I want to say the change came from a scare
But I truly believe that it came from me no giving a ****, not giving myself the care.
I was running out of ink, nearing the edge of the page
Another year passed by, closer to my last year on the stage.
But what is this? What is this light that attracts my gaze?
This little light that twinkles, this little light that searches for love with compassion & craze?
It’s a beautiful Rose that is overlook and left alone
Left betrayed, left broken and ******.
Never thought this road would lead us to each other
Never thought I would find a Rose that would help me recover
Let us open up this new book and learn from these old pages
Let us show the world that nothing can faze us.

That’s one of the most self ask question that we can all relate to
Why is it so difficult to answer?
Maybe it’s because there isn’t the right answer, or maybe because we are afraid to…
Know what’s on the next page let alone the next chapter.
So we end up looking in the mirror
Because what it gives us is reassurance of something that is real
But sometimes our reflection aren’t clear
We see something that isn’t us, we see something that shouldn’t appear.
So I ask myself again, who am I?
Am I who I was? Or am I who you made?
I’m Jose, the first of many
What more can I say.

2/25/19
8-4:30

The roads are quite & empty
If these roads could speak they'll paint your walls from white to  
Blue
What serendipity

Almost falling asleep to these whispering roads
A smooth seductive vibe it brings
Looking at the seat next to me where you sat with your **** red lips &  
Diamond earrings
But those days are gone now, old memories implodes

Focusing back on the road ahead of me
Passing exits like going down a mountain with skis
Seeing 101, I-22 and soon coming up 103
After that, I think its Tennessee...
But don't quote me for this something I cannot guarantee

Not really knowing which exit to take
Not sure if I could take anymore heartaches
I have to fight off the song of the roads, I have to stay awake
Next exit “World’s greatest ribs & steaks come in & join the crew
Enjoy our home cook meals & yes we are talking to you!"
Should I just drive on or drive in & take in the view?
Wait!!! Stay focused! Common you’re still on highway 102

Hunger cannot be a factor
But as I keep driving the hunger grows & the gas goes faster & faster
Great! A car wreck ahead 2 cars & a semi-tractor
I turn on the radio to pass the time & to get my head off of this  
Disaster
They just announced a man lost his life, a one way trip to meet his  
Master
To even think if this guy just left a min later he wouldn't of died,  
That poor *******.

Finally, the road has cleared and has claimed another soul
Suddenly my body feels a little dull
But this car cannot stop for I must reach my goal, to find that  
Something of which they stole

Now driving 85, I notice that I have taken up speed
Not realizing that, I slowed down to the speed limit here in old "keyed"?
Where am I, should I proceed?
Did I succeed? Did I fulfill my need?

This little town doesn't even ring a bell
Wait! This well-lit house so bright says, "Welcome to Bach’s hotel"
This is it! This is the place where I kept my secret about our secret  
Shell
For I kept your promise as I will never tell
Where we said our Vows and our farewells

As I pull into this run down but well-lit place
These old memories filled in the empty space
For I will never forget that day
As I woke the air had never felt so Rich & fresh I must say
I turn to meet your beautiful eyes that followed up with your kiss  
That melts my heart away
As I walk in I'm greeted with a smile and a warm “Welcome”
As I waited my turn as I stood behind this attractive blonde
I take step forward after she takes a step out I see her step into a 1968 Le Mans
"Hi, do you need a room?” The older lady said standing there at the front desk.
“uhh, yea”,...
As it took me a couple seconds to respond

What rooms do you have available?
(Well, we only have a smoking with bunk beds)
You mean like, double beds?
(Yes doubles, the lovely lady took the last single room.)
What about the one at the end?
(That's unavailable)
Is it at least negotiable?
(No it's inoperable,) inoperable? This is a room not automobile...
(Sir, please stop! Do you want a room or not? Would you prefer your  
Warm four wheels?)
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound forceful I just had a very long day. Man, I'm getting the chills...
(Well at least you will be provided with breakfast in the morning or a complimentary meal)
That sounds nice. I'll take the smoking...
(Okay, well here are the keys to room AJ-67, oh by the way
It’s going to be 10 dollars extra because it's like staying in heaven)
What???...
(I'm joking, have a good night and call in if you need anything)
Don't worry I'll make sure to give you a ring...

Finally that I stepped out and made my way to my awaiting bed...
I noticed that AJ-67 was next door to our old room
Nothing has changed so I assumed...
As I walk to the entrance to my room, I can't help myself but be  
Taken back with shock, do I smell your perfume?
So as I make my way; I pause, should I resume?
And bring back these emotions I seek?
Or hide my emotions with this fake costume?
This is so too much to consume...
I stand here frozen; no turning back now I've come from a long distance
I always believed we lived for our coexistence

So I continue and knock on our door.......
I hear nothing and all the lights are out
The feelings are rushing in of doubt, I thought you'll be hear even  
After that fateful day
I've come every year in May and sit out here feeling betrayed
Why god!!! Why confuse our names?!!
Why take my Sade? Why not me Rene!!!
And make me suffer this life of dismay!!!

