I'm sorry for the way that I am;
For all of my flaws, all of my insecurities.
I'm sorry for the way that I am;
The way I gravitate towards you,
the way I light up when I see you.
I'm sorry for the smile that plasters across my face
when you tell a story.
For the way I think about you always,
writing thousands of words to try to describe you.
For how I instantly miss you,
craving your voice,
craving your warmth.
I'm sorry that I constantly sing
the notes of your name.
I wish you could hear the melodies I can create.
I'm sorry for always trying to be happy,
but failing regularly.
I'm sorry for being kind,
caring too much,
and hoping for a better tomorrow.
I'm sorry for being jealous.
For all the times I was too protective,
for the times I watched you cry and didn't grab your hand;
For the long letters I've written you,
the pictures I was too shy to take,
and for losing who you used to be.
I'm sorry for not being enough for you.
For being so dark, such a tortured soul.
For the scars on my wrist,
the imperfection of my body,
the half hearted smile.
For letting myself care too much.
I'm so sorry;
So sorry, for the way that I am.

I don’t love you dear, because you make me laugh, or smile, and never judge.

I don’t love you friend, because you’re almost always on my side.

I don’t love you because you make kick-*** coffee drinks, or because you don’t try to understand my pain.

No friend, I don’t love you because you’ve seen me at my best and worst or because you’ve seen me high and sober.

I love you because you’ve helped me.
Because you never ask why.
Because you found a way out of the labyrinth.
Because you pushed past the pasts.
Because you hate my pain.
Because you give everything, always, even if it means you hurt.


I love you dear friend, because you’ve struggled, lost, failed, and you’re here, pushing on.

Moving Forward.

And I’ll be there; I’ll be your mother, your sister, your shoulder, your spine.
I’ll be your guide, build you up so you can keep up, keep moving.
Because, friend, I’d only be returning the favor.

Two days I sat
Talking with Death
I told him I loved him
He called me his Beth
I wanted his love.
All for naught.
He made me his queen
Now here I rot.
I thought he loved me
It turns out
He just wanted to get out
Out of his role, I sold my soul
To the man that brought me into this world.

I am my evil twin

when I let the worst of me

get the best of me.

So, how are you?
Hopefully, you don’t have that cough anymore,
Because that would be tough for me for sure.

So, how was your day?
You might be up again till the morning,
Because you have been thinking, writing.

So, how is your heart?
If it is hurting,
Don’t worry, I’m here to listen.

So, will you not ask how I am?
For you, that might not be a big issue,
While I’m here, so much missing you.

--Originally written in Winaray--

Ginmimingaw Ako Ha Imo

*Ano kumusta ka na?
Kunta diri ka na gin-iinubo,
Kun diri, masusubo gud ako.

Ano kumusta an imo adlaw?
Bangin nagpiniraw ka na liwat,
Pagpinanhuna-huna, pagsinurat.

Ano kumusta an imo kasing-kasing?
Kin malain it imo ginbabati,
Ayaw kabaraka, pwede man ako mamati.

Ano diri ka mangungumusta ha akon?
Para ha imo, waray la siguro,
Samtang ako adi, ginmimingaw ha imo hin duro.

Twisted morbid thoughts
Venomous dreams
Poisonous looks
Life ******* streams
Love dies
Memories fade
Hearts grow cold
Feelings go numb
Lonely empty open space
All the time in the world to waste
Alone in life is alone in death
Never alone when on crystal ****.

© 1997 Crystal Erickson