuse! Where the **** are you?
He moved to California and all he could do was argue.
Instead of gratitude through platitudes and assimilation,
He sought to change the west with his social trepidation.
A change is coming, from West to East
As society embraces that Germans beast.
"You're a ****** if I say so, an idiot racist with a scapegoat."
The only fun he ever had was raging in his raincoat.
The man was ungrateful and stole our academia.
Now all schools teach is his prepackaged mass anemia.
Purging true thought, cursing the whole lot while he's at it.
Burning loose crops, as each kids churning an addict.
Marcuse! Marcuse! where the **** are you?
Marcuse! Marcuse! How the **** could you?
If being inspired by others to speak on behalf of my own feelings and logic is bigotry or racist then so be it. It's time to move past political correctness and "social justice" and allow individual thought to flourish again. The radicalized left have kidnapped poetry and the arts and us as individual artists need to take it back.  Poetry was never non denominational, poetry was never non partisan. Be objective in everything. Art is to reflect passion sacrifice and most of all used to reflect the biases of the artist themselves.
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Are we alt-right? Are we alright?
When definitions change will all see it outright?
Go ahead be proud, eat hash.
Understand the insecurities of the backlash.
For now Lets try this Tea. (You see?)
With open mind and objectivity.
Jan 2017 · 255
Oakhurst California
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Once the trees are all dead and gone they will have nothing but rocks and bad attitudes
Jan 2017 · 459
One word.
Joshua Dougan Jan 2017
Fair weather.
It's one way to be.
Just not for me, In fact...
insane to be.
Share your pain,
I care about you.
But you refrain exclaiming "harrowing" truths.
Except in this instance
I wouldn't know.
Communication never continued to grow.
It's easy to forget in favor of life circumstance.
But not easy to be forgotten and feeling circumvent.
You could have just said "hello"
It wouldn't have hurt a bit.

But it's alright I realize your life is just "a bit more pertinent"
Dec 2016 · 1.3k
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
Passing the sheets over his eyes,
"Boo!" Met with laughter beyond reprise.
Passing the sheets over his eyes,
"Boo!" Gazing through the stars that shine at night.
Passing the sheets over his eyes,
"Boo!" Soaking up little moments That are gifted, with the boy.
Passing the sheets over his eyes,
"Boo!" Wondering how long I can keep this up,

you know?...
Passing the sheets over his eyes,


Afraid to blink, afraid to miss time.
Dec 2016 · 738
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
The sun in my arms so radiant and peaceful.
A bright shine in the way of a smile miles wide.
The sun in my stars has my reaffirming faith.
His kind eyes have a way of glimmering lightly.
Leaving one to wonder, just how can anything be so.
Dec 2016 · 416
Take a chance.
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
At a comedy show where a man got stabbed.
It wasn't funny, herded like cattle and expected to dance.
In the throes of Vegas, we had grown so blatant.
Today wasn't the day, we would not be caged in.
At a comedy show where an old man had to be dad.
Nepotism opens the show in the form of a jam kind of band.
Cackled like he's 80, shackled to the 80's with a tan
A man with few fans but still a brand that was most hated; sans man.
"A comedy show where we laugh with our friends." A tag attracts to no end.
Take a chance on the awfully droll. A trance with no chance.
Happening during happenstance
Dec 2016 · 653
Smoking Mirrors
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
The princess is dead, a tragic loss in mid air.
Our boy George has passed the torch along to his heir.
Major Tom blasted into space and ***** wonka was cast in haste.
But now we are drawn to the stage so sincere.
Dec 2016 · 886
Don't speak
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
Speak from the heart. The tip of the tongue.
Fly off the cuff, The hip of your gun.
Set scenes apart, a trip to the sun.
Getting High on the huff, the gifting of love.

Speak from the heart, easier said then done.
Treat it like art, Feeding the dread with glum.
Speak from the heart, easier said then done.
Freezing at start, leading the dead with guns.
Dec 2016 · 653
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
Keep it short, keep it sweet.
Count to four and leap in deep.
If unsure just keep at ease.
Dreaming thru the leaves and trees.
Keep it short, keep it sweet.
Breaching shores to sweet relief
Keep it short, keep it sweet.
A mean retort. A breeze to seize.
Dec 2016 · 531
To the left.
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
"Radical", "Alternative", "Identity"...
A vitriol like societal vasectomy.
"Rights", "Privilege", "****** Freedom".
A sensation of consensual treason.
"Liberal", "Conservative", based on the republic of democracy.
Criminal words. A pejorative state in the public... A hypocrisy.
Divisive, an American conscription to racism.
Leading to globalization in the face of its statism.
It is what it ism, a pseudo intellectual cataclysm.
A simple decision, the prism of sensually fanatic but static visions.
I guess it's time to rethink the lies of your main game.
But then again... Belief is one thing that I've yet to maintain.
Dec 2016 · 885
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
In introspect,
hindsights stumbling over intuition.
Guts hard as a rock.
Minds eye coupling with superstition.
Feeling lost, without a paddle, up the stream facing tomorrow.
Trading calls, seizing, coughing out a scream. Laced with a sorrow.
Silence escapes the harrowed moment.
a siren: opaque.
Privately shamed, a borrowed atonement and a giant mistake.
Dec 2016 · 314
White Man
Joshua Dougan Dec 2016
"White man, white man!" that's what I am.
A melting *** of privilege taken out of my hand.
A white man humiliated, just to misunderstand.
All the while apologizing for my good ol' Uncle Sam:
I am.