For this time I'll leave this letter with this clue
If it's my time now you will have to find me every year in May and now  
You will feel betrayed as I did & now you do
It’s okay, I see now that you’re so much smaller than you portray
What am I left to say?
Thank you...
Because my name is Rene & what we had is through
Now you will have to find my soul on highway 102

People will always follow in stride
on the winding road to disaster,
They will not cry out for help
in the chance to meet they're "Master"

Some lies will never become the truth
even for the ones who kneel for forgiveness,
Or for the ones stuck inside the booths

Looking out for Angels
Or trying to find the perfect angles,
Trying to cut the corners
can't shake the love you share with each other

Healing the pain & cleansing the soul
wiping the slate clean,
Creating the perfect mold

Thinking that God is dead
misreading the scripture you read,
Are something's better dropped or dead?
So from what you read
please stop the tears you sometime shed,
Know that you loved from you're heart and not from you're head
Now close you're eyes & sleep tight it's time for bed

When will we meet again?

Never thought that love can be shared without words
Never thought that feelings can be moved like frightened birds

I have never felt such pain as of lately
I know I can sit here for hours and blame myself for days
Hoping and praying that God will lead you back to us
to bring us your love, energy & craze

I know that god brought you into our life's
you were that "special little something", our fallen star
Believe me this is what we promise
that daddy and mommy will try our hardest
to find you wherever you are

Lastly,
Know that every corner will never be overlooked including a browser,
When God decided to give us our first son
He said, "Here you go, it's a Schnauzer

Have you ever taken a step forward
when in reality it felt like you never moved?
Probably traveled as far as the door
don't move with ease anymore?

Whoever thought that moving ahead
can sometime leave you in ground zero,
Raised believing and praying
for those unspoken hero's

Like swimming in the open ocean
with no sense of direction
Just old memories
and fuzzy recollections

Feels like we're playing charades
in our life of shoots & ladders
You have given up and now their is UNO
even after my heart that I bestow

Who knows where or when
the train will finally be on track?
When time is not wasted
where love meets and opposites attract

I would have to say
to take that step forward
I would have to take a step backward
let her understand that my name is not Edward
But Howard
And find that our love has not soured

But who knows where or when
Until then...
Can we start?
And never end?

10/16 - 10/27/09

My heart hasn't felt the cold blade
the kindness in your eyes
The words that tend 2 lie
in bed they always fade

I look around for another soul
every direction I see an accident waiting to happen
I might as well be working in my mind shoveling coal
or witness these souls crashing

So the world you made
never happened
Your promises were said
but the words weren't lashing

Your intensions
raised my attention
Your pretension
cancelled your extension

Your world is alive in a dream
open your eyes
Lead us to the world
Where we lay supreme

10/18/09

I've walked down this road before
my eyes were at a gaze
Just with your lure
but this dance will not bring me romance
For it will bring us one last chance
that I am sure.

Never thought I would lie to myself
never thought I'll see you with someone else
I've made up my mind
just along the hand of time
Living my life a lie
will be just fine
As long as I get mine

I've put away your make up
but it seemed so easy
You only see my silhouette
in the times you need me

I am not the man that you want anymore
for this door will not find the cure
Trust me
I am not foolish anymore

Forgive me for I have sinned
painting on a wall
That had someone else's grin
time will tell
When the big hand hits nine
in time I will be fine

As long as I get mine

8/26/09

I can't do this anymore
I never believed in that words, but now there is no cure
When we started this journey I never thought we would see the finish line
But the lines were painted before me; never really felt you were only mine

Never thought that I would ever take that last step
Never thought I would feel something I would regret

The strange thing is that I had a chance to stop this train
I can look at you fall in love with you all over again
but my heart in time will stop to beat
Because love brings truth & pain
that is something we cannot cheat


10/28/08

Living life a step at a time
driving along this empty road
Looking for maps for future direction
looking for love and some kind of affection

Looking ahead for bumps that come along the way
looking ahead for signs; that swing & sway
Exists coming towards your way
but keep going "this has to be the way"
Thinking that fate or faith is your needle in the hay
then taking a moment finding the belief to pray

Time never stopped for the young nor for the old
time is only borrowed to us
our hearts are warm but will slowly turn cold

So we lived our lives a step at a time
now looking back we've notice our crimes
The question arrives...
if you have a chance to do it all over again; taking the steps & losing some friends?
If your answer is no , then watch your life unfold and you! will truly show.

This is not for the weak hearted
is the truth to hard to bare
or you can't finish what you have started?
Is it rude to tell your friend she's fat?
or is it better to let her find out the hard way?
and have her learn from that?

Is it rude to tell your friend that she is ugly?
never getting a kiss & never having the bliss
letting her getting the strike three
letter her miss?

