I keep digging
Without a shovel
My bare hands have gone
So deep
The more I dig
The more lost I feel
Why am I doing this
Just an empty hole
I'm starting to see
That everything I ever knew
Was abuse and cruelty
I hate my entire past
I thought I had moments
Of joy and love I held onto
But it hit me like a block from above
Gushing over my head with blood
I never knew what love was
The hole I dug
Was a grave for myself
Empty and depraved of life
Dark and burrowed with strife
If I strip away every piece of abuse
From my entire life
There's nothing left to recall
Now I'm taking another fall
I cannot tell if I'm healing
Or if I'm sinking
Even further into the hole
I only know weeping
Is this a wishing well I dug
Filled with hope
And dreams
If I believe enough
Or am I still digging
My grave from hell
Burying myself within
Letting all the demons in
It all feels pointless
Every single memory
Is so twisted
How could I ever miss it
The evil words
The hatred and mockery
Being used and torn
Why was it a shock to me
I still can't grasp it
My entire life was blackness
Only lived with sadness
But I keep digging
Am I winning?
The never ending battle
Or am I continuing
The cycle of abuse
Like foolish cattle
The more I look into myself the darker and more ****** up I am. My entire life every person I ever knew bullied me or abshed me
And yet I took some of it as love *** it's all I ever knew but truth is I've never known joy in those old memories of mine