Sometimes you have no reason to stay,
and realize that's a perfect argument to go.
And that taking an entirely new way,
is the sore but single method to grow.

If you're washed-on abeyance's bight,
and you feel decision's heavy heft:
To choose the left where nothing's right,
or go to the right where nothing's left.

Remember it matters not where you proceed,
or which mountain you want to ascend.
It does not matter whether you succeed,
it is the journey that matters in the end.

Sometimes
You gather thoughts
That you otherwise
Try to erase from
Your mind

Things that you
Should have done
Would have done
Wished had been done
Or thought may have happened...

You grow up wanting to get married
Have a white picket fence
Start a family
Be career driven
Be successful
Be stable...

Sometimes these things don’t work out
But that’s ok...
For me all these things came true except one....

Start a family...
As this still ways heavy on my mind
The possibility is still there but seems to be drifting away more with each passing day...
But to start a family doesn’t always mean having a child of your own
It means being a parental figure to others who need it
Being a guidance to your nieces and nephews
A supporter to others
Among many other things

Just because we haven’t had a child of our own (yet, maybe never)
I will always look at myself as a mother
Everything happens for a reason
Time will tell if I ever will be a mother to my own child
But I have to look at the bigger picture and tell myself
                           “I actually have been a mom for quite sometime, to many other children throughout my life”

For
that
reason
all
of
my
wishes
have
come
true.....

Tossing and turning
All night long
Falling asleep
Then waking up
Couldn’t sleep at all
My mind wouldn’t shut off
2am and still awake
Can I just go to sleep
For heavens sake
Left the bed
Came out to the comfy chair
Finally felt relaxed
When binx(my cat)
Curled up with me
Purring so loud, on my lap
Fell asleep for a little
In my comfy chair
Moved back to the bedroom
Around 4:30 am
Finally sleeping
Without a care

Why wouldn’t my mind shut off
Why couldn’t I relax
Hoping tonight
Won’t be a repeat
Like the last....

I've heard mystery stories
described as 'a blind man
in a dark room looking for
a cat that isn't there'
unfortunately, that's my life
& it's not a metaphor;
===I like to use the word
'simply' just as I like the word
'just', 'simply' & 'merely'
when I mean 'only'; when I
mean everything is individual
no matter what it is; the
universe, snowflakes,
fingerprints; no two mirrors
are alike, there are no twos;
the blind man is still blind;
the room is still dark; the cat is
still black & it's still not there

Playing in puddles
Not so deep
Having fun
Beating the heat
There’s one puddle
That out of the blue
Stops you dead
In your tracks
Electrifying you
Stinging you
Like a jellyfish
Don’t see it coming
This wasn’t pure bliss
This is life
You  just never know
Which puddles
Are poisoned
Sending shock waves
Directly at your heart
Like a shark bite
Leaving it’s mark
Of the battle wombs
We all encounter
Leaving us with scars
And our stories to tell...

don't be pure; I don't want
u to be pure; told an ugly
girl she was ugly;
she didn't want to hear that;
'tell me I'm pretty,' she said
so I told her she
was pretty & she believed
me; now I lie all the time
& everyone believes me;
don't be pure; I don't want u
to be pure

I can feel the bricks I laid myself
I beg you, say you put some here too
Don't let me take all the blame
It's so much easier to put some on you



Take me when I'm desperate
Take me when I'm crying
I'll write messages of desperation and then send them flying


Look at 'em go, are you happy now?
Tear-stained paper planes.. are they found found found?

Spit covered, blood smothered, letters in ****** condition
I've been trying, talking night after night, do you even listen?


Smashing little fists against bricks desperately
Aching knuckles and broken skin is all that's left of me
I've never gotten a letter back
I've never heard you respond
Sometimes I feel this is a bit of a one sided bond


How do expect me to love someone who never visits?
I've tried so hard to do so, but all I can do is believe you exist...


Take me out of this garden before I climb the wall myself
I'll fold each limb meticulously
and leap out of this barren hell

----

Naked from my mother's womb I came
not a sin to my name, so insignificant
Naked from my father's bones I came
Little Eve was born an innocent


Adam walked around like he was the first man on Earth
He called himself the image of God, tried to diminish my worth
You tried to tempt me as a snake but now I'm on alert
No matter what you say you're still made from the dirt

Welcome to the Garden of Eden!
We tried as hard as possible, its still filled with heathens
Look at Adam, look at Eve
Won’t be long now till they’re forced to leave