What is the right thing to do?
when it feels right but ends up being wrong
Seeing all my efforts start green to blue
I think at the end of the day we should all let it go
because time will bring wisdom and time will bring
fortune
Until then this, " I swear will be certain"
that passion will be my guide
that love is something I must not hide
That truth shall lets us free & honesty
is something I live by
it's something
that's "me"

Sitting here watching life at its best
people run around
with the never ending quest
Living their life in between the lines
job after job thinking your life is just fine

It all comes back to you
looking at your days in school
Should of taken your time
skipping class thinking your star will still shine
Running away from it all
loyal friends a start to fall
Losing sleep, losing rest
coming home with failed tests

You know what to do
but you fail to show it
don't fall behind
because deep down you'll know it

There have been plenty of times that it should have happen
You’ve been telling me that it’s been playing on your mind
You tell you me you love me and baby you know you me
But you don’t give me what’s mine

Before you start making this more than what we know it is
Before you let your heart rock and roll
I have to feel it, feel it dancing on my soul
Let’s just move along and play our roles

I’m ready for what they call bliss
It’s taken so much time for this
Now slip on that tight latex
I want your ***

2/13/17
4:30pm

Just for one moment imagine life without light
Just for one moment you lose that reason to fight
Praying for those moment’s to return
Praying for that light that no longer burns

If you were her desert, then she was your sea
You need both to move forward
WE need both leaders to be
Most will understand me, even a young child can see

“Heaven is a kiss and a smile” sounds like a lovely nursey rhyme
But they were lyrics written by a great man
A man that changed the music rhyme
From then & till the end of time

02.08.17
3.50PM

Faith

Why is it difficult to deal with?
When we all know that this will come for us all
Maybe because we neglect to see the truth
Maybe that “Faith” we believed in was just a protocol.

Before this river became an ocean
Before this rock became our world
My foolish notion was flooded with our devotion
Of that “Faith, that slowly unfurled.

I was told “that I’ve got to think twice”
And that no one can out run times wrath
Even though time is forever spinning its dice
All we can do is have faith-a faith-a-faithhh

2/6/17

Yesterday I did something I haven’t done in a long time
I fell victim to her memories,
I know how that may sound
But let me tell you about my documentary.
I remember it so clearly
I believed in being so pure
But you moved me, changed me, severely
And I allowed it. I was alone & so insecure.
I want to blame you for the poison that pumps through my veins
But I know I that isn’t fair
You hurt me and I hurt you, what a shame
But our time isn’t now, so who cares.
Yet those memories still wander
In this locked vault where I’ve stored you
But sometimes the keys goes missing, so I wonder
Does my ghost still haunt you?

Never ask why

Every day I struggle and ask the man above, “why”?
Because for some reason this road I walk upon isn’t cut & dry
I see everyone around rockin’ & rollin'
I see everyone walking by.
I used to believe that everyone eventually gets a break
I used to believe that time will heal pain
Oh well, my mistake
I guess I learned to move forward and let the storm declare my fate.
Every day I used to struggle and ask the man above, “why”?
Now I realize he has more in store for me, no need to cry
I see myself happy
I see him by my side.

3/19/18

Let it be

It amazing how time fly’s by
I’ll never forget how this all started
You where there and so was I
You were shy and I was the “good guy”
That ended up broken hearted.

To be fair
The timing wasn’t there
To be fair
Our hearts were bruised & despaired
To be fair
We walked away in hope that we didn’t lose what we knew was rare.

Here we are now in this open sea
Now is our chance, now it’s our time to turn the key
I stand here before you about to bend the knee
Will you now, let it be?

It’s amazing how this all started
Never thought we’d let it come to this
I sent out a message to world when I was broken hearted
Then this lovely angel replied with emoji kiss

Our journeys may be different
Our stories may be scary
But those journeys taught us what we’re meant
Now OUR story will show the world who we want to marry

11/20/17

I’m killing the old me
I’m done with the norm
I’m done with forgive me
I’m done with your form

The phoenix reborn
I’m new with excitement
I’m new with a hint of adorn
I’m new with entitlement
No longer scorned.

Thinking in time things are perfect
hours spent, but well worth it
Months pass
our worlds tend to clash

But through it all we share these broken hearts
with wounds that were healed from the love that was found from the start
Still time brings waves of quarrels
some stand high because of pride
some stand high next to they're morals

The rocks tremble below us
I reach out for reassurance
Grasping onto hope
hoping, but truly know
that time is my hope


8/29/07

Somethings missing on the everyday count
when somethings there but always in small amount
Why people won't share is a mystery no man can bare
Thought that we could learn from our mistakes
but all we can do is sorrow at our everyday heartaches
When can we just sit back and take it all in
and see that the creatures that we create are always hiding within
Only then can we all sleep at night in peace
When something missing on the inside that needs to be released.