A Liberal heresy, a conservative tragedy; an academic policy of preserving its blasphemy.

Racial division, it's what sets us apart.
Literally dividing both sections a part.
You can fight it, accept it, leave it or treat it.
Or refuse to let it dictate, just believe it and seize it.

White man, white man, it's what I am.
A melting *** of privilege I do not understand.
A white man humiliated and set apart.
To ponder their indifference to how I play my part.
This is personally political. Take what you will.
Nov 2016 · 209
Lost it.
Joshua Dougan Nov 2016
Does it **** to ****? Is it luck or love..
Such nonsense must be lust.
Like a mucky muck that ***** me up and leaves a blotch on the conscience.
Does it **** to ****? It's just about
The bunch of lovers and concepts.
A cunning ****, a blubbering bunch
Of chemicals covered in staunchness.

His cognitive botched it
And they watched as they lost him.
Sep 2014 · 323
Joshua Dougan Sep 2014
Poetry needs to be free, like a flowing river.
Free to follow the current or break apart.
However it can only be as free as the source.
Will this poem, or this river, grow and flourish the land or simply dry up before it reaches its potential?
Jul 2014 · 858
Joshua Dougan Jul 2014
I used to write to a beat like I had a rap to repeat.
I'd laugh cause I'm weak and I lied through my teeth.

I was not that angry but still upset as I said "**** don't faze me, but I lose my breath." As I lose respect.

Still... I liked to think I had the right to peace,

To change my world or try at least.

Looking back my writtens were livid.
Simplistic, moody blips driven by visions.

Just wicked.

It was time for a change I took a sabbatical, no more syphoning rage now I'm living less radical.

I used to write to a beat like I had a rap to repeat.
But now I laugh and I weep. Live life til I collapse and that's me.
Dec 2013 · 446
I can't think
Joshua Dougan Dec 2013
I can't think,
Poems lack a certain tragedy.
My black ink
Blots while the person laughs at me.
The masks seize
As this gets worse and saddens me.
And lastly,
A Trance bleeds the curse so magically.

It's trapping me.
Dec 2013 · 390
Joshua Dougan Dec 2013
27 poems, 25 years,
And Such a short amount of time
to thank you for your eyes and ears.
Sep 2013 · 630
Joshua Dougan Sep 2013
Bred of you who lacks master views.
A brat to smack, Abuse and Mask the bruise.
Attract doom, and gloom that reacts at last for few.
So backtrack the move and trap the mood.
Jul 2013 · 432
Joshua Dougan Jul 2013
Why would I change the flow of which i need to mimic those that speak of poetry?

You know what I mean?

So old and obscene. droves of bone and teeth and a cynical prose of droll they sold to me.
Jul 2013 · 715
Joshua Dougan Jul 2013
Usually I explode words on the page with unflinching hope and accuracy.
A treasure trove or curse, are the days. uplifting souls from blasphemy.
But a tragedy speaks, of everlasting grief, Pictured on a stellar tapestry.
It portrays an unknown that leaves my pen inactive... Great...
Jun 2013 · 484
First in a while.
Joshua Dougan Jun 2013
She pulls you in with thoughts and wishes.
A fool you've been, got lost in kisses.
And as you fall from within you fog your vision.
So when she's gone your left distraught and livid.
Resent keeps building as you toss the innocence.
And the sentence is lost like the woman in the box your living in.
No talks worth sitting thru, you'd rather dodge the privilege.
But now your alone and insecure, it's the cost of sickness.

But you live with it.
May 2013 · 495
Joshua Dougan May 2013
I want to shed my skin and shake the dust.
Not just year of the snake or sin, but also faith and love.
I want to heal from the inside out and not bother with the vain, and lust.
But I regret the trip of craving sick.
Just some appeal that's designed from the pain of us.
May 2013 · 501
Four lines
Joshua Dougan May 2013
I didnt grow up nice, I didnt grow up mean.
I grew up fast, I bullied, then I Went green.
I didnt throw up signs but I've blown up beats.
Too few and too fast but never tongue in cheek.
May 2013 · 879
A fog
Joshua Dougan May 2013
As the fog piques my vision my pen trembles.
Papers crumple and my head is weathered, I think to myself:

"I wish I could control what I write, tho...
It'd be unusually droll to decide to
Just rhyme about what excites to **** time.

I don't know anyone who would trade lives for picket signs.
To tell the whole world of all those who lived and died.
They're content to check themselves out and stress over ticket times while wondering which way to tint their eyes.

Their sick inside.
A fickle kind.

But in a world of cause and effect with laws in effect,
Did we ever control anything?
Including the applause during sets."...

...And as the fogs pouring in, just beyond four am.
I ask myself, "am I lost? and how far gone is my pen?"
No answer leaves me wondering on til the end
And As the paper crumples I move on to my bed.
May 2013 · 887
Joshua Dougan May 2013
Being an introvert is kind of rough,
You see, cause I believe in finding love.
A sight to see... but I'm blind to luck.
Cause in the end, inside I'm stuck.
May 2013 · 547
Thought on time.
Joshua Dougan May 2013
Today is a new day although the memory of yesterday remains in my bones.
I only see whats to come yet I'm constantly aware and present inside my head.

In school they taught it like a lineage. A linear point separated by time.
Past present and future.

So how is it that these three realities are here, are now, working together to form my perception?
May 2013 · 386
Untitled Rhyme.
Joshua Dougan May 2013
They say "actions speak louder then words" that we are defined by what we do.
I say we are defined by the fact we keep in mind each one of you.
Please stay in tune.
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