Haha i lied
I tried to hide
I am just so tired
Of crying

I kept the facade up
Really believed myself
When i said
I wasnt bothered

yet i stood there
My heart breaking
At each word she said
About laying in that bed

With you
Seeing you
Ignoring me
And wanting her

Talking to her
Like you did me
It wasmt just jealousy
But pure hurt

Now I cry
And i ask why
******* why
Everyone makes me die

A little more each time
My heart really hurts
How cruel to me
You didnt have to be

I was happy with what we had
You pushed me away like trash
And she took my feelings
And ripped them apart

Ruthelssly she came at me
Eyes wide open shamelessly
Telling me her exploits
As she stomped on my heart

In front of everyone
I smiled as she pounded
Twisted and churned
With a burning sledge

Maybe a bulldozer
It hurt more then anything
Yet i smiled becuase
What can i do
Jokingly tell you off

Is about all i can manage
Becuase it doesn't matter
To anyone but me
Lets face it
I'm nothing

Replaceable to all
Everyone waits for my fall
They see me crawl
And hit so many walls

They all laugh
Hurting me is ok
Beating my face in
In the middle of the day

It's cruel and unsual
But for me it's normal
Everyone watches
Noo ne cares

I'm in pain
I expected this
I did think of course

That when you moved on
You'd be a bit kinder
Then taking full force
And ripping me in half

Its okay
I'm sure you're a great guy
It's just me
My eyes

They speak to people
They tell everyone
To hurt me
In the sickest ways

I must have a price to pay
With god
I don't get normal
I get eternal damnation
And I'm still alive

When i see her face
Smiling with yours
My heart doesn't just break
It sinks
Into a dark hole

Taking my life and soul
The rest of my body
Falls angry and stabs
Stab
Stab
     Stabs
Until i can't breathe
But i didn't want to cry
Therefore i drank
Because the poison
Soothed the anger

Id rather poison myself
Then let it out
Yet a song played
I wrote the words out
In my diary

And each mark
I put down
Reminded me
And brought a smile
Into a frown

Each memory escaped me
And then returned
Darker and unsettled
Now they hurt
But
Theyre in pen

I can shred the paper
Theyre still written
Even blowing through
The wind

So each mark i made
With each memory i tear
broke free
Now here i am

1am and I'm crying alone
The worst part is
Im so used to this
Yet it always hurts more
Each
*******
Time

I was so happy
I wore yellow
The day after
You touched my heart

Now i remember
Yellow was never
My color
I only know
Deep blue

The yellow is raining
The rain won't stop
It's cold and hailing
I keep failing
Everything

The storm is breaking
Im in it and shaking
The ground is quaking
Inside it's aching

Deep inside
That yellow dress
Is torn and bruised
My fingers bled too much
To fix it

I'm so sorry.
My pain never goes away
Im so sorry
The endless crying won't stop
Im so sorry
You hurt me
And I can't
  Stop
     Missing
              You

Im sorry
I'm a fool

Sometimes to truly
Find who you are
First you have to see
How far you can fall

The scary part is
Not knowing
If you're strong enough
To keep going

If you'll still climb
Even if the fall
Was deep
You won't hit that wall

I didn't see
I begged
And pleaded
For just a shred

I saw my friend
Find herself
After her darkest hour
She saw her own wealth

The worst year of my life
It has been blinding
My soul was twisting
And winding

I tried to end it
End it so many
Many
Many
Times

I never could
I didn't understand
Yet some nights
I saw light within my ****** hand

I felt warmth
As i cried
I knew deep down inside
Id be alright

I lost myself
To find it
The missing piece
I forgot i hid it

I'm still shaking
But finding color
My daydreams exist
And now shine like lovers

I got ****** up
So deep in rage
I let all my ugly loose
To heal my torn page

I can see
I can almost feel
The strength
I'm starting to heal

Never knew myself
I was an empty book
The words are appearing
And i can finally take a look

I have my issues
My anxieties
And selfish behavior

I'm still crying
Still worrying
And afriad

Lately though Ive felt it
A difference
Maybe a spark

I've grown
Become stronger
And more confident

I was empty
No one noticed me
I felt smaller then anyone
Smaller then a bee

I failed every thing
Thats what i felt
Everyone told me
I was worthless

Situations havent changed
No people are still cruel
Here i stand
Still going

Last year i would have left
Took my tears and ran
Broke down at every word

Now i feel a spark
I feel noticed
Becuase
I noticed myself

I told me
Hey I'm so proud
And then i saw

Others saw the spark
Now they see
I exist
And it's shocking

They like me
They talk with me
I work hard
And i don't fall
At
Every
Hurtful
Word

Its not that it doesn't hurt
It's just i now see my own worth

Pound
Pound
My heart beats
But it's not bad

Churn churn
My stomach twirls
But it's kinda nice

Dizzy dizzy
My head feels
But it's kinda fun

i feel nervous
Forget how to function
It's been forever since
I wrote a verse

A verse of twinkling
A song of curiosity
A fluff of fuzzy feelings
Ive got this funny feeling

You see
You're adorable
But i don't even know you
I want to try
But I'm so shy

I don't flirt
I run and hide
I think you're cute
How do i make this work

I gotta crush
It's almost nauseating
You got me flustered
But I enjoy this rush

So tell me, ***
How do I
Get more out of you
Then a look and
Run

Ticking ticking
Time BOMB
I cry for my
Mom

Blinking blinking
Life escapes
I'm always
Late

tick tock
Tick tock
Make the time
Stop

Ding ****
Ding ****
They're coming
Like a storm

tick tick
Tick tick
TicK tiCk
TICk tick
TICKTICK
KCITCKIT
TCKITKIC
  HELP ME
stop THE TIME
I CANNOT SLEEP
WITHOUT A DIME
DAYS PASS
NOTHING LAST
MY HEART BEATS
TOO FAST
STOP
TICKING AT ME
GIVE ME PEACE
AND SANITY
EVERY ******* DAY
TICK TOCK
CLOCK GOES
TICK TOCK
A SECOND TOO CLOSE
STRESS COMES
AT THE CHIME
OF THE CLOCK


tick tock

TICK TOCK