i watch the liquid crimson surface on my skin,
emerge from the depths of my being,
away it falls from me,
the stinging sensation filling me,
with joy?
no
with release.
with the freedom to control me.
the swift motion of the blade,
is me,
not her,
not him,
not them.
me
I decide my fate.

I will not lie,
I still feel the hurt,
Still feel my flesh burn
when I hear her name.
Like a knife to the scars trying to heal,
her name slashes me,
kills me,
defeats me.
And for what?
A two week fling thrown together by mutual heartache?
It pains me still,
wraps me in the embrace of fear,
Of torture.
does he love me?
or is it her?
the voices in my head echo,
across the vast emptiness,
engaging every fear,
triggering every impulse,
making me feel second,
used,
worn,
weathered.

They creep in,
like a haunting breeze,
Goosebumps ***** my skin,
my heart sinks,
it tingles as it slides down,
Past despair,
Past the emptiness,
Past the broken promise,
And broken faith.
Those feelings,
I don't wish to feel,
The hope I wanted to have,
The few shreds of faith I cling to,
My dreams,
The future,
I hope
Oh how I hope,
And long,
Long to be a priority...
My heart aches for a free soul.
Lost in the journey of freedom,
Overtaken by the intoxication of new.
I wait though it kills me,
Burns my eyes, and slashes my heart,
Love though it kills me,
My desire for you crushes me,
Leaves me alone at night,
Holding only my dreams and a tear stained pillow.
All I wanted was your love,
Your attention,
You affection.
Give me love,
Or set me free...
Don't let me wait,
**** me now,
Not slowly.

You knew I needed you,
you chose not to care.
You knew I was breaking,
you chose to ignore it,
sip a beer,
have a laugh,
avoid caring...
while I drown,
while I suffocate,
spinning into a bottomless void,
of light and dark,
of empty promises,
and broken hope,
into the feelings you never had.

You pledge devotion,
yet you forget to call.
Swear by you love for me,
but you're not all there,
only part way,
when you need me...
for I cannot reach you,
can't even call for you,
I just sit and think,
and cry,
and break.

Tomorrow we will wake up,
in two different worlds.
You with a hangover,
and me with a swollen face.
You naive and giddy,
and me,
weighed down with my heavy heart,
unable to feel anything else.

Please understand my love,
I cannot stay here,
I cannot die here.
I cannot be here.

Numb the pain,
dry your tears,
hide the loss,
bury the broken promises.
Conceal your face among those who wander,
lost,
searching for meaning,
from a cure from the emptiness.

you've become diluted.
What was once a strong,
poignant love,
has become watered down.
I used to be drunk,
saturated in your devotion,
it was everything i needed,
my nourishment,
my life line.
Then it was cut,
ties were severed,
and you were gone,
slipped from my grasp,
only memories were left to light the darkness that filled me.

Your loved entranced me,
filled me with ecstasy,
your leaving extinguished me,
crushed my faith
obliterated my hope.
but you came back,
and filled me with love,
took my hand and led me out.
Embraced me with your passion,
took my fears away,
close the distance,
this gap between our hearts,
saturate me with your love.

close the distance,
pull me close,
i am counting on you,
putting my faith in you,
one last time,
spread my arms,
and i jump,
i am falling,
again, head over heels,
love me
hold me
trust me
be with me
I love